risquédivorcée

I’m kind of a spaz right now. I need food. I need a drink. I need to get laid. Okay, maybe I’ll rub one out before heading out to see about all the rest. Yeah, I’d better! I’m in such a mood that I could see myself calling C43 and saying “hey, buddy – aren’t we due for our quarterly, no-strings friend fuck?” I’m feeling quite randy.

I know it’s obnoxious to say that I’m in a “dry spell” just because I haven’t had sex in nine days. I would be an asshole to say that. Particularly because I’ve gone for several months without it in the not-so-distant past. At the time of my separation I’d had sex one time in nine months. I guess there’s a use it or lose it factor in play. I’ve been using it and I miss it and I’m horny tonight. I recently parted ways permanently with my “standby guy” of the past six months (S46) after a drunk, obnoxious and rather physical scene just over a week ago. (Okay, yeah, nine days ago.) 😦

Part of the reason that I’m cranked up tonight is because I have been enjoying a little text flirtation with the stunningly sexy P29. Amongst my friends P29 is referred to as “young Brad Pitt” because he looks like he walked out of Legends of the Fall in 1994. He’s delicious and excellent in the sack – a fairly impressive trait for first-time sex with someone that young. I haven’t seen him in 2 1/2 weeks and we’ve not communicated very much since he kissed me goodbye at my door. Last week I sent a text saying “not sure if we’re still pals, but I’m hanging out at…” and he assured me that we’re still pals. Tonight I hit him up to see if he wanted to play but sadly, he’s in Vegas for the weekend. He was a little more chatty and flirty tonight than he usually is and my panties are moist as a result. Man this guy turns me on. I want to climb him. I want him to move in for six weeks so that I can ruin him for other women. Ugh. Add to that sexual tension, S32 (the guy who cancelled on me for Thursday) sent me some flirty texts tonight too. These two guys fall into the “most sexy” category of my current lineup. They are also the youngest, but I’m not sure that’s why. C43 is very sexy – he’s just not that into me and he’s a bit down on himself and life right now, so that takes away from the zing! factor.

I decided to get on POF and see what was shaking there. I don’t usually make the first move but did tonight. I recognize that I am a certain age and a certain “flavor” that not all men care for. That’s not putting myself down or being self-deprecating. That’s being a realist and being honest. I don’t want someone who is going to “settle” for me because I seem nice or they want to get laid. I want someone who freaking loves my curvy body. So generally I let the chubby chasers come to me. One of those, R41, has been messaging me pretty regularly for a little over a week. Our chats have been really casual but then he’ll throw in a comment about wondering if I’m naked or say something about my boobs probably needing to be free pretty soon. Anyway, he went dark three days ago and hasn’t been responding to my “hey, happy weekend” posts. Dammit. I’d take that 6′ 3” sporto tonight.

I had a couple of men message me that didn’t really interest me. (See? I can actually be selective – even when I’m randy as hell!) A couple that I messaged gave witty responses but demurred about meeting. No instant gratification for me – at least without batteries.

I may be extra wired tonight because of a couple of earlier freak-outs too. I may have some residual adrenaline on board. What happened? Well, I’m trying my best to make risquedivorcee.com a legitimate blog with followers, comments and regular views. I like disciplining myself to write each day and having an audience to speak to seems to help keep me engaged. So, today after my earlier post, I decided to make a Facebook site for the blog as an attempt to increase traffic. After much consideration, I opted just to use my personal gmail account as the email. I was just starting the process of signing up for a new Facebook (careful not to “find friends” using my email account, natch,) when I noticed that I already had a friend request. I found that…odd…since I hadn’t so much as put a profile pic or my website address in yet. When I clicked on the friend request, I was told that the name was being withheld until I verified my email address. I hadn’t even gotten that far. So I verified the address and checked to see who my first friend request was from. It was from my younger brother.  😦  SO! NOT! OKAY! 😦

Nooooooo! Why? Seriously? Is he following my blog? Does he know it’s me? Does he not? Is he attracted to this frisky female or is he saving up all this information so that he can go on a killing spree? Good grief! I freaked out and called my niece, Olivia* who is not his daughter but knows all about this blog. I made her go through all her email accounts to see if I had accidentally sent out some sort of announcement inviting my friends to find me on Facebook. She received nothing.  That was a relief, but why did I get a request from him and why so fast? It occurred to me that a mutual Facebook friend of ours had linked to my blog earlier this week and maybe he saw it. It’s possible that he just happened to see risquedivorcee was on Facebook so that he could “like” it at the precise moment that I was creating an account. It’s possible. Still…creepy and weird!

Finally, it occurred to me that what likely happened was that at some time he probably did some sort of “find friends” thing using his email contacts and that my gmail address was one of them. It was probably some sort of auto-generated thing that happened the moment that I created the Facebook account.Yeah, that seems much more likely than any other scenario that I could imagine.

Also, I realized a couple of hours ago that my public profile on Word Press used a link that contained my actual name. I have since changed my user ID, but if you looked at my profile during the past five days you could have seen that. Fixed now!

I am not ashamed of myself or my behavior at all. I am just not ready to be “outed” yet. This blog isn’t exactly private – I am sharing it with strangers after all – but it’s intended for a select audience of supportive, interested and like-minded people. It is not intended for my brother. (Dude, if you recognize yourself in this post I think you’d better call me, okay?)

Meanwhile, I’m hungry in more ways than one and I think I’m going to get a little tarted up and see what kind of trouble I can find this evening. What are you guys up to?

*not her real name.