risquédivorcée

This is my first blog. Be gentle with me.

Allow me to introduce myself: I’m a 40-something woman who lives in the Pacific Northwest. Despite the blog title, I am not actually divorced yet, but I am legally separated. I have been living on my own since July, 2012 after deciding to end my marriage in April. This is the first time that I have ever lived by myself. It was a terrifying decision that was delayed by fear and co-dependency for a number of years. I was afraid that I would be lonely, broke, socially ostracized and never have sex again. While I have certainly had moments where each of these fears seemed very real and imminent, I am doing okay for the most part. I have remarkably supportive friends and family – including my ex – who keep me engaged socially and make sure that I don’t become a crazy cat lady. My kids are in college and don’t call mom often enough, but I hear that’s the case with most kids in college. Money is a lot tighter than it used to be when I was married, but I manage to pay my bills and live more comfortably than many Americans, I suppose.

My life and identity has been so wrapped around my spouse and my family for SO MANY YEARS that I was afraid to look and see if there was any me left once I was on my own. While being scared of not knowing who I was, I was also rather interested in finding out who I am and who I could be. While it continues to be an evolution, I have honestly been pretty impressed with myself. I have a career, hobbies, friends and interests outside of being WIFE and MOTHER. Good golly, I like me – I would even hang out with me! Interestingly enough, I have found that others want to as well!

I got engaged to my husband when I was 17. We married when I was 18. I had my first child at 22. Want to guess when I last dated? Yeah, it was the 80’s. Also, I was about half the weight that I am now. So when I decided in August, 2012 that I wanted to have sex again in my lifetime, I decided that it was time to start dating. Hoo! Scary stuff! Where do you begin? Well, that sounds like a different blog post, doesn’t it? Suffice to say, dating has been…interesting. With sex being the original goal, however, I would have to say that it has been successful beyond my wildest (and I do mean wildest,) dreams!

I feel like I have gotten to the point in my dating that I may be driving some of my friends crazy with my constant tales of adventures and men, men, men. I’m doing a little overcompensating, making up for lost time and maybe living those slutty college years that everyone else besides me seems to have had! My friends all tell me that they are living life vicariously through me. More than a few have suggested that I need to keep a journal or a blog or write a book! At the very least, I need to start keeping better track of what I said to whom – thank God for text & emails that I can reference!

I haven’t quite decided how I will organize this page. I want to tell about dates, challenges, sex and men, but do I start with my first dates in August and work my way back chronologically? Do I start with this week and forget the past? Or do I keep you up-to-date with current adventures and harken back to past tales during the slow spots? I think the latter will ultimately be what happens.

I’m also concerned about privacy. These are personal, sex-laden tales and I am not going to link to them on Facebook or Twitter, you know? I don’t talk about my dating at ALL on Facebook. I don’t want to embarrass my kids, make my ex, siblings, aunts, uncles & cousins, nieces & nephews uncomfortable, share that much detail or jinx it with any guys that I am seeing. Thus, the blog. Select friends and curious strangers can read at their leisure, but I don’t want to over-share with folks that would rather not know. I also do not “friend” anyone that I am dating on Facebook. To me, that’s akin to bringing someone to a family wedding and introducing them to everyone you know. NO! Right now I am only casually dating and only two men have even met any of my friends. (Okay, one lover met my neighbor briefly, but you get my point.) I am thinking of using first names for the guys, but may opt to use a first initial or first initial and age system. (J43 = John Smith, age 43 – yeah?) What do you think, dear readers? Obviously, in terms of privacy, if you happen to know my real name, please do not USE IT if you choose to post comments. Similarly, do not mention my city, my kids names, my ex, etc.  As I go along, I will have to decide whether I will name actual restaurants, grocery stores, bars & locations that I may frequent or meet people at. Also what about mentioning the names of actual dating sites? What are your thoughts?

There. My first blog entry. I promise that the next ones will be more interesting. But, as with life, you have to start somewhere and I just did!