risquédivorcée

I’m not sure that I’m feeling witty. I’m feeling tired & hungry, this is sure. But I wanted to post something because I know that I won’t have a chance to do so tomorrow unless I get up at an ungodly early hour. Little chance of that since it’s already past 3am.

Unexpectedly, plans developed late this afternoon to spend some time with C43 this evening. He’s the guy I could be crazy about if not for the fact that he feels “no sparks” and this has put us in a friend zone. Still, we have so much in common and I enjoy talking with him so much that I am willing to have a sexless friendship with him. I’m a human being after all – I have friends! Though I acknowledge being a sex-loving slutty human being who is hugely attracted to this man. What’s weird is that we have settled into a very comfortable friendship but…there’s still some lingering “maybe” residue that sometimes causes tension.

I mean, this is someone that I met through a dating site, fucked once and then…he got sick, I was out of town for two weeks…by the time we saw each other again things had sadly cooled. But I like him as a person a lot and figured we could be friends. I feel comfortable discussing almost everything with him and love hearing how his brain processes, argues & articulates points. We share a wicked sense of humor too. I value the person that he is and am willing to take what he offers in terms of a friendship.

Please note that I said that I can talk about “almost” anything with him. What we don’t talk about is other people that we date or fuck. In fact, if I had to wager, I would bet that he hasn’t been with anyone since he was with me in late November. I could be wrong, but that’s the vibe I get. Whereas…well, if you’ve been reading you know I’ve been keeping busy. Which is a good thing, I think. I’m delighted that my new & improved self isn’t sitting around pining for this guy who is so worthy of it in many ways yet so frustrating in others.

But if we’re “just friends” why don’t I feel comfortable talking about dating with him? He’s a writer and I would love to share this blog with him, actually. I think he would enjoy it quite a bit. Except for the fact that…well, not only does it mention him and my feelings about him, but it has some pretty detailed accounts of my exploits with other men as well. For some reason, despite being firmly in “the friend zone” I feel like we kind of still have one foot in the date zone. Let me reiterate, I’m not sitting around waiting for him to clue in and change his mind about us, but…maybe I am??

Points to ponder.

Meanwhile, I completely forgot about the fact that I signed up for OKCupid earlier today before I went to work. I found two messages there for me – neither of interest. Why the heck were there only two?!?!? I poked around there for a bit just now. Interesting. I’m intrigued by the number of marrieds & poly-folk there. It seems to be a much more intelligent and honest bunch than I have found thus far on Plenty of Fish. I will have to spend some more time there soon.