17
Jul
14

Creating & defining family (An Unfinished DRAFT from July 17, 2014)

I was poking around and found several unfinished drafts and thought “fuck it, send” – some of these are from too long ago for me to even remember where I was headed with them, so I am just publishing them as unfinished chunks of my life…

–RD

 

An expression often heard in the LGBTQ community that I’m also quite find of is “family of choice.” Sometimes, as we fail to squeeze into pre-determined roles and to meet the expectations of others, we lose relationships & family. Tell the folks you’re gay – they disown you. Stop going to church – grandma writes you out if the will. Decide to live “in sin” with your partner – your sister no longer allows the nieces & nephews come over. Tell your brother that you’re poly and he tells you that you are going to hell and won’t be reunited with your dead mother in heaven. (True story – happened to me!)

The expectations of family & society can bear incredible weight. Many people succumb to the guilt & pressure of what they are “supposed to” do and who they “should have” been – or measure themselves against the accomplishments & norms of other people. This is particularly true when your family of origin has expectations of you – like go to school, become a doctor, get married, buy a house, have 2.3 perfect children, stay married to the same person for 65 years, go to church, carry on the family name honorably. I didn’t finish my degree, I’m divorced. I rent. I live in sin. With a man who hasn’t married or produced children. Oh, and we’re poly. Well, poly-ish. We do what works for us.

Last year, when we had only been living together for a couple of months,

I may work on finishing this one. I think I remember where I was going with it & it’s kind of a funny story…

–RD

 

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