Archive for April, 2013



16
Apr
13

The Hair Down There

When I was a child I was obsessed with the notion of growing up and “getting hairy” – so much so that my mom, thinking it cute, even mentioned it in my baby book. As an adolescent, with Judy Bloom as my spirit guide, I couldn’t wait for my body to change – to grow boobs, to get hairy and to shed my uterine lining each month to prove that I was finally a real woman.

Now that I’m in my early 40s, I have more unwanted hair and bigger boobs than any one person should have.  I no longer have a uterus and though I’m certainly still a real woman, I find myself once again perplexed by what I can only call a “trend” in today’s sexual & grooming scene – the naked vagina.  Yes, the pube-less pubis has been “trending” for at least a decade, but it now seems to be expected rather than a “sometimes treat.”

Having come of age in the 80’s – I was pretty accustomed to big hair and this was not limited to heads and MTV videos. Remember Madonna & Vanessa Williams? Big ol’ bushes. This used to be considered sexy.

http://www.egotastic.com/photos/madonna-nude-photo-up-for-auction/early-madonna-nude-pictures-from-1979-9/

These days it seems that having hair down there is almost deemed gross or shameful. I am shocked by the number of men who actually ask me if I’m shaved before we even meet. Some seem downright obsessive about a trimmed quim.

Interestingly, the younger crowd seems even more likely to consider this the norm. About 1/4 of the men that I have slept with since I’ve been single have also been hairless. My observation is that it is a far more common practice for younger men to do.

I admit that the first time I reached down and found a shorn & stubbly scrotum during a sex act I had to stifle a giggle. That tends to be my “signature move” when dealing with something new or unexpected. I remember thinking “huh – shaved pubes, hello” and carrying on. I do think it tends to be a generational expectation. My niece assures me that shaving your vag is simply expected amongst 20-somethings, much like shaving your legs before sex. It’s just regular, required grooming. The first shaved guy I encountered was 28, the next 29.

Now, I’ve also dealt with some serious man-bush that could have used a little weed whacking, actually. For some reason this seems to be completely fine for men. I have had guys warn me or apologize because they are “pretty hairy” but they usually are referring to their back & body hair, not their pubes, specifically. Yet having a naked clam seems to be an almost an expectation. Which I guess is what bugs me. I am happy to keep things short & sweet down there, but I don’t like to shave because it makes me break out. A vaginal rash is not attractive, I assure you. I mean, maybe I’ll do a reverse landing strip from time to time but again, this is a special treat for both of us, not an everyday thing. I hate feeling obligated to shave like I’m some sort of wooly mammoth that is long since extinct.

Don’t get me started on waxing or God forbid, the popular new “vagazzle” craze. I mean do we really need to have Lee press-on twat decor? Waxing has become so popular that the salons are popping up all over the place like little nail shops. Do people really go in every couple of weeks for a wax and a little bedazzling of their woo-woo? Come on, all I want is a fill!

I guess my bottom (heh) line is this: lay off the expectation. If you are lucky enough to get there, you should be delighted just to enjoy the poon – with or without the pubes.

As someone recently tweeted: “If you can’t handle me hairy, you don’t deserve me shaved.” I guess that sums up my general position in about 530 fewer characters than this blog entry!

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12
Apr
13

dick pics – I don’t get it!

Exhibitionists have been around since long before the cell phone and webcam. Even before trench-coats became the accepted symbol of a dirty guy who wanted to show you his winkie, men liked to…show you!

I mean, boners are kind of nifty, right? Just imagine if you could go into the $1 section at Target and buy a neat little toy the size of an egg-full of silly putty. After you play with that squishy little blob for awhile, it suddenly increases in size & girth until it grows to resemble a decent-size flashlight, a Monster energy drink or, if you’re lucky – a can of Pringles!  Wow! Cool toy!  Then it will even squirt stuff! Woot! Everyone would love it! Continuing the metaphor, soon everyone would have this nifty doo-dad and, as happens,  the novelty would wear off. You’d still love to play with it, but everyone’s seen it – nobody is impressed when you say “hey! Check this out! Look what I can do!”

This is pretty much how I feel about dick pics. I mean, we’ve all seen the trick already, guys! I’m not saying that you are not all uniquely special, skilled & talented, but that’s not what a photo of your meat stick shows me. You aren’t showing me your wit, kindness, humor, intelligence, stamina, social consciousness, skills at cunnilingus…you’re showing me your cock. It may truly be inspirational, but it’s really not that different from the hundreds that I have seen before. (That’s counting porn too – I’m not that big of a slut!)

Women aren’t nearly as visually stimulated as men either. But men don’t seem to care. I think that they are actually visually stimulated by themselves and their nifty “boy toy” and they love to show it off! My filthy Twitter pal, @The_Marcness recently tweeted: “Beating off to a video of you rubbing one out is like some sort of weird, perverted inception” – speaking on behalf of many men who, in my experience, like to watch themselves.

Technology has made it possible and even easy for us to share photos with each other effortlessly. Exhibitionists and voyeurs alike have found a socially acceptable outlet for watching and showing their naughty bits.  Still, there remain those “raincoat flashers” out there who just seem to get off on the thrill of the shock. It is as if they enjoy seeing what kind of reaction they can generate by sending out unsolicited dick pics and videos.

I don’t understand this. Particularly in some of the cases that I have personally experienced. We message each other through a dating site, get to know each other a little bit as human beings. Maybe we flirt or are suggestive with one another, okay. We get comfortable enough to exchange phone numbers and plan to meet up. You don’t know me yet, but if we meet and there’s chemistry, odds are that I will have sex with you. Real sex. With tongues, mouths, hands, fingers, boobs…an actual vagina. So why sour your chances by prematurely whipping out the peen?

To be clear: I’m not talking about when texting turns dirty and turns to sexting. I’m not talking about when we’re seeing each other and you send me a “thinking of you” photo. That’s different. I’m talking about the guy that wakes me up at 7am with a picture of him stroking it. Or who sends a MMS message to me and 10 others on Easter Sunday when I’m at dinner with my family.

Yeah, that guy – again! Or rather, still. This guy that I haven’t met has awakened me three times during my vacation this week by sending me nude pics of himself. This is the guy that texted at 6:21am and when I asked for no texts before 9am or after 12am got offended and said I should find someone else. Okay, fine, bye. But wait – he keeps sending me nude pics and video! All but one have been before 9am, of course – including a cock pic that woke me today. So far I have simply ignored him. I find this usually works best. Though I was sorely tempted to text back “oh, wow – it must be cold there” when his hand-held wiener pic arrived on my phone this morning. However, I have learned not to feed the trolls.

I know, I should start shutting my ringer off, but a lifetime of being the responsible friend/mom/aunt that you can call 24/7 if you need me makes me hesitant to do that. Plus I always forget to turn it off or turn it back on. Plus – would the alarm on my phone still work? Points to ponder if I don’t want to be pondering penis points in the wee-wee hours of the morning! Meanwhile, I will learn how to block numbers on my cell, but that only works if they continue to contact you from the same number. Some of these guys are crafty. I have had at least four men disable their POF accounts and then message me anew from a different account.

I haven’t even covered the men who seem to prefer having an online spank-buddy to video chat with rather than meet in person. I guess virtual sex is the safest sex possible, but I don’t understand that either!

And I think “just your tits…” has replaced the lie that used to be “just the tip!”

Okay, I’m tweeting that!

11
Apr
13

mr. right…now…

I don’t know where to go from here. I just wrote a rather serious bit about religion and LGBTQ and hate to continue in a melancholy direction. I feel like the next chronological place to go is with the guy that I mentioned as my “fuck buddy” in a recent blog. The one that said I think like a man when it comes to relationships. I’m afraid that one might wind up being somewhat serious as well.

As a writer I have always been the type to “mentally outline” before I put pen to paper (yes, I am that old!) When I was being taught how to write a research paper in school I was always rather affronted that we had to turn in rough drafts, outlines, note cards, etc. Now that most of us write on computers and can cut & paste and edit on the fly, these steps in “writing properly” seem even more nonsensical to me. With blogging, I find that I come up with topics that I want to cover and do just a topic list and then spend some time organizing my thoughts internally – mentally. Which is what I’ve been doing today on the subject of “that guy” – and it’s managed to make me somewhat sad.

I talked about the power of “closure” in relationships last week (read the comments after the “way back machine” blog – how awesome is that?)  It can really feel good when you are able to have an exchange that helps you achieve some sort of peace and prospective. This is especially true at the end of relationships – particularly meaningful ones. I didn’t really have that with this guy and it’s…dissatisfying.

I don’t think that I feel hurt, exactly. I think that we had run our course and that our end was imminent, but it could have gone differently.

And guess what? I’m telling it backwards. Let’s start at the beginning. (Bet you wish I used those stupid outlines right about now, aren’t you?)

Last summer was tough. Ending a marriage and redefining a 25-year relationship was intense. Add kids, money and a house full of stuff that we had to divvy up? The entire summer was stressful, painful and despite our best efforts, often filled with fights, drama and heartache. I’m proud of how we have come through it and have found a friendship on the other side, but late July/early August was the worst of it.

I want to give you the context surrounding me meeting S46. I had had sex one time in the past nine months. If you have read more than two of my blog entries you know that was a major problem for me! I had just decided it was time to start dating, had put my profile up on POF and had met or talked to a few men, but not many. I had received my first “cougar” offer from the 23-year-old tatted guy but mostly I was…learning to be alone. I was consciously doing things that I wanted to do for me and forcing myself to get out of the house from time to time.

One evening I went to the casino. It was a pretty busy night and there were lots of social players there. Also, I was winning. I had been playing a Three Kings slot then moved to another machine, hit something big and went to cash out and “fold some bills” as I like to call it. That’s when I put some money back in my wallet after winning a bit and then go back and play some more. When I came back, this guy that had been playing a few machines down from me was at the machine that I had left and I took the slot next to him. Then he started a winning streak and hit a big bonus. At some point – we started teasing each other a little bit about the fact that he had taken over “my machine” and we continued chatting for the next several hours. We move around to different machines together – making sure that there are two free together so we can keep talking.

Then conversation turned to Vegas – I had a trip coming up in a few months, he was thinking of going…are we flirting now…hmmm…I start looking at him as a man rather than just a guy I’m chatting with. He’s geeky in an “old guy” sort of way not a hipster kind. He’s wearing business clothes – charcoal dress pants, button down shirt. He’s bald with a little mustache. Not really my type, but I’m enjoying our interaction and I’m starting to pick up a little…chemistry…? In talking about where to stay in Vegas he says he stays at a friend’s condo. Then he pointedly says “if it’s not obvious why I stay at my friend’s place it’s because I’m married.” He then goes on to tell me that he asked his wife for a divorce and she suggested they should just have an open marriage so that’s what they have now. Okay, but he seems pretty bitter or at least droll about it.

Chat continues, I reveal that I am recently separated, he asks if I’m getting out much & I tell him about the “cougar encounter” with the 23-year-old earlier in the week. He says “yeah, well, I can beat that – my 52-year-old wife is out fucking her 30-year-old boyfriend.” Without missing a beat, I say “good for her. At least she didn’t have him move in with you.” This got his full attention and we talked about the pros, cons & stupidities of open marriage & poly relationships.

I’m not going to go too far into that as far as my personal history is concerned, but it is something that my ex & I tried to do during the last several years of our marriage. I think that the model of multiple relationships can really work and is something that I am basically living right now, but we did it wrong. It’s impossible to support secondary relationships when your primary is disintegrating and untended. Anyway, S46 led me to believe that he was in an open, poly marriage.

As winnings were dwindling and the evening wore on, he finally stood up and asked if I liked sushi. I answered that I did and he did a little head gesture towards the new, fancy sushi joint at the casino and indicated that I should join him. I was like “um, are you asking if I would like to have sushi right now with you? Use your words.” This pretty much set forth our communication style for the next 4 months or so.

We had a very nice dinner with good conversation. I decided that he was sort of cute after all – taller than I’d realized, nice build under the business attire, dimples, good smile, nice eyes. And hey, I was on my first date in months, right? During dinner we exchanged numbers and talked about getting together again – maybe as casino buddies.

At that point I wasn’t sure if this was a lonely married guy who was looking for someone to hang out with or what exactly, but it didn’t matter too much to me. I was happy to make new friends, but I really didn’t expect to hear from him again.

We parted ways with a handshake of all things. I really pegged him as a married guy who was uncomfortable with how far he had taken his flirtation with me. Again, I didn’t expect to hear from him again and I didn’t hear from him for a full month after that first day.

I feel like this should be the end of this blog entry. It’s already pretty long and It’s not my favorite in terms of humor or thrill factor, honestly.

I promise this one gets better…for awhile…

08
Apr
13

An Open Letter to the Church from My Generation

I am an impassioned supporter of LGBTQ equality and a former Christian. The recent furor surrounding DOMA & Prop 8 being heard in the Supreme Court brought about many heated discussions in person and online. I heard so many so-called “Christians” condemning homosexuals and their supporters while clinging to their “faith” and scripture to support their oppression, bigotry and righteous superiority.

One of the most joyful days I’ve ever spent was at the Seattle (Gay) Pride parade last June. There were thousands of people there with joy in their hearts, smiles on their faces and love surrounding them. There were hundreds of churches represented there too – churches that welcomed all – like Jesus did. My face hurt from smiling by the end of the day.

I recently engaged in a debate with a Southern Baptist woman who felt so sorry for all of us who “haven’t let Jesus into our hearts” – a phrase that I took to be subtext for “don’t believe the same way I do.” She offered her sincere sympathy and her prayers. I was unable to effectively express how sorry that I felt for her that she didn’t have the love in her heart to embrace others fully and to know that unconditional love.

The blog below was written by young woman who is the same age as my children. She is able to convey what I wanted to say so much better than I. Perhaps it is her Christian perspective that allows her to speak so eloquently to other Christians. This is the first time that I have ever “reblogged” someone else’s words. They are important.

An Open Letter to the Church from My Generation.

08
Apr
13

“you act like a man when it comes to sex”

I have been keeping a very weird schedule and even though I should be trying to sleep right now, I thought I would spend some time trying to address some of the “future blog topics” that I posted earlier. I’ve chosen one that will take us out of the loose chronological order that I have been attempting, but it should be a somewhat short one. Tomorrow I will try to write about the man that made the statement that is my subject heading. We were involved for six months and he was my first ever “fuck buddy” – our relationship was about 90% sexual and it was really very excellent sex.

During the time that I was involved with this man, we were both dealing with the newness of having a lover that was just that – a lover and nothing more. Oh sure, we would text and email, but most of our conversations were usually sexual in nature or concerned coordinating when we would next get together. This was a first for both of us. We did “go out” twice during our involvement – both times early in the relationship. Mostly we just fucked – whenever we could manage it.

During this time, we established “rules” to avoid the intimacy of a relationship. No kissing (until we broke that one,) no talking on the phone (until we broke that one,) and no exclusivity. We both were involved with other people while we were seeing each other. He, particularly, demanded this and then seemed astonished at my willingness to accept such terms. He was further stunned to learn that I had other lovers – even though I was very clear that we were not “going steady.”

He seemed fascinated, aroused and also jealous and somewhat possessive at times. On several occasions he said that I was simply too good to be true. I didn’t make demands on his time or attention. I didn’t expect gifts, baubles, trinkets, dinners, dates…I just wanted to fuck. And did we ever.

We talked about having a “just sex” relationship but it’s as if he expected me to say “just kidding” and become needy and demanding at any second. Finally, one day, he looked at me and, shaking his head, with a bemused grin he said “I’ve never known a woman like you before. You act like a man when it comes to sex and relationships.”

I had to think about that one for a second.

I mean, yeah. I totally understand what he means. I like to have sex often. I didn’t need to attach love, emotions, definitions, titles and meaning to every stroke, gesture, thrust and orgasm. I buy my own condoms. I masturbate. I’m sex-positive. And I never imposed on other aspects of his life or was jealous of the time he spent doing other things. We were essentially free agents who got together a few times a month and had really incredible sex.

On the other hand, I am a woman. I do attach emotion to sex. But that’s okay too. I can have feelings for more than one person at a time. I think this was most perplexing for him. My ability to have love, affection, attraction and screaming orgasms with more than one person at the same time seemed comfortable for him as a man, but weird for me as a woman. So much so that it became a bit of a struggle for us.

Without going too far down the road where the relationship is concerned (that’s another blog entry and I promise it’s coming soon,) I found him to be more needy than I was in the relationship. I felt that I was giving him exactly what he wanted but not what he expected, so it threw him off a bit.

Bottom line – do I behave “like a man” when it comes to sex and relationships?

Well, yes. Many men freely involve themselves sexually with several women at the same time. They think nothing of going out, getting laid and having it be just sex without attaching some deeper meaning involving love, commitment, romance or God help us, being soulmates. Many men have been able to master more casual involvement – whether it’s with occasional fucks, one-night stands, friends with benefits or just casual dating.

Women, however, are often seeking commitment, monogamy, love and a serious relationship. Women that date and sleep with lots of men are often considered to be sluts or somehow lower class. I know that this isn’t always the case, but it seems to often be true.

I am a woman who loves sex. I love men. I love spending time with all kinds of men. I enjoy flirting, talking, touching, teasing, fucking. I am responsible for my own sexual health and I keep clean sheets on the bed.

Why does that make me “like a man” then? Why can’t this just make me an empowered, sex-positive, modern, single woman?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

07
Apr
13

topic mashup

Early on I posted a bunch of future topics. I found myself going back to those two posts today to try to figure out what I haven’t yet covered. There’s actually quite a bit! Since I have more followers now I thought I would re-blog these with the ones I’ve already written about removed.

In a couple of cases I can’t figure out where I intended to go with a topic, but others I am anxious to get to and will soon! Feel free to post a question, comment or suggestion about what your would like to have me write about!

  • No really, let’s talk more about my boobs!
  • BBW dating and sexy undies
  • “Reverse” age discrimination. Dating younger men and whether I’m a pig for dating someone 29 and not someone 55!
  • “You act like a man when it comes to sex and relationships”
  • “Are you sick of the bar scene?”
  • Cooking & shopping for one
  • Valentine’s Day and other depressing holidays
  • The ex and I discuss dating and sex (No! NOT with each other!)
  • Booze & boys: when the social lubricant turns to whiskey dick
  • So what’s the deal with (no) pubic hair?
  • “Wanna Chat?” “Pic for Pic?” (Online spank buddies)
  • Teeny Weenie Republicans (I will not fuck someone who is anti-choice!)
  • Vegas, Baby!
  • Lie to me! (Getting blown off/stood up)
  • Married men, morality and “relationshipppy” stuff
  • I want to pleasure *YOU*
  • Texts from jealous girlfriends
  • Brad Pitt 1994 – Legends of the Fall – and his jacket
  • The line between BDSM, hot sex and assault
07
Apr
13

that whole “cougar” thing? totally legit!

Cougar.

I’m not sure when I first heard the term, but I think that it started “trending” sometime after MILF – maybe in the mid-2000’s? Certainly Anne Bancroft is the most iconic cougar I can think of, but her tryst with a college-age Dustin Hoffman in “The Graduate” must predate the term by at least 35 years. Also, since Mrs. Robinson & Benjamin were a “May-December romance” made in Hollywood, Hoffman plays a 21-year-old, but at the time that the film was made, he was 30 years old and only six years younger than Bancroft in real life. Well, that’s fiction for you, but the general idea of an older woman seducing a college-age man has long been the stuff of fantasy. Much the same is true of the older man and the nubile, young piece of tail, right?

If you look it up online, “cougar” seems to commonly refer to a woman over 40 who “preys” on younger men who are typically in their 20’s. Personally, I find that the term seems to be morphing into a new definition where “cougar” simply means a fuckable older woman. Maybe we have Courteney Cox to thank for that, but I don’t think that the word carries as much of a negative stigma as it may have five or ten years ago. If I mention my involvement with a younger man, many of my friends will say “oh, are you a cougar?” I don’t think that anyone means it in a bad way or is suggesting that I am “preying” on some poor young fool.

When I first made my profile on Plenty of Fish, I had a lot of advice from a single female friend of mine who is also in her early 40’s. I spoke to her right before I launched my profile and she said “now you’re gonna have all the young guys hitting on you.” I was more than skeptical. I scoffed. She told me to wait & see – that the young guys love older women because there’s less drama. While I continued to be unconvinced, I thought about it a little bit more. Getting past my body image issues and general insecurity from not having dated in 20-some years, I could understand the appeal. Older women aren’t looking to settle down, get married, make babies, have someone pay their bills or take care of them. Most women over 40 are capable of taking care of themselves. Most older women don’t have the degree of angst, drama and maintenance that often comes with a woman in her 20’s. They don’t require a boyfriend to be available to them 24/7. They don’t get jealous if every minute isn’t spent with them. We have our own homes without roommates so we can “host” sexual escapades. Best of all, older women are experienced in the sack, near their sexual peak and generally love to be physical. Many of us can’t even get pregnant, so that’s a bonus too. Yes, these are all generalizations, but they are also generally true and I can certainly see the appeal. Still, I didn’t think that any young guys would be hitting me up. But my friend’s “wait and see” didn’t have to wait long.

I was driving home from one of my first meet-ups with a POF guy. This was the guy that I felt was “just friends” and who had only been separated for a couple of weeks. When my phone dinged telling me that I had a text, I assumed that it was my “safety friend” messaging to make sure I had made it home okay. It wasn’t. It was the 23-year-old son of some friends of mine who just happened to be texting me at 12:30am to see what was up. Huh. That’s odd. This is a kid I’d known since he was about 13 and would consider a friend of the family. He briefly dated my niece so I knew that the kid had a little bit of a kinky/exhibitionist streak from what she had told me. Because of that, I was slightly prepared for him to be a little risqué or flirtatious. He had, on occasion, messaged me on Facebook to chat from time to time as well, but sending a text – particularly so late, was new.

When I got in the house, we continued our conversation via Facebook chat. I mentioned that I had just come from a meet-up with someone and he asked how dating was going. I said it was very new and weird since I hadn’t dated in about as many years as he had been alive. He asked if I was doing online dating or how I was meeting people. He then made a comment that it was too bad that “my generation” didn’t just do what his does – hang out, hook up and chill. I said I had no idea what my generation does because it was all new to me. Then he said that if I wanted to do that with him sometime he’d be down.

What?

Wait. What? Back it up…did he just…what? Please, blog followers, imagine me sitting in front of the computer, in the dark, at 1:30 in the morning, literally YELLING at the screen “Shut the fuck up! Did that really just happen?” I was sure that Ashton Kutcher (a one-time cougar fan himself,) was going to jump out at any minute and tell me that I was being punked. Then my text notice bleeped again – with a photo from this guy. It’s him. Nearly naked – his bare torso covered with tattoos and his bedroom eyes staring pleadingly. The text said “could you handle looking at this?”

What the? Okay, okay…I guess I didn’t misread that.

The next message from him contained an apology for being so forward and said that he hoped that he didn’t make me feel uncomfortable. I finally managed to find some words and type a response saying that I was pretty stunned but not uncomfortable. He went on to say that he was looking through my photos and came upon a particularly voluptuous one of me in a certain dress and that I was really hot. He said that he wouldn’t mind fucking me in that dress. Okay, yeah. Message received. That was pretty direct. Yikes.

My mind was scrambling. I was still dying to have sex at that time and here was a young hard-bodied guy who was offering it. However, this is also someone that I still imagined riding a Razor scooter around the neighborhood. I know this kid’s parents and siblings, he knows my kids and my ex and he once slept with my niece. I could certainly imagine, but I couldn’t possibly imagine…!

Finally, I said thank you. I told him that his was the best offer that I had had in about six months and I really appreciated him being so sex-positive. I joked that I couldn’t imagine having sex with him and then looking his mom in the eye. He said “well, don’t tell my mom.” Jesus. He was tempting, to be sure, but I wasn’t willing to risk friendships or have my kids be the butt of scandalous jokes just so that I could get laid. We had a sweet, brief flirtation and ended the conversation…at least for then. We did exchange some dirty texts a few weeks later, but nothing that would have rocked the gossip network in the town I used to live in.

I still doubt that his mom would approve…

But wait! There’s more!

That particular week had been a tough one for me, emotionally. My ex and I had been going through the worst of the nastiness that goes with separating. I was finding the online dating scene to be daunting and a little bit weird. I felt detached from everything that I had once held dear – my home, my family – even my dog.

So I went to the casino. And I met this guy. And I will blog about him later. He was S46 and twice the age of the guy who made me my first official cougar offer. S46 bought me dinner and got my number and boy, wasn’t I having a better week with all this attention?

The next night, I was on Facebook again and received a message from a totally different 23-year-old. This guy is also the son of friends, though I haven’t known him since he was a pup like I did the other young guy. This guy would send me “pokes” on FB almost daily, but I never thought much about that. Some folks do that stuff. That particular night, however, he was more chatty than usual and I found myself once again on the receiving end of some serious flirtation with a very young guy. This one wasn’t as smooth or direct as the other, but he finally managed to get around to telling me that having sex with an older woman had always been on his bucket list. He followed that with “which reminds me, incidentally, I haven’t seen your new place yet. Heh.”

Holy shit. Have I just had three guys hit on me in the course of four days? And were two of them under 25? Yep.

I told this guy that he was the second 23-year-old to “hit me up” that week and that I told the first that I would keep it in mind, but wasn’t sure about fucking my friends’ kids. He then asked if I had come up with a policy about fucking my friends’ kids yet because he wanted to fuck me. Well jeezo man.

Admittedly, I was much more intrigued with youngster #2 and even went so far as to call his bluff a few times over the next few weeks of text messaging, flirting and a little bit of dirty talk. Mostly I think he enjoyed the texting and suggestive talk. He never took me up on it – even when I offered to pick him up. In retrospect, I’m glad. Months of no sex may have impaired my judgment. As it turned out, I started having pretty regular sex within a few weeks of the 23-year-old spree, so I am glad that I didn’t do anything foolish or embarrassing.

In general, while I would consider any adult, I’m not particularly interested in most people under the age of 30. The youngest that I have slept with in the past 6 months was S28 and he was pretty lame in the sack. P29 was gorgeous, fantastic, generous, dirty & delightful and I would see him again in a hot minute! R30 is both sweet and amazing in bed and someone that I am currently seeing. I’ve turned down offers from “men” as young as 18 and dated as old as 48. The average age of my post-marital lovers is 38, however – with only about 1/3 of them being older than I and two younger than 30.

So yes, I guess I am a cougar, but I’m not an ageist and I am willing to consider all shapes, sizes, races and ages…just maybe not my friends’ kids, huh?

 




Categories

Quickies with the Risqué Divorcée!

  • Facebook "It looks like you're at Burger King. Check in to share with your friends." Me: shut the fuck up, Facebook! 2 years ago
  • RT @amyisprettycool: Ok, who wrote the Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer #SNL sketch because they just made America great again 2 years ago
  • RT @LuvPug: My husband thinks it's so cute when I speak to him with terms of endearment like 'honey' or 'cockblocker' 2 years ago
  • RT @SondraDeeMe: I've always had a soft spot in my heart for female T-Rex because the tampon insertion must've been really difficult. 2 years ago
  • RT @joss: To everyone who keeps saying "Go back to making jokes/films/etc", WHAT DO YOU THINK WE WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING 2 years ago
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