risquédivorcée

Arg. I think this might be my third cranky-ish blog entry in a row, but I know that some of you love me for my snark & bitchiness, right? Right? Say it! Say my name!

Last night I cooked up a bunch of corned beef and all the fixings and brought it over to my friends’ house. After we feasted, seven of us went out to a local Irish pub and started our St. Patrick’s Day revelry. Great band, great friends, excellent beers – a night of friends rather than men. In fact, one of my male friends asked if I didn’t have a date offer on a Friday night and I said no, I did – I just wanted to hang out with my pals! A most excellent, raucous time was had by all & we left around 12:30, grabbed some drive-in burgers & shakes & went back to my friends’ house & crashed pretty hard.

Side note, C43 finally “showed up” again yesterday via text and we actually had a playful, fun bantering, flirty text exchange from about 7pm, throughout the evening until around 1:30am. A rare treat for me. I love his brain and wish he wasn’t so confusing & weird, but he is.

The end of the night found me comfortably ensconced in my friends’ lovely guest room. They provided every comfort for my drunk ass! Then at 7:41am on a SATURDAY I received a text that woke me from my blissful slumber. I had a feeling that I knew who it was, but I couldn’t find my phone and nearly tore the bed apart – anxious to KILL the offender. Finally, I found it and yes, it was exactly who I thought – THOR! Asshole!

Now, I was going to write about this guy later and ask if it is possible to date someone who goes by a very stupid moniker. Who the hell calls themselves THOR, after all? He’s a POF contact – 33, tattooed & pierced, bigger guy, my type and seemed quite interested in me – and wanted to meet right away. He’s the one I call “T33” and I tried to meet last weekend but he was “busy” when it came down to it. Meanwhile, he would text me “hey mama” “hey sexy” all week and twice sent me dick pictures. Okay, so the guy has a cock like a can of Pringles. This is potentially worth putting up with some annoying habits, but he was starting to grate on my nerves. Call me old fashioned, but I guess I’d like to meet a guy before seeing his junk. Though again, nice junk. But I was getting a vibe from him that he mostly just wanted to exchange pictures and that’s all. Not my thing.

Back to the dumb name. I was trying to figure out how to reference it in the blog. I mean, seriously? How can I talk to him without sniggering? How could I refer to him to my friends with a straight face and how could I blog about his goofy name without using it? I considered calling him ZEUS or HULK or something in the blog, but now that he’s been an asshole and I’ve cut him loose, I feel fine using his “real” fake name. I mean, I’m sure it’s not the name that his mama gave him. And speaking of his mama, I’m NOT HER and him calling me “mama” was getting on my nerves as well. A fact that I had no problem sharing with him, but that he seemed to have a problem understanding. Not a big listener, this guy. Must be all his brains are in that big cock.

THOR (yes, it must be in all caps,) was also very slow to understand that our schedules are very different. We essentially work opposite hours. After an early morning text during the week I asked him not to message me before 9am. His response was to tell me how fucked up my schedule is. He’d been mildly to moderately irritating and was simmering way on the back burner because of his presumptions (that we would meet and fuck) and his inability to listen (friends before FWB, for instance.) So, 7:41am on Saturday comes a text from him saying “hey mommy” MOTHER. FUCKER. (Or not, in my case!) I finally found my phone so that I could send my livid reply:

What the fuck, man? 7:41 on a Saturday morning with that mommy shit?

Sorry, up and horny

Yeah? Fuck off! I asked you not to text me before 9. I asked you not to do the mommy shit. I think you’re not big on listening or respecting. And you woke my ass up!

Ha ha whatever bye

Yeah, whatever. BYE! What is it with guys who think that just because they are up and horny that you should be as well? This is a guy that I would have met and if we had hit it off, we could have had some nice, regular, no-strings sex. I was pretty clear about that too. But you blow it by being a pushy, immature asshole? Well, at least I found out before I wasted any condoms on him. Sheesh. Someone that self-involved and clueless is likely to be shit in the sack anyway. Not that I couldn’t get myself off on that big meat stick…but this is part of my evolution in dating: fucking vs. FWB. I have come to the amazing discovery that I can get laid pretty much whenever I want to. The thing is? I would also like to have some men that I can talk to, hang out with, see a movie, game or concert with and possibly, hang out with my friends on occasion without feeling ashamed to bring some fuck stick around. This is much more in keeping with the direction that I have taken in the dating world recently. The problem seems to be that the ones that are best in bed are not the most attractive to me as people and vice-versa. This is not always the case, but it’s sadly true quite frequently. Which is why I keep looking!