The Hair Down There

When I was a child I was obsessed with the notion of growing up and “getting hairy” – so much so that my mom, thinking it cute, even mentioned it in my baby book. As an adolescent, with Judy Bloom as my spirit guide, I couldn’t wait for my body to change – to grow boobs, to get hairy and to shed my uterine lining each month to prove that I was finally a real woman.

Now that I’m in my early 40s, I have more unwanted hair and bigger boobs than any one person should have.  I no longer have a uterus and though I’m certainly still a real woman, I find myself once again perplexed by what I can only call a “trend” in today’s sexual & grooming scene – the naked vagina.  Yes, the pube-less pubis has been “trending” for at least a decade, but it now seems to be expected rather than a “sometimes treat.”

Having come of age in the 80’s – I was pretty accustomed to big hair and this was not limited to heads and MTV videos. Remember Madonna & Vanessa Williams? Big ol’ bushes. This used to be considered sexy.


These days it seems that having hair down there is almost deemed gross or shameful. I am shocked by the number of men who actually ask me if I’m shaved before we even meet. Some seem downright obsessive about a trimmed quim.

Interestingly, the younger crowd seems even more likely to consider this the norm. About 1/4 of the men that I have slept with since I’ve been single have also been hairless. My observation is that it is a far more common practice for younger men to do.

I admit that the first time I reached down and found a shorn & stubbly scrotum during a sex act I had to stifle a giggle. That tends to be my “signature move” when dealing with something new or unexpected. I remember thinking “huh – shaved pubes, hello” and carrying on. I do think it tends to be a generational expectation. My niece assures me that shaving your vag is simply expected amongst 20-somethings, much like shaving your legs before sex. It’s just regular, required grooming. The first shaved guy I encountered was 28, the next 29.

Now, I’ve also dealt with some serious man-bush that could have used a little weed whacking, actually. For some reason this seems to be completely fine for men. I have had guys warn me or apologize because they are “pretty hairy” but they usually are referring to their back & body hair, not their pubes, specifically. Yet having a naked clam seems to be an almost an expectation. Which I guess is what bugs me. I am happy to keep things short & sweet down there, but I don’t like to shave because it makes me break out. A vaginal rash is not attractive, I assure you. I mean, maybe I’ll do a reverse landing strip from time to time but again, this is a special treat for both of us, not an everyday thing. I hate feeling obligated to shave like I’m some sort of wooly mammoth that is long since extinct.

Don’t get me started on waxing or God forbid, the popular new “vagazzle” craze. I mean do we really need to have Lee press-on twat decor? Waxing has become so popular that the salons are popping up all over the place like little nail shops. Do people really go in every couple of weeks for a wax and a little bedazzling of their woo-woo? Come on, all I want is a fill!

I guess my bottom (heh) line is this: lay off the expectation. If you are lucky enough to get there, you should be delighted just to enjoy the poon – with or without the pubes.

As someone recently tweeted: “If you can’t handle me hairy, you don’t deserve me shaved.” I guess that sums up my general position in about 530 fewer characters than this blog entry!

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