Posts Tagged ‘divorce


more topics from risquédivorcée

For your continued and potentially long-term pleasure, I thought I would once again share some topics that I have simmering for future use:

  • Worst pick-up lines ever…why do so many people use the same ones? Credit to the uniquely bad ones?
  • No really, let’s talk more about my boobs!
  • BBW dating and sexy undies
  • “Reverse” age discrimination. Dating younger men and whether I’m a pig for dating someone 29 and not someone 55!
  • “You act like a man when it comes to sex and relationships”
  • “Are you sick of the bar scene?”
  • Cooking & shopping for one
  • Valentine’s Day and other depressing holidays
  • The ex and I discuss dating and sex (No! NOT with each other!)
  • Booze & boys: when the social lubricant turns to whiskey dick
  • So what’s the deal with (no) pubic hair?

…and more! No coupon necessary!


breaking bad…habits

Wednesday nights are for me and music. For eleven years I have been taking part in a group that is mine and not about kids, hubby, work, etc. It’s challenging, educational, social, invigorating and satisfying…and it’s not sex. Tonight, when I was driving home, I found myself on “autopilot” heading towards my old house. The old house where my ex lives – in the opposite direction of my new house. Curses! It was bound to happen at some point and habit and exhaustion decided it was tonight. Crap. It was only a five minute inconvenience, but it underscored something for me: sometimes I have to re-train my brain.

During the past four years or so I have gone from a full-time mother, cook, housekeeper, accountant & family manager to someone with a career, no kids at home, my own business and, more recently, someone who is single, living alone for the first time and dating. I can do what I want when I want to and I am the only person that I am responsible for. It’s sometimes staggering. I keep saying that I am waiting for the other shoe to drop – for loneliness, sadness, hurt, anger and depression to set in. It hasn’t. I have my moments – but they seem to be like tonight – when I forget. It’s like I need to reboot and reset myself to “single, fun person” instead of whatever the hell I used to be.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t regret being the person that I was. I have very few regrets. I love my children and my ex husband very much and they are fine people. We had a lot of fantastic years together as a family and will have many more as a different kind of family. But it’s sometimes challenging to break the habits that I’ve been in for 25 years and evolve.

Sometimes I wonder if I am overcompensating for my “loss” and seeking validation from men that I fuck instead of from my family. I like to think that’s not the case, but I am acutely aware of the fact that I’ve been pretty slutty lately and wonder if it’s a phase or a lifestyle choice. I wonder if I will be this slutty a year from now. Right now it feels like another “hobby” that I do for myself. I like sex. I like socializing. I don’t have to. It’s not like I have to go cruise a bar and pick someone up in order to feel fulfilled. Sometimes I watch TV, go out with friends, write, play games, hang out, do laundry, do work, rake the yard…etc. I also tend to be fairly selective when it comes to men these days. I mean, I’m not looking for someone for financial support, to father my children, to marry or to be my soulmate. Therefore, my standards are a bit…flexible…but I’m still not just picking up every dick that makes a play.

I promise that I will soon get back to the evolution of my dating and sex for crying out-loud (when we last saw our heroine she was freaking out about some rape-y guy on a dating site and considering her “rules of engagement” to keep safe!) Meanwhile, I am contemplating bad habits, good habits and overall attitude.

Tonight I didn’t feel well. I would have loved to have stayed home and not gone to my Wednesday thing. But I needed to. I had to give an audition and I really needed to work on some complicated music. Not to mention, seeing my friends keeps me somewhat balanced. So I put on a happy face and brought the best self that I could muster. Sometimes you just have to fake it until you make it. Or “be the change you want to see in the world” if we’re going to talk in bumper stickers. Sometimes just putting on some lipstick and a smile and forcing yourself to go out can bring positive results in your life. We’ll be talking about that more in coming posts, I promise!


Deciding to date – how I got there…

Back in August when I decided it was time to date there were several motivators. I’d been looking for my own place and engrossed in moving while working for about four months. My friends had been great, but I was tired of getting the “ohmigosh, what happened?” response or having to go through the latest story of drama/conflict/sadness with my ex. Those months where you are separating and trying to hammer out an amicable agreement while not losing your mind over who gets the colander that you got for a wedding gift in the late 80s? Yeah, those are tough. Add to that, our son was in the process of moving to college as well. At some point, my ex and I both had a defining moment at the same time: the realization that we weren’t just separating and maybe working on things, dating, having some personal reflection time and maybe coming back together stronger and happier. No, we were heading towards divorce. Seriously, we both realized this at the same time and both decided to change our Facebook status to “single” instead of “separated” on the same day. I decided independently without realizing that he had done the exact same thing about 5 hours earlier. Huh. So there you go. One definitive moment that permanently altered a 25-year relationship and opened the door to so much possibility.

I felt like I needed to get out and experience my city, socialize and meet new people. I was ready to get away from the “team Mr.” and “team Mrs.” friends or those who really were trying to stay neutral and kept asking how the kids were doing or whether there was any chance we might get back together. Also, there were a fair number of folks who pretended to give a shit just because they wanted the scoop on any potential dirt. I was ready to be a little bit selfish and stop talking about the past, the separation, the ex, the kids…I was ready to focus on ME. And my vagina.

No, seriously. The ex and I had settled into a nearly sexless existence. Including the separation time, by August we had only had sex one time in nine months! I am a very sexual person and less than once a week is a challenge for me. Less than once a month is absurd and we’d been there for a long, long time. I wanted to have sex. I wanted to have a man in my bed – especially since I went to all the trouble of moving it and setting it up and all! This was only one part of the “do stuff for me” resolve that I was working on, but it was a big one.

So where does a 42-year-old, recently separated mother whose body walks the line between “curvy” and “morbidly obese” start? I mean, where do you go? Is that safe? Will they like me? Will I like them? Where do we go if we want to hook up? Do I bring them to my place? Will they rob me? Will they stalk me? Will they leave the seat up? What about going to their place? Is that safe? Will they lock me in their dungeon of pain? Will it be clean? Are there hidden video cameras? Do I bring my own condoms? Is that slutty or just plain responsible? Will I be turned on? Will it suck? Will it HAPPEN??? God, it needs to HAPPEN!

Time to make some milkshakes and bring all the boys to the yard…


Quickies with the Risqué Divorcée!

  • Facebook "It looks like you're at Burger King. Check in to share with your friends." Me: shut the fuck up, Facebook! 2 years ago
  • RT @amyisprettycool: Ok, who wrote the Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer #SNL sketch because they just made America great again 3 years ago
  • RT @LuvPug: My husband thinks it's so cute when I speak to him with terms of endearment like 'honey' or 'cockblocker' 3 years ago
  • RT @SondraDeeMe: I've always had a soft spot in my heart for female T-Rex because the tampon insertion must've been really difficult. 3 years ago
  • RT @joss: To everyone who keeps saying "Go back to making jokes/films/etc", WHAT DO YOU THINK WE WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING 3 years ago