Posts Tagged ‘brad pitt

24
Oct
13

‘Brad Pitt’ got fat

I caught you up on the return of Pirate Bear, so it’s only fair to catch you up on the “return” of “Brad Pitt” after I ran into him Tuesday night. Saying that we “dated” would be an overstatement, but we had fun hanging out for awhile and I really liked him, so it was good to see him alive – even if I failed to recognize him at first. He’s packed on about 20 pounds since I last saw him in May, the golden highlights he’d picked up in Afghanistan are gone from his hair – now several inches longer – which puts it well past his shoulders, and instead of a tidy goatee, he’s now wearing a full beard.

When we met in February, he caught my eye because he was my type – cute, scruffy and casually sexy. That first day, he was wearing jeans & a hockey jersey and though we flirted a bit, I figured he was too young and pretty for me. When he gave me his number and expressed clear interest with his subsequent texts, I responded positively and we started a brief affair.

The “Young Brad Pitt” nickname came from conversation with my girlfriends. He was 29 when we hooked up and other than the fact that he has brown eyes, the first time he showed up at my door he looked like a 1994 version of Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall. By the time I last saw him five months ago, he was looking like the scruffier Brad at the end of the movie – which is still pretty yummy. At that time, we were discussing the notion of moving our “relationship” from “occasional FWB/fuck buddy” to “dating” but he was really inconsistent. Sometimes we would text all night. When we were together he was attentive, complimentary, sweet and thoughtful. When we were apart, he sometimes would just drop out of the middle of a conversation and disappear. We had planned our first public outing with friends – a real date – and he essentially stood me up. He later told me that he’d been experiencing really bad panic attacks and PTSD as well as depression. I appreciated what seemed like honesty, but it didn’t change the fact that soon after he went full hermit and disappeared for nearly five months – until a few weeks ago.

The text progression on my phone shows my last text from him on May 11th, followed by a 2am text on October 9th asking how I’ve been and asking if I was at his neighborhood bar. I assumed that this was merely a closing time booty call query and was somewhat bemused. I considered not responding at all, but eventually did the following afternoon, saying that I’d been sleeping like a baby at 2am and that my formerly regular Tuesday hang-out had become pretty busy on those nights and I don’t go as often. He didn’t respond.

Interestingly, I had received a report from a girlfriend that he had been there a few weeks prior on a Tuesday night when I was off at a different place with my boyfriend. At the time I wondered if “Brad Pitt” had been looking for me. I also joked with her: “Did he get fat?! Tell me he got fat!” Well, he did. To the extent that this week, when I was out on the patio at said bar, talking to my same friend and she stopped, stared behind me and said “I thought that was D” I said “no, that’s T’s friend, B.” The person walking in the door looked familiar, but I didn’t recognize him as the guy that I’d been fucking for three months this past spring.

He was decked out like the Kevin Smith character, Silent Bob – complete with trench coat, beard, long hair and backwards Mooby hat from Dogma. I heard a couple of guys shout “hey, Silent Bob! What’s up!” A few minutes later, my friend had gone home and he walked out onto the patio, greeted some people, looked straight at me and said “hey, how you doing?” Even then, I still thought he was the other guy…for a minute. That’s how different he looked! I even went back into the bar for a second drink without speaking further to him – but as I passed and heard his voice I felt like an idiot! I came back out a few minutes later and sought him out – I mean, I didn’t want it to seem like I was pretending to ignore him or playing games. He said “hey, you never texted me back the other day!” I said that I had, then showed him my phone with the text. He then apologized, saying that his phone had been acting weird and texts were really slow – he said he hadn’t sent the text at 2am, but that he had sent a bunch of texts to his “karaoke buddies” earlier in the evening to see if anyone was going out.

We chatted for quite awhile and he acknowledged that his PTSD and panic attacks had been really bad and he was trying to force himself to go out. Several times he mentioned trying to be healthier, wanting to lose 30 pounds and how he’d been riding his bike and working out. Okay, duly noted. We talked about his 30th birthday last month, how that really sucked for him and we casually chatted about movies, music and such neutral topics. When he asked what I’ve been up to I talked about work, my summer and the fact that I’m seeing someone pretty seriously – but that it’s a poly relationship. We briefly talked about that and it was interesting to gauge his reaction. Part of me wanted to know if he would still be interested in seeing me if I was seeing someone else. The fact that he made some noises about getting together again and that we exchanged some more texts yesterday seems to indicate a strong…maybe…

The rest of the maybe is with me. I’m so over the moon with my current guy that I’m struggling with the notion of being poly at all. I haven’t been dating for awhile and I took my OKCupid profile down – at least for now. I haven’t really been sexually aroused by another man since Whimsy & I got serious. I did make out with a new guy but then I called it off before it went further. It hadn’t felt hot or sexy – it felt awkward.

“Silent Brad” could be a different matter. I like him, we’re very compatible in bed, he has his own place and he’s not looking for a relationship. I know he can curl my toes and I’m attracted to him – because let’s face it, Kevin Smith is pretty hot too, right?

There’s a big part of me that just wants to be monogamous with Whimsy to see if we could be successful at that. I think we could be, but there’s another part of me that rebels at the thought of being one of his “harem” and waiting to see if he’s willing to take a risk with me. We’re really good where we are, but it feels somewhat weird that he is seeing other people while I am not. I’m not sure that this inequity is reason enough for me to date, but it’s something that feels out of alignment.

Meanwhile, my options are open as long as my relationship is.

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30
May
13

Blame it on my ego…and my vagina…

I’ve been remiss. I’ve been avoiding you. I’ve had some shit to work out.

Yes, I’ve also been busy generating new blog material and have taken two new lovers since my last post.

But this time it’s different. Perhaps it sounds the same, but I assure you, it’s not.

In the week before Mother’s Day I had two different men sort of…blow me off. In both cases we had plans that were canceled and communicated poorly. Mother’s Day is always a bit sad for me anyway and the combination of two cancellations plus the holiday put me into a bit of a funk. The men in question are also my two youngest lovers – Brad Pitt (P29) and Soup Can Man (R30) – and I felt like that was perhaps part of the equation that allowed for my time to be so casually disregarded. Both of these guys were men that I met “organically” – that is, in my daily life, not through an online dating site. I think that also contributed to the casual “fuck buddy” attitude that had been fun, but was getting old. Particularly since both guys had asked me out socially as well but then bailed or not followed through. Our 3am activities were exciting and most excellent, but I was feeling a little empty and unfulfilled on the social front. My twitter pal, @Dirty_Bizness said it well recently “Fucking is great but I want some intimacy!” Spot on.

Furthermore, I felt like my ego & my vagina were sabotaging my ability to see what my heart and mind wanted. No, really. Initially, all this wacky dating stuff stemmed from my desire to get laid. Yes, I needed to get out there & meet new people, but mostly I just needed to see what was out there for me and find out what dating was like for the first time in 25 years. So not only was I aching to get boned, but I had no idea if anyone would want me or what kind of people were out there for my choosing. Heck, I didn’t even know that I would have a choice! So when the offers started coming in I accepted them – nearly all of them. I felt that it was only right to give everyone a fair shot. Oh I’ve had fun. Don’t get me wrong! I needed to have that experience. It was exactly what I needed when I needed it. But somewhere in there my fear, insecurity, ego or just the regular dose of very excellent sex distracted me from moving toward what I really want and from being a little more selective. I mean, having a gorgeous 29-year-old telling you how he wants to eat your pussy & ass? Total turn-on, total ego boost and I let it go to my head. I allowed him to let me be a casual booty call because I felt great when we were together and I didn’t want anything serious either, but I let myself be treated like an option and not tended like a person.

I was learning the difference between “fuck buddy” and “friend with benefits” and I was missing the friendship.

Then there were a few guys who were more like friends…and the sex was meh. Okay. I liked the companionship. I found myself saying “I like the nerdy and the dirty – I just wish they came in the same package!” I still wasn’t looking for only one person to meet that requirement, but I would have really enjoyed three or four guys who liked to talk, game, laugh, be social and fuck like demons. My theory was that I would just hold on to the growlfuckers (even if I wouldn’t ever consider having them meet my friends) and then keep the ones that I liked to talk to and hang out with around too. They could get invited to game night with my friends. Nothing wrong with friends, right? And sex sometimes improved with guidance and comfort with each other.

Recently, my perspective has changed again. On the advice of a friend, I made an OkCupid account & I really like it there even though I’m not as inundated as I am on other dating sites.  I got rid of Zoosk and Plenty of Fish. I started looking specifically for poly-friendly people. People that are fine if I say “no, Friday doesn’t work, I have a date and will probably sleep over there. How about Sunday?” People who have the emotional bandwidth to understand that they don’t want just one person, but they want love, intimacy and friendship with their lovers. Poly folk also tend to be good communicators and often have higher than average sex drives and/or are a little more kinky. I’m not into BDSM, swap parties & such, but I do like some stuff that’s beyond the old in-out. I like lovers who are enthusiastic and, well, passionate about sex. I’ve been finding them.

My recent epiphany was basically that I had been learning what I could have and now I have decided to be more selective and only accepting what I really want. I don’t have to accept every invitation. I can be kind, honest & polite, but I don’t have to say yes to someone when I know it’s a bad match. Guess what? I can get laid anytime. I want some fucking intimacy. Guess what else? I’m happy, healthy, self-aware, comfortable & confident enough to have it now. I’m ready. Guess what else? I’ve been finding those nerdy/dirty/funny/smart combo guys lately. I’m seeing three of them right now. 

So it seems the same, but there’s a change that’s happened for me and it makes me feel great. I’ll do a better job of keeping you up to date. I know I should have talked/written through it, but I wasn’t ready.

Nine days to my birthday in Vegas! Coming up next? I’ll tell you about my last trip to Vegas! 🙂

24
Apr
13

but…but…I wore sexy underwear & shaved!

I think I need a pep-talk. I’ve been giving myself one while singing and hanging out at a favorite bar and I am feeling better, but I am dismayed that I felt so…disappointed and rejected.

I know I’m supposed to be witty & entertaining, but this blog is my journal and an archive of my journey, so you get to hear about my insecurities and disappointments as well. It’s hard not to feel a little bit sad when you’re sitting home alone wearing your sexiest underwear after your “date” went home after about 40 minutes.

I know I’m being irrational. But tonight my logical and my emotional were at odds and that’s when my insecurity crept in & took a firm hold. So, after meeting my first date of the night (more on that in a sec,) I went to a nearby friend’s house to change from my slightly more “dressy” work/first meet clothes into my rockin’ hot dive bar karaoke with a sexy cowboy clothes. We’re talking skinny, ankle-zip distressed jeans, cute shoes & a faux vintage Van Halen 1984 tour t-shirt. And fantastic underwear. Black lace with nude underlay demi cup bra and black lace boy shorts. My ass looked fantastic in the undies and in the jeans. I was feeling good and had turned my nervous energy from earlier into sassy, sexy confidence.

We didn’t have a set meet time, but I had confirmed that we would both be there tonight. I packed an overnight bag because a sexy sleepover was likely given our history and his close proximity to the bar. I was looking forward to his fantastic bed and body – and singing. He’s a great singer & I hadn’t heard him since the night we met two months ago. I was looking forward to showing off and flirting and at some point having him put his hand at the small of my back and ask me back to his place. I really had imagined how it would go and was full of anticipation and excitement.

I got there around 9:40 and I saw him right away when I walked in. I went & exchanged a hug with the sexy bartender (who may or may not read this blog and who is dead sexy,) then, without having seen me, P29 went out the side door to smoke. I ordered a drink and set it down next to his at the bar and went to look through the books to see if my “theme songs” were available. He saw me when he walked in and acknowledged me and returned to his seat. I took my time finishing my task then cooly walked over (I’m being cool, remember?) I said hi & we sort of half-hugged and he said something immediately about not feeling well and not staying. He said his stomach was really upset and blamed Jack-in-the-Box. I willingly admit that he didn’t look great & he visited the bathroom soon after. I stepped outside to smoke, chatted with someone I knew out there and P29 soon followed. He asked me if he could get his jacket (that’s been living in my front closet for 2 months) from me then rather than later so that he didn’t forget. Oooohhhhh…here’s your hat, what’s your hurry? I said “sure, walk with me” and we walked together to my car.

I told him that I was really sorry that he was feeling sick and said that those weren’t the kind of moans that I liked to hear from him. He laughed at that, which was good, then said “it is what it is, but it sucks. All I wanted to do was sing.” I flirtatiously quipped “is that all you wanted to do?” To which he responded: “yeah, I have to get up early in the morning…” he was meeting a former military contact who was going to give him a job recommendation or something. I was all enthusiastic & “good for you – that’s great – good luck” and we went back inside. He did his song (swoon, panties dampen, yum…) then came back to me and we chatted some but it was loud and talking wasn’t ideal. He said he should at least stay for my first song, which he did, but he had his (other) jacket on by the time I was finished, gave me a hug and said he would talk to me soon.

Okay, the man is ill. We just had red-hot fantastic sex three days ago. I’m a terrible, greedy, heartless, self-centered bitch, right? Because there was and is a big part of me that felt like it was maybe just a polite blow-off & that he wasn’t sick in the least. UGH. I hate feeling that way! It makes me feel like I’m being needy and clingy and worst of all, suspicious – none of which I am entitled to in the least. But these are feelings after all and I can’t control that.

I also realize that this is someone who is also going through major change and transition in his life and perhaps a bit of depression. He left Afghanistan in January after a lengthy tour – his second, I believe. He’s living off his savings and hasn’t worked since he’s been back. He told me that his sleep schedule is all messed up & I know he’s been looking for work. Or rather, he’s been “being a lazy fucker” as he said, and not actively looking for work. The messiness of his apartment suggests that he’s been staying in a lot and he told me in February that he’s as unfit as he’s ever been & doesn’t like it. Though he seems to have actually put on a bit of weight between February & April. So…even if he was bowing out gracefully, it’s possible that it’s because he was feeling moody & unhappy and it has nothing to do with me.

Yet, I had my expectations (I even shaved my legs & armpits & neatly trimmed my lady business!) I’ve never been good at resetting my expectations. I like things to go the way that I plan them and man, I had some pretty specific and pleasurable plans in my head. Anyway, I was disappointed and then dismayed at the feelings that that prompted. Which sucks.

I will remind myself again that we just had amazing sex on Saturday morning and that he is not someone who does a 10-minute quickie. He’s pretty detail-oriented and last time we must have spent close to three hours enjoying each other. So…if he did have to get up early…okay. Anyway, I like “Young Brad Pitt” and was delighted to have him drift into my life. I hope he doesn’t drift out again and I hope he’s not getting weird. I mean, there’s no polite way that I know of to say “dude, you’ve had your tongue in my ass – don’t go getting weird on me now!”

Meanwhile, my earlier date went pretty well, I do believe. I’m going to start adding a descriptive modifier as well as the initial/age designation for my dates because I think it’s easier to keep track of. So, I’m going to call this one Dancing Doctor Who. Why? Because he is very involved with the blues dancing scene and also a big Dr. Who fan. His designation is R40 – not to be confused with R30 (see why I’m changing this?) No, he doesn’t look like Dr. Who but he’s sort of a little chubby and both handsome and dorky. Also kind of a chestnut ginger – something I didn’t pick up on from his photos. Imagine a slightly pudgier & nerdier Nathan Fillion if you will. We met at this really great speakeasy-type vintage bar in a historic building. Excellent place with fantastic craft cocktails and great ambiance. He was a little bit late due to traffic & let me know 20 minutes ahead of time that his bus was running late. Courteous. Tall. Funny. Nerdy. I do so love the nerdy! We talked very easily for a couple of hours and then he said that he wanted to grab some more substantive food before going to dance and asked me if I would care to join him at a nearby taco truck. Sure, why not? I’m wearing white pants, but I have a couple of changes of clothes in the car. I did mention that I was short on cash, however and assumed that a taco truck might not take a card. We agreed that I would pay for the drinks and he would pay for the tacos. Cool. Good communication. Comfortable. Witty. Much in common. Like-minded.

The “taco truck” was really more of a casual restaurant. Very good. We ate & talked some more and there was some light hand-brushing initiated by him that said “hey, what up, physical contact – I like you!” Okay, that felt pleasant & comfortable as well. I walked him to his dance space and he said it was a shame that I had other plans or he would invite me to stay and dance. Nice. We agreed to see each other again, said we enjoyed it and exchanged a couple of good, solid slightly long hugs and a chaste cheek kiss (he initiated.) Yes. I approve.

The dancing makes me a tad nervous – I don’t have any experience with it but it also looks like fun and God knows I need to exercise more! While we were discussing dance I said that I wasn’t sure if I would be good at following someone’s lead. I admit that as he was describing being the leader being confident, commanding, inventive & communicating moves to their partner and the partner needing to anticipate, meet and respond…I was absolutely thinking about sex.

Good first-meet & my first OkCupid meet-up. Someone I will see again for sure.

I really like the reverse order that I put the description of my two dates in when writing about them. It was actually pretty helpful in making me feel better by reminding me that I have options, flavors, choices, variety and people who find me interesting and attractive.

It’s almost 4:30am. I’m a stupid idiot for being up this late! Goodnight!

 

 

22
Apr
13

Embracing the Unexpected (firmly, with my thighs…)

Hoo boy! Apologies, friends & followers – I am so behind on blogging! I promise it’s because I’ve been dutifully collecting more material to write about! This weekend was a very unexpectedly good one too! I have enough words & ideas floating in my head for several blog entries. If only I could do a data dump via memory stick rather than my fingers I’d be better able to keep up!

Friday night found me home after work with no plans to speak of.  My intent was to avoid the pissing rain by staying in and catching up on some laundry, house cleaning & movies. It was cold enough that I was considering building a fire and about to thaw some soup out for dinner. Then, at 6:51pm, I was offered an opportunity to go see Prince perform at the Showbox theater at the Market – a very intimate (1100 capacity) venue and a very coveted ticket. The four shows he was doing there had been sold-out for months! The catch was? It was general admission and the doors were supposed to have been at 6:30 but were pushed to 7:00. I live about 15 minutes away and was well on my way to slack and sloth – with no makeup, a t-shirt, jeans & a hoodie. Well, I jumped on it hard! Within 8 minutes I had applied some eyeshadow, put on a “boobie shirt” and some cute boots with a little heel, ran a brush through my hair & was driving. I zoomed into Seattle with moderate traffic for a Friday evening, found excellent (if expensive) parking in a lot a block from the venue, grabbed a junky umbrella out of my car (because it was pouring,) and RAN! I was relieved to see that the line for the show still stretched around the corner, but was motivated to hurry because it was starting to move. I called my friend while I ran and she said that they were just under the marquee and about to be let in.

“Is that you with the pink umbrella?”

“YEP!”

ZOOM! I met them at the door, grabbed my ticket, threw the umbrella in the trash can and strode in to the theater for one of the most exciting, loud, energetic, interactive and ROCKING shows that I’ve been to! The Purple One was charming & engaging, full of humor and wit, dead sexy and had a fantastic, all-female band that rocked. Tight guitar licks swelled and it felt like a house-party jam at times. He did a nice mix of new stuff and yet gave a nod to his hits by opening with “Let’s go Crazy” and closing with “Purple Rain” after a subtle reference to the tragedy in Boston and our need to heal & feel good. Perfect.

My friends refused to take any money for the ticket which I later realized had a face value of $275 and was scalping for $500 easily. Jeez! What an unexpected treat! They said I could babysit for them sometime. DEAL!

When the show ended around 10:45 I was completely amped up and also famished, but my friends were anxious to get home to relieve their sitter, so we parted ways and I found myself full of energy, hungry and…in Seattle by myself with no plans. I realized that a (just friends) friend of mine was hosting karaoke at a bar I like about seven minutes away and decided to go there for some food, singing & company. Excellent choice!

My friend was delightedly surprised to see me. I had sent him a hasty text earlier about Prince and he was suitably jealous and also wanted all the details. My food was excellent and satisfying and the crowd was extremely receptive and enthusiastic for karaoke. There were also a lot of good singers and a fairly short rotation, but the energy of the crowd made me feel like a goddess every time I had a mic in hand. I was still flying high (and also slightly deaf) but planned to leave before the adrenaline waned and fatigue hit. Around 12:30 when I made noises about shoving off my friend protested and insisted that I stay. Then I sang some more, people asked to sing with me and the rotation of singers got shorter…okay, twist my arm!

Around 1:30 my friend’s boss who owns the karaoke business showed up to collect him and the equipment. He is also someone that I consider a friend and we were sitting and chatting when my phone chimed to indicate that I had a text. Thinking it could only be my ex hubby texting me at 1:45 in the morning, I was very pleasantly surprised to see that it was my long-lost “1994 Brad Pitt” whom I hadn’t seen since February but had periodically exchanged some wicked-hot texts with! Normally, I am the one who initiates contact with him, so this was unexpected to begin with, but what he said was that he would be at the club we met at on Tuesday – an invitation to get together again. Also unexpected! Tuesdays at that bar are karaoke nights as well and that’s how we met. The host on Tuesdays is “the boss” that I was sitting with right that minute, so I sent a response saying just that:

“Funny, I’m sitting here talking with XXX right now. He says the theme for Tuesday is ‘work’.”

An immediate response followed wondering where I was, I told him and about my most excellent night & he responded with stuff like “gotcha beautiful” which made my heart and crotch leap because I really enjoy this guy a lot but had basically written him off because he’s so inconsistent. Sometimes he goes out and is an attention whore, sometimes he holes up like a hermit, sometimes he’s chatty & even dirty, sometimes he’s non-responsive or monosyllabic. Also, he’s very young and beautiful, so there’s a little bit of an insecurity issue. Ugh…well, not exactly. I feel perfectly sexy and comfortable with him for the most part, but the reality is that he is smoking hot and must have lots of other opportunities. Realistically, I don’t expect to hear from him often, but am glad when I do. Does that make sense? I’m not putting myself down, I’m trying to express the reality. I do the same thing myself – I have men that interest me more than others for various reasons. But I had sent this guy a really direct & raunchy text last week saying how I wanted to get “growlfucked” and to ride his beard and he had just responded by saying that he was sick and not expressing any particular degree of enthusiasm for the idea in different circumstances. Anyway, unexpected…

Given this background, I decided to be slightly less direct, but I messaged that I was still “totally amped” and he offered that I should come to his place, saying he would be more than happy to have me sit on his face if I wanted. Oh yessssss…..

So this guy’s official designation using my system of initial & age would be P29. However, when talking to my friends & they say “now which one is he?” I say “Young Brad Pitt” or “Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall” because, yeah…it sort of works. He’s heart-poundingly yummy and I’m sort of stunned that I’ve had sex with him three times and slept overnight with him twice. The fact that we’ve talked a lot, watched a movie while snuggling and that he took my hand while walking me from my car to his door the other night? *sigh*

We met on Valentine’s Day of all things stupid and possibly ironic. I had thrown together an impromptu “anti-Valentine’s Day” outing for myself and four other single friends to go to this dive bar that I enjoy. It was karaoke night, lady’s night and they were doing some Valentine’s-themed pub games that were fun. I brought a huge box of gourmet chocolate that my client had given me and shared it around the bar. It wasn’t very busy, but the fairly light crowd was really engaging and lively. P29 caught my eye for a couple of reasons – one, because he was alone and clearly there for the singing. This is something that I do fairly often, so I guess I just sort of noted the kindred spirit. Two, he is sort of my “type” – longish hair, beard. But he was wearing a sort of loose jersey & baggy jeans that night and didn’t look insanely hot. We spoke a couple of times – once out on the patio while smoking. He was a little stand-offish and slightly dark. We joked about Valentine’s Day and he said something about not being good with women and I said “I somehow doubt that you have a problem in that area” – something that just came out of my mouth because he was dead pretty, you know? Scruffy, but lovely. I swear I wasn’t really flirting with any intent at that point. Just being conversational, really.

Later, having heard his amazing voice, I asked him if he wanted to sing a duet with me. He declined, saying that he was feeling a little bit selfish and solitary. Later, he approached me and apologized saying that he had recently returned from a long tour in Afghanistan and that he was struggling with re-entry a bit and feeling somewhat overwhelmed. We chatted a bit about that and then he added that part of why he didn’t want to sing together was that he was feeling like he was “off” that night and not sounding good. Whereupon I had to tell him that he was an idiot. 🙂 Later, perhaps after a few drinks, he asked me what I was thinking of singing and I suggested “Don’t go Breakin’ My Heart” by Elton John & Kiki Dee. He agreed to sing with me and it was pretty darn good and also fun. Later as all my friends but one left and the singing rotation got shorter, we cheered each other and chatted a bit more. At one point, he turned to me and said “So, XXX, what kind of work do you do?” and I had my first little tingle of recognition that he might just be chatting me up. Hmmmm…

At closing time, about five of us were mingling outside chatting and making goodbye sounds. P29 had told me about another karaoke venue that he frequented and on a whim, I gave him my personal card & said he should let me know if he wanted to sing together again or whatever. About that time, the karaoke host that I knew casually a bit but not well, indicated that he had missed the last bus and asked if anyone could take him to a different bus stop. My remaining friend volunteered me and when I heard where he lived, I offered to drive him home.*

*I feel the need to insert a safety note here – this is someone whose employer I know and I knew by first & last name. He’s also gay and I felt completely at ease driving him home.

Anyway, I am so glad that I drove the karaoke host home because it was the catalyst that launched our friendship and I enjoy him tremendously (he’s the host that I mentioned meeting up with after Prince as well.) We’re close enough friends now that I’ve been to his birthday party, we’ve had a road trip and he’s met my kids. So yes, super happy to see him home safely, but it cut off any potential continued conversation with P29 and I really didn’t expect to hear from him again. Once again however, I need to embrace the unexpected, because just as I was leaving THE VOICE’s place, I got a text saying “I didn’t think it was fair that I had your number and you didn’t have mine, so this is me.” We then proceeded to message for another hour or so – nothing big, just two people chatting at 4am.

The next day I think we exchanged a few messages – that was a Friday. On Saturday we somehow managed to text all day long while I was cleaning house and attending to errands. Nothing really flirty or anything – just friendly & conversational – much about movies, TV, singing. I was watching Breaking Bad on Netflix for the first time and we spent a lot of time on that subject. Later, he went out to sing and I was a little bummed that he didn’t invite me to join since I had let him know that I didn’t have plans. Oddly, however, he continued to text me while he was at the bar & throughout the evening. Finally, around midnight, he sent an adorable text that said: “So since I have some alcohol in me now and less fear, were you hitting on me the other night because that’s the vibe I was getting but my people skills are off since getting back.” My response went like this: “Generally speaking, yes. But I legitimately wouldn’t mind singing, chatting, etc. either.” (SEND) “But yeah, I gave you my number because you seemed interesting, sexy and what the fuck? I’m a single, grown-ass adult. :)” (SEND) “But I am also gifted with a very pragmatic sense of reality in that I am aware that I am a certain age and a certain flavor.” (SEND) He indicated an interest in the hanging out and said he wasn’t looking for anything remotely serious but was disappointed when I gave THE VOICE a ride home because he wanted to talk a little more and at least make out with me. The he followed that with “And I could care less about age and usually prefer a woman with some meat on her bones.”  I told him that I was pleasantly surprised to have heard from him and that I’m usually not so forward with morose men in bars. More conversation about expectations followed and he mentioned getting together to sing or for movies the following day (which we had discussed previously.) Finally, I just went for it and asked what he was doing right that minute. It was 12:45 by that time, but we’d been essentially flirting all day and he seemed to have tapped into his direct & flirty zone, so I went with it. I said that he should come over then and stay for movies the next day. He agreed.

This is my favorite part in what’s essentially a three-parter of an entry & becoming very long, I realize. He offered to bring food, mixers – very polite. I gave him my address & he headed over. I heard him pull up earlier than I expected & went to answer the door. OH MAN!  I mean, my God, this guy was cute with his scruffy hair & beard in the bar, with the hockey jersey or whatever. But what showed up at my door? I pretty much needed to mop my floor because I think I squirted right then & there. Wavy light brown hair with blonde highlights pulled back into a neat ponytail. Gorgeous distressed leather jacket over a dark dress shirt & black tee. Jeans that hugged all the right spots and beautiful, broken-in, leather cowboy boots (but not the gross kind that are too decorative.) He was seriously beautiful and I was going to make the sex with him. OH> MY> GOD!

So yeah, that we did and it was also unexpectedly amazingly excellent. I mean, I figured it would be good and nice and pleasant and maybe even fun. I didn’t expect someone that young to take command like he did, to be as oral as he was or to be so complimentary or responsive. He was very generous and kept saying my name and telling me how beautiful I was or how much he loved this or that. I was surprised to find that when it was my turn to give him some oral – after enjoying some beard-soakingly-good cunnilingus and analingus – that he wasn’t actually hard. Of course I knew that he’d been drinking a bit, but still, it was unexpected. Turns out, he just needs a rough touch. He likes it very physical and he growls in appreciation when you hit it right, which apparently I did. He’s a grower not a shower and I was quite happy that his little mushroom sprouted into a fine specimen of manhood to match the rest of him. We had some really exceptional sex that was downright fantastic for first-time stuff and here’s young Brad Pitt under me apologizing because he came too quick and it had really been awhile. Dudes, he did not come too quickly and he was a genius with mouth, tongue, fingers and beard. Crikey. So delicious was he that I had to have him again around 8am and then then I asked him to settle a bar bet by telling me how old he was. By this time I already figured he was a little bit older than I had originally thought, but yeah, he’s 29. I still qualify as a cougar I guess. 🙂 Later, he slept until nearly 1 – while I occasionally watched him because his serene face was simply beautiful to look at. When he woke we actually watched the movie that had more or less been sex pretense – that was nice. We cuddled and kissed a bit more too – again, not typical morning-after behavior, right? But that was the last time I saw him for two months. Yes, there were messages – some very raunchy and sexy, but we didn’t re-connect until Friday.

Well, Saturday morning, I guess. By the time I got to his place it was around 2:30am. I asked if I could bring anything and he said “just you” and he directed me to a lot where I could park overnight and until 5pm the next day. Oh, okay. I guess I’m staying over, huh? YAY! I was having trouble finding the lot he’d directed me to, so I pulled over & sent him a text. The knock on my passenger-side window caused me to let loose a Jamie Lee Curtis-like scream and a string of swear words and there he was, chuckling and telling me that I need to relax. But how can I relax when you look delicious in that cowboy hat and…oh yum. He hopped in and directed me to park then insisted on paying the fee because I was his guest. Nice. Walking to his place he took my hand. Also nice. Hi, how have you been? 🙂

Continuing our “unexpected” theme I have to kick myself in the ass for my preconceived ideas. I expected his place to be a tiny little walk-up apartment. Not so. Brand new building, beautifully decorated, him on the 5th floor. Granted, his place was a complete mess, but it was beautiful and the best part was his gorgeous king-sized Tempurpedic mattress and leather headboard. He said that after years of sleeping in crappy quarters that he splurged on the bed and that it was amazing. It was. He was.

I was sore from standing during Prince and he helped me take my boots off and massaged my feet. Then he guided me down on the bed, climbed on me and started massaging my back and shoulders. Of course, the least I could do was insist on getting naked so that he could do a more thorough job – which he did. Soon we were both naked and making out like crazy. I was reminded how much this man loves to eat pussy in very short order. Seriously, it was all about me and he ate like a starving man. No polite clit-licking this – we’re talking noisy, sloppy, full-face slurping interspersed with comments about how delicious I was. After I soaked his beard a few times I had to take an opportunity to taste myself on him and clean up his face. I am in fact pretty delicious – especially on his lips. When I took a turn giving him some oral attention – remembering that he likes a rough touch – he insisted that I should sit on his face while sucking his cock because he wanted more of me. God. Damn.

After a long time in this configuration, he let me know when it was time for one of my condoms and I put it on him with my mouth while he moaned. I let him choose the position and he opted for me on top. We did that for a good long while with lots of feedback from him again but in my enthusiasm, he fell out at one point and we had a little trouble getting him re-situated so he flipped me over and started going to work on my pussy & ass with his mouth & fingers again. I think I finally just died and went to heaven because eventually I came in a torrent and laid back and said “shattered” which made him laugh and say that he was glad I enjoyed it.

Now, with older men, I’ve witnessed a fair bit of embarrassment if not frustration if they are unable to perform. Not so with P29. He calmly and with good humor said that his dick was being stubborn, cited the many drinks that he had had earlier and seemed nonplussed by it. I stroked his body & played with his nipples while he sucked air in his teeth and then said that I was more than happy to try to offer further “encouragement” if that’s what he wanted, but that I didn’t want to pressure him if he didn’t think he was up to the task. He said he liked what I was doing and didn’t feel pressured and would let me know if he couldn’t. So…I set to work with my mouth in a way that he immediately responded to very favorably.

One more unexpected moment – if, at my age and level of experience someone does something unique that I’ve never had anyone do before? That’s very surprising. This guy? Full of surprises. Simply being as genuinely oral as he is is a surprising and unusual treat. The ass-play is also a bit of a unique treat – particularly because I enjoy a little bit of play but am not really a fan of a full-on butt reaming. This guy is really great at giving direction – both verbally and non-verbally. I’m usually a little bit dominant, particularly with someone new and this was only our second time being together so it was fascinating that he was able to lead and direct me so well. The “oh, hey – that’s different” moment came when I was sucking him off and he once again asked me to get into a 69 position with me on top. Seriously – he didn’t just want me to blow him, he wanted me to sit on his face while doing so. I was doing some of my best work and would sometimes ease up on the full business in order to concentrate on the tip. If I did this for very long he would wrap his leg around my head and gently push my head back down his length to take him deep. He did this twice and I thought it was both athletic and also clever – he never had to use his hands that were so busy elsewhere.

Eventually, I managed to even distract him from that task which he was enjoying so much. When he came it was loud and very long with full body spasm and ongoing shudders and many a “holy shit” “oh fuck” and such uttered. I responded with his line that I was glad that he enjoyed it.

He was quite clear about having me stay over, but didn’t seem interested in fooling around in the morning but he did insist on walking me to my car like the gentleman I am discovering him to be. We’re supposed to be meeting tomorrow night but it’s very loose & casual. That’s what I struggle with where this one is concerned. I don’t want to make a big deal of things, but I would like to be able to plan and enjoy time together. I guess I fear that I am just a drunk booty call – which I’m not completely opposed to considering how good the sex is. However, I like him as a person as well and wouldn’t mind having that comfort level to say “hey, do you want to do XYZ?” without feeling like maybe I was imposing. Frankly, the fact that I feel that way pisses me off for a couple of reasons. One, he’s never been anything but nice, kind, generous, complimentary, gentlemanly and honest with me. I like that, but I have also had him be non-responsive to texts or respond minimally. It’s frustrating. I feel like this may be one reason that I am more suited to a polyamorous model for relationships. I love it when I can say “yeah, I had a date Friday” to someone that I am involved with and have it not be a weird thing. It’s very liberating. (It’s also a future blog topic!)

Which leads me to tomorrow – when I’m meeting someone new for happy hour at 5pm and hopefully still meeting up with P29 around 9pm. In any case I will bring an overnight bag and my handy-dandy non-latex condoms just in case. And maybe I’ll take a vitamin too – 29-year-olds are exhausting! 😉

08
Mar
13

friday freak-outs, flirtations and friskiness!

I’m kind of a spaz right now. I need food. I need a drink. I need to get laid. Okay, maybe I’ll rub one out before heading out to see about all the rest. Yeah, I’d better! I’m in such a mood that I could see myself calling C43 and saying “hey, buddy – aren’t we due for our quarterly, no-strings friend fuck?” I’m feeling quite randy.

I know it’s obnoxious to say that I’m in a “dry spell” just because I haven’t had sex in nine days. I would be an asshole to say that. Particularly because I’ve gone for several months without it in the not-so-distant past. At the time of my separation I’d had sex one time in nine months. I guess there’s a use it or lose it factor in play. I’ve been using it and I miss it and I’m horny tonight. I recently parted ways permanently with my “standby guy” of the past six months (S46) after a drunk, obnoxious and rather physical scene just over a week ago. (Okay, yeah, nine days ago.) 😦

Part of the reason that I’m cranked up tonight is because I have been enjoying a little text flirtation with the stunningly sexy P29. Amongst my friends P29 is referred to as “young Brad Pitt” because he looks like he walked out of Legends of the Fall in 1994. He’s delicious and excellent in the sack – a fairly impressive trait for first-time sex with someone that young. I haven’t seen him in 2 1/2 weeks and we’ve not communicated very much since he kissed me goodbye at my door. Last week I sent a text saying “not sure if we’re still pals, but I’m hanging out at…” and he assured me that we’re still pals. Tonight I hit him up to see if he wanted to play but sadly, he’s in Vegas for the weekend. He was a little more chatty and flirty tonight than he usually is and my panties are moist as a result. Man this guy turns me on. I want to climb him. I want him to move in for six weeks so that I can ruin him for other women. Ugh. Add to that sexual tension, S32 (the guy who cancelled on me for Thursday) sent me some flirty texts tonight too. These two guys fall into the “most sexy” category of my current lineup. They are also the youngest, but I’m not sure that’s why. C43 is very sexy – he’s just not that into me and he’s a bit down on himself and life right now, so that takes away from the zing! factor.

I decided to get on POF and see what was shaking there. I don’t usually make the first move but did tonight. I recognize that I am a certain age and a certain “flavor” that not all men care for. That’s not putting myself down or being self-deprecating. That’s being a realist and being honest. I don’t want someone who is going to “settle” for me because I seem nice or they want to get laid. I want someone who freaking loves my curvy body. So generally I let the chubby chasers come to me. One of those, R41, has been messaging me pretty regularly for a little over a week. Our chats have been really casual but then he’ll throw in a comment about wondering if I’m naked or say something about my boobs probably needing to be free pretty soon. Anyway, he went dark three days ago and hasn’t been responding to my “hey, happy weekend” posts. Dammit. I’d take that 6′ 3” sporto tonight.

I had a couple of men message me that didn’t really interest me. (See? I can actually be selective – even when I’m randy as hell!) A couple that I messaged gave witty responses but demurred about meeting. No instant gratification for me – at least without batteries.

I may be extra wired tonight because of a couple of earlier freak-outs too. I may have some residual adrenaline on board. What happened? Well, I’m trying my best to make risquedivorcee.com a legitimate blog with followers, comments and regular views. I like disciplining myself to write each day and having an audience to speak to seems to help keep me engaged. So, today after my earlier post, I decided to make a Facebook site for the blog as an attempt to increase traffic. After much consideration, I opted just to use my personal gmail account as the email. I was just starting the process of signing up for a new Facebook (careful not to “find friends” using my email account, natch,) when I noticed that I already had a friend request. I found that…odd…since I hadn’t so much as put a profile pic or my website address in yet. When I clicked on the friend request, I was told that the name was being withheld until I verified my email address. I hadn’t even gotten that far. So I verified the address and checked to see who my first friend request was from. It was from my younger brother.  😦  SO! NOT! OKAY! 😦

Nooooooo! Why? Seriously? Is he following my blog? Does he know it’s me? Does he not? Is he attracted to this frisky female or is he saving up all this information so that he can go on a killing spree? Good grief! I freaked out and called my niece, Olivia* who is not his daughter but knows all about this blog. I made her go through all her email accounts to see if I had accidentally sent out some sort of announcement inviting my friends to find me on Facebook. She received nothing.  That was a relief, but why did I get a request from him and why so fast? It occurred to me that a mutual Facebook friend of ours had linked to my blog earlier this week and maybe he saw it. It’s possible that he just happened to see risquedivorcee was on Facebook so that he could “like” it at the precise moment that I was creating an account. It’s possible. Still…creepy and weird!

Finally, it occurred to me that what likely happened was that at some time he probably did some sort of “find friends” thing using his email contacts and that my gmail address was one of them. It was probably some sort of auto-generated thing that happened the moment that I created the Facebook account.Yeah, that seems much more likely than any other scenario that I could imagine.

Also, I realized a couple of hours ago that my public profile on Word Press used a link that contained my actual name. I have since changed my user ID, but if you looked at my profile during the past five days you could have seen that. Fixed now!

I am not ashamed of myself or my behavior at all. I am just not ready to be “outed” yet. This blog isn’t exactly private – I am sharing it with strangers after all – but it’s intended for a select audience of supportive, interested and like-minded people. It is not intended for my brother. (Dude, if you recognize yourself in this post I think you’d better call me, okay?)

Meanwhile, I’m hungry in more ways than one and I think I’m going to get a little tarted up and see what kind of trouble I can find this evening. What are you guys up to?

*not her real name.

04
Mar
13

Coming up next on Risque Divorcee (brainstorming future topics)

Okay, I just brainstormed a list of future topic headers. Since I want to keep your interest, I will share what I came up with:

 

  • That “cougar” thing? It’s legit!
  • Online Dating (friendship, flirting, fun)
  • Safety, selectiveness & my personal Jimminy Cricket
  • “Wanna Chat?” “Pic for Pic?” (Online spank buddies)
  • I have no teeth and live in my mom’s basement
  • Teeny Weenie Republicans (I will not fuck someone who is anti-choice!)
  • Vegas, Baby!
  • Lie to me! (Getting blown off/stood up)
  • Married men, morality and “relationshipppy” stuff
  • Once you go black…everything they say is true!
  • I want to pleasure *YOU*
  • Texts from jealous girlfriends
  • Brad Pitt 1994 – Legends of the Fall – and his jacket
  • The line between BDSM, hot sex and assault
  • The “friend zone”
  • Saying no

…and many more!!




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Quickies with the Risqué Divorcée!

  • Facebook "It looks like you're at Burger King. Check in to share with your friends." Me: shut the fuck up, Facebook! 2 years ago
  • RT @amyisprettycool: Ok, who wrote the Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer #SNL sketch because they just made America great again 2 years ago
  • RT @LuvPug: My husband thinks it's so cute when I speak to him with terms of endearment like 'honey' or 'cockblocker' 2 years ago
  • RT @SondraDeeMe: I've always had a soft spot in my heart for female T-Rex because the tampon insertion must've been really difficult. 2 years ago
  • RT @joss: To everyone who keeps saying "Go back to making jokes/films/etc", WHAT DO YOU THINK WE WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING 2 years ago
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