Posts Tagged ‘cooking

29
Apr
13

I tell you that you smell like cheese, you climax in German…

I almost titled this blog entry “enjoying the perfectly pleasant” but I chose something with a little more “pop” instead. Plus it’s all true. Even my pleasant & comfortable is a little on the weird side. That’s okay, really!

Well, I had a perfectly pleasant date Friday night/Saturday morning. Nothing wrong with being spoiled rotten and seduced by someone who is attentive, sensual, generous, kind and nerdy. A little weird nerdy, but I don’t mind. I am too, I guess. This is Dancing Dr. Who/R40 who could also be “Nerdy Nathan Fillion” I guess. After drinks turned into dinner & a walk on Tuesday, I messaged him about getting together on Thursday or Friday. He responded fairly promptly and suggested that I come over to his place on Friday and he would cook for me. I should mention that he is very, very serious about his cooking. Very serious. Even his profile on OKCupid describes his interest in authentic, regional Italian cooking as well as gelato and ice cream. He’s passionate about researching, shopping for & creating meals as well as wine pairing and vintage craft cocktails. I found this to be both interesting and a bit obsessively intimidating, but I was looking forward to it and selected three different wines to pair with the menu he had planned. Several texts were exchanged about menu, preferences & wine – thus turning my casual evening into a bit of a production, but I was still looking forward to it. I even dressed a little less casually than I had originally planned – I figured if he was going to so much trouble I could as well.

I had the impression that I would be staying over given some of the suggestive, flirty talk that he had initiated, so I packed an overnight bag just in case – including my non-latex condoms, of course. I showed up a bit late (having told him I would be,) due to traffic and a fairly significant plumbing crisis at my house. I was delighted to turn the household emergency over to the landlord to deal with, but I had to shower at a friend’s place and was a bit frazzled by the time I arrived. I was taken aback by the stunning views at his rather impressive, old Victorian. It was very comfortable & I left my bag in the car & parked in the driveway. Having been duly introduced to the housemates, I wandered around the kitchen and the main floor just checking things out. He was prepping in the kitchen and in short order, pulled me in for a hug that turned into a caress & slight, swaying dance – with little butterfly kisses, body rubbing & light, gentle touches of my face, lips, nose & eyes. It was both sweet, intimate and slightly frustrating as we still hadn’t had an actual first kiss, but it was very calming and centering and very comfortable. I said as much to him – saying it was exactly the right thing that I needed at that moment. It was also very sweet that he took a moment just to breathe me in rather than just rushing around & working on dinner. I felt very welcomed and cherished. Pre-dinner fancy cocktails were also very appreciated and welcoming. Dinner was bruchetta, tuna steaks & fresh artichokes all grilled on the mesquite fire & served with an olive-oil & garlic herb sauce that you drizzled over the food. This made for some serious garlic breath, but it was so worth it because the food was amazing.

After dinner & clean-up that I was also barely allowed to help with, we moved to the couch and were discussing what to do next while essentially making out and finally having some real kisses. He made a comment about being tired and having to work the next day and mentioned that he was working near where I live (about 15 minutes away.) As he is another urban hipster that doesn’t drive by choice, I asked how he was getting there and he showed me the bus route he was planning to take. I offered an alternative. Open another bottle of wine, I stay & take you in the morning on my way home. Deal. We also agreed that we were too full to manage the three courses of dessert he had planned and I suggested saving them for breakfast – a notion that really seemed to amuse him.

After some more wine, a little dancing & a lot of kissing, we moved the party upstairs. I think we were both a little drunk and a fair bit exhausted by that time. His quarters were both charming and whimsical while also being slightly inconvenient and…perhaps a bit odd for an adult. It was the old servant’s quarters/attic up the winding back stairs off the kitchen. The only bathroom was also off the kitchen – in the floor below. Inconvenient! The space was put together well, however and the views were stunning. It was also a bit dusty and my allergies would probably have gone completely crazy if we hadn’t had a window open. While we were snuggling and making out I realized that between the warm day, small room, garlic and wood smoke we were a bit smelly. I was again glad that the window was open but I noted that his hair smelled of wood smoke and at some point in my dozy boozy state I told him that he smelled like a smoked gouda. For some reason, this seemed really appropriate with the foodie guy and he seemed to find it amusing and charming. Eventually talk turned to how long he would have been aged and my affinity for hard cheese. Yeah, it was weird but it sorta worked, you know?

Sex was lazy and a little vanilla – which is fine. (I swear, the food reference there was purely unintentional!) He was very enthusiastic and responsive, but let me lead which was somewhat unexpected. I don’t honestly remember what happened that slowed our progress, but somewhere in the middle we got distracted or there was a condom complication and he didn’t finish. I offered to help with that but he seemed fine just to sleep, spoon & cuddle. I slept okay – dozed mostly. Oddly, I kept having dreams about us having sex – that he had slipped in while spooning me (without a condom) or that I had finished him off with my mouth. The vivid dreams mixed with the muzzy reality created a very surreal combination of not being entirely clear on what had actually happened and what hadn’t. I also had to get up to go to the bathroom a couple of times and that was a perilous journey. I would take my phone with me because it had a flashlight app and one time quite late I noticed that I had missed a few texts while I had my ringer off. One was from “Soup Can” R30 asking where I was. Hmmm…booty call. One was from one of the 23-year-olds from last year pinging me for the first time in about eight months.  That was…interesting and unexpected. We messaged a little bit and I said that I was at a sleepover with a friend and just discreetly fucking with my phone. He said something about wishing he was discreetly fucking and also wanting to be naked. Drunk, young…cute as fuck but probably a really, really bad idea. I do like a man who is unfazed when I say I’m in another man’s bed though. I dig that a lot.

Anyway, morning found more snuggling and spooning with Dr. Who and before I knew it he was whipping out cookbooks and talking about breakfast. There was also espresso in bed – that was pretty awesome too but I did have to switch his focus to the fact that he had a woman in his bed who needed a morning wake-up. He didn’t take much convincing – a little re-directing put him on track and it was good if goofy. He requested me on top – okay, fine…but he did this weird little frog-kick with his legs that added some thrust that was very pleasant but looked a bit silly. I was laughing and noted “the little frog kick” and he said yes, he likes to do it “froggy style” which made me snort and also cum in short order. It was rather nice, but after awhile I asked if we could switch positions and he took the top. That was much more immediately satisfying and I could tell he was getting close and he got a bit loud. Okay, that’s fine…he began to sort of shout/moan near the end and then came with a flourish shouting “Wonderbar!”

Um, did you just climax in German? I laughed out loud and said “so, it’s not just Italian then, huh?” I really don’t mind fun and goofy sex. It was companionable and comfortable and pretty good – especially for people that are just learning each other. The German orgasm rather amused me. But hey, let your freak flag fly! I appreciate someone who can go with whatever they feel in the moment.

Breakfast was a beautiful frittata with local pancetta, rosemary stolen from the neighbors herb garden,  local organic eggs and onions. It was amazing. There were muscat grapes & some buckwheat porridge with raisins. Very strong coffee was a nice accompaniment with our meal and then we had the dessert from the night before – his homemade lavender coffee ice cream. It was amazing. My mouth was in love with the contrasting flavors. Eventually my mouth enjoyed a fine tooth-brushing and my body got a shower and we took off towards the burbs. I dropped him at his appointed spot and he needed to run but he kissed me, thanked me for the ride and said that he enjoyed himself. He said I am “one hot tomato” and I said “back atcha, kid” which was a weird response and apparently now it’s 1947, daddio.

R40/Dr. Who identifies as poly – as do I, really – in the sense that I am not looking for exclusive. Thus the fact that we’ve not talked a lot since isn’t too unusual. Yesterday he sent a text with something that he forgot to tell me that morning when he was “distracted” and then today I sent him a page from a recipe book that I thought would amuse him but he didn’t respond. I hope that we can see each other again – I think that we could get along nicely and he would make a nice addition to the regular rotation.

Wonderbar!

 

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19
Mar
13

first meets and first meats

Man, chatting with three different men at the same time on POF does not help get a new blog post out! Facebook has also been hopping and drawing my attention away from my task at hand. Sometimes I feel so popular, other times so very solitary. I think this new world of social media contributes to that – we are always connected to others and yet can be very alone at the same time.

I added a static front page to my blog with my little “who is” bio. Tell me if it sucks. I just couldn’t figure out how to display my little cartoon image as a header without changing my theme. I swear I could get lost in trying to figure out the mechanics of page layout, but again, that takes me away from what I’m supposed to be doing here – writing!

This week has brought lots of texting, messaging & chatting with various men but not much 1:1 in-person interaction. I have a coffee date set for Thursday and a dinner, movie, sleepover date set for Friday though. Different fellas, naturally. My new “booty call” fuck buddy from the casino who wanted to be my regular sex slave? He put his hip out playing basketball on Sunday and is in agonizing pain. I’m thinking he’s going to be on injured reserve for awhile. How depressing! I like to have an active roster if I can. 😉 I told him that I was sorry that I broke him.

While I have a bit of a break from new adventures, I thought I would take the opportunity to get back to the progression of the online dating thing. After setting up my safety rules and evaluating my intent, I went back to chatting with and trying to meet folks. At first I was open to pretty much anyone that lived locally and asked. I quickly learned to be more selective and frankly, to be somewhat harsh. Online dating is very different than dating organically in the real world! The expectations are multiplied and inhibitions reduced!

I certainly talked to some scary, amusing, horrifying, interesting and colorful characters. More on that in another blog, for sure! Terrible pick-up lines and POF horror stories abound! But the first few meet-ups were pretty pathetic too. I blame myself to some extent. Being willing to give anyone a shot, staying too long, talking too long, seeming interested when you’re really not – these were my sins in the early days. I had to learn to say no and to get out before the guy starts picking out our wedding colors. God, do I sound like a man or what? But that’s sort of the problem. So many men see me as a nice, comfortable, middle-aged lady who probably makes a good pot-roast and would let them touch my boobies every so often.  While this may certainly be true, I also felt like there was a certain element of “oh, a fat girl won’t mind if I am a complete loser who makes no effort whatsoever.” There seemed to be guys that didn’t care whether we had anything in common or not, but who were just happy if I was willing to settle for them because they were willing to settle for me.

That sounds harsh, I guess, but since I was new to the scene, I didn’t realize that I didn’t have to settle at all – that I would eventually be inundated with offers from all sorts of men and that I would be able to be selective about who I wanted to spend my time with. Also, I hadn’t had sex in months and I will admit, I wasn’t feeling very picky. My mistake!

My first meet-ups were with C37, C41, H46, B36 & later N42.

C37 was cute enough in his pictures – somewhat sporty and a little bit of a bigger body type. I enjoyed talking to him on the phone, but he was a little bit um, “urban” I guess. I mean, one of those white boys who says “sup” and wears backwards caps, I guess? He would text from work and that was nice. We had a good dialogue and a little flirtation, but he was always talking about his medical stuff – headaches, blood pressure, blood sugar level, going to the doctor – and then he would mention that he was having another red bull and going out for a smoke. So maybe not the sharpest tool in the box, but I was looking for a tool in my box, so…I met him. In person he was much bigger than photos led me to believe. This is not a deal-breaker for me, but he was a bit pear-shaped and short. He also seemed to chain-smoke and talked with a perpetually “stuffy nose” sound that was a bit annoying. Turns out that was due to a major car accident he was in that contributes to the headaches as well. I wasn’t very attracted, but we shared a hug and made plans to get together again for dinner and football. I like to think that the person that I have evolved into since last summer would probably not have even given this guy my number, let alone set up a future meeting. C37 canceled our first planned evening due to some drama involving some female friend and her son that were in an abusive situation. Okay, that’s something that I can respect that also maybe puts up some red flags. Our second attempt was going to be dinner at his place and watching football afterwards.  What happened to my safety rules? Well, I had his name, address, phone number, place of employment, we’d met and I wanted to have sex and figured he would do! However, as I was on my way to his place and stuck in traffic, I called him to let him know that I would be later than expected. He then proceeded to do this moaning little bit about how if I would rather just cancel it was fine. He understood if I didn’t want to come over. I told him that wasn’t the situation, but his constant whining was beginning to get on my nerves, so I took the given opportunity to cancel and went with my gut – which said enough was enough with this guy! We chatted a few more times out of politeness in communicating the disinterest, but that was it for him.

C41 was probably my first “immediate friend zone” guy. He was short and trim and not at all my typical body type, but he was smart and very goofy. I like that a lot. We’d messaged a few times and one Friday when we were both online he asked what I was up to and I said I was thinking of hitting the casino or finding some karaoke. He said he was heading out to do karaoke and a quick meet-up happened. It was too loud to talk too much, but it was great karaoke and I credit him for introducing me to the place! We had fun but I think we defined “no chemistry” – which is actually okay too. I want to meet friends as well. I was more than a little bit put off by the fact that he had two very young children and had only been separated for two weeks! Yikes! Still, I heard from him again recently and we exchanged a few messages. I could see us being friends, but I don’t think either of us was particularly entranced by the other. Though I got my first “cougar” text on my drive home from meeting this guy. Most interesting story – for another blog entry!

H46 – I don’t even remember his real name. That’s horrible! I even checked my contacts. I can still see his profile on POF, but I can’t remember the name of my first coffee meet! Ugh! This one was my fault. I really led him on and I feel bad. This guy showed up for coffee and filled the doorway – he was a mountain of a man – height and weight both. While very nice and very attracted to me – as he stated quite clearly – I wasn’t very attracted and our coffee talk revealed that he was very conservative among other things that didn’t click with me. A few Obama jokes and I was just about done, but we were both talkers and our coffee wound up being almost three hours long. I take responsibility for that. I gave him the impression that it was going well when in fact, I had just given us enough time to discover what didn’t work. Also, I kept thinking that he reminded me of someone and I couldn’t put my finger on who. Finally I did. My deceased father-in-law. Ugh. No. If there was any hope of anything happening with him (which there wasn’t) that had just put the nail in the coffin. He asked me to go for a walk or to dinner to turn our meeting into a date but I declined. Later I sent him an email saying what a pleasure it was to have met him and I hoped that we could be friends, but that his resemblance to my FIL was disconcerting and I couldn’t imagine a romance resulting. I also made some rather nice statements about him reminding me that my son got his beautiful eyes from my FIL and such. I was very complimentary and nice but he was quite pissed and told me it was “my loss” and we most certainly did not become friends after that.

B36 was a big, goofy teddy bear of a guy with piercing blue eyes and a winning smile. We messaged for a few days before exchanging numbers and then texted often. He would send me messages saying “hey beautiful” and we made plans to meet for coffee or a drink after he got off from work on Memorial Day. However, as it happened, his relief at work called in and quit and he was stuck providing security at a local office complex. He had been up for a long time, had been working for 12 hours and was enjoying the holiday pay and overtime but was dismayed at not getting to see me. He kept me posted on updates from his dispatcher, but it looked like it wasn’t going to happen. He kept us both entertained by sending funny little pictures and videos of himself at work. He joked about me bringing him some coffee. One of the photos he sent clearly showed the logo of the place he was providing security for so I looked it up and went to go get him some coffee. I figure he’s security, right? I messaged him right before I got there and he was thrilled. We met in the parking lot for coffee. He was a big guy, but he wore it well by being both broad and tall. I thought he was pretty sexy and the feeling seemed mutual. Before long we were exchanging kisses. Soon, we were making out. He also loved to put his hands on my neck and shoulders – which makes me crazy. And licking. He was a licker – tonguing my neck and ear like a starving man. I could only imagine the other things that tongue could do. Man, it had been SO LONG since I had had sex and even longer since I had been that turned on! He was still working though, and still waiting to hear about someone coming to relieve him. Finally, the call came that someone would be there in about 30 minutes. We discussed whether to try to meet another time or what. I knew he was exhausted but he didn’t care – he still wanted to spend time with me. I invited him to come to my place. I was ready for some SEX! 

Eventually, he followed me back to my place. I did manage to get his full name and let my friend know that I was bringing him home before doing so – safety first! This was the first guy that I had brought home to my new place. He grew up in my neighborhood and knew it well. I was looking forward to that tongue in action but besides some making out, there wasn’t a further demonstration. He was tired and I was absolutely understanding. He wasn’t tremendously endowed either – a slight disappointment, but I was still looking forward to having it in me! Yay! We got the condom applied and lined up the shot and he was having trouble getting in. I opted for rear-entry due to our size and to get maximum use out of his finger-sized member. On the third failed attempt at entry he said “sorry” and then lay back on the bed. Ugh! Frustrating! I figured I would have to take charge of the situation…until I realized what he was apologizing for. He’d cum without ever making it inside of me. Oh MAN! Goddammit! I was so annoyed! But I managed to keep it mostly to myself while being very understanding about the fact that it had “been a long time” and that he was really tired from working so long. Okay, go to sleep and let’s try in the morning, yeah? No. Instead he talked my face off about conservative politics, his female roommate, his cat, more conservative politics, how he was a pro-Life Republican and I was an idiot. Hey bub, if you are suddenly so full of energy, how about putting that tongue to better use than talking bullshit? Jeez what a disappointment! We tried to get together again. He would text me with “hey sexy” and “hey beautiful” and we would make tentative plans that he never seemed to follow through on. He didn’t have enough money to put gas in his stupid monster truck, they cut his hours, or worst, “sounds good – I’ll let you know” followed by…nothing. Seriously. The guy’s last words to me were “okay, beautiful.” After that? I didn’t bother.

Seriously though, both B36 & N42 (whom we will talk about later,) were invited over to my place for food that I bought and cooked, football and sex. Both stood me up. What kind of man turns down food, football & sex? I tell you, it’s the kind I don’t want to mess with anymore! Buh-bye! NEXT!

 

07
Mar
13

more topics from risquédivorcée

For your continued and potentially long-term pleasure, I thought I would once again share some topics that I have simmering for future use:

  • Worst pick-up lines ever…why do so many people use the same ones? Credit to the uniquely bad ones?
  • No really, let’s talk more about my boobs!
  • BBW dating and sexy undies
  • “Reverse” age discrimination. Dating younger men and whether I’m a pig for dating someone 29 and not someone 55!
  • “You act like a man when it comes to sex and relationships”
  • “Are you sick of the bar scene?”
  • Cooking & shopping for one
  • Valentine’s Day and other depressing holidays
  • The ex and I discuss dating and sex (No! NOT with each other!)
  • Booze & boys: when the social lubricant turns to whiskey dick
  • So what’s the deal with (no) pubic hair?

…and more! No coupon necessary!




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Quickies with the Risqué Divorcée!

  • Facebook "It looks like you're at Burger King. Check in to share with your friends." Me: shut the fuck up, Facebook! 10 months ago
  • RT @amyisprettycool: Ok, who wrote the Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer #SNL sketch because they just made America great again 11 months ago
  • RT @LuvPug: My husband thinks it's so cute when I speak to him with terms of endearment like 'honey' or 'cockblocker' 11 months ago
  • RT @SondraDeeMe: I've always had a soft spot in my heart for female T-Rex because the tampon insertion must've been really difficult. 11 months ago
  • RT @joss: To everyone who keeps saying "Go back to making jokes/films/etc", WHAT DO YOU THINK WE WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING 11 months ago