Posts Tagged ‘finances


Not the kind of dick I prefer…

I just sent a demand letter to my ex-spouse.

I’ve never run a marathon, but I think what I am feeling right now might be similar to what someone might feel having just qualified to run Boston – empowered, powerful, free, successful…terrified as hell, sick to your stomach, scared to death by the challenges and hard work that lie ahead.

Yeah, I have butterflies…and not the good kind. I’m walking around the house alternately doing a little dance or fist pump and bending over to hyperventilate. Because I know that I am unleashing the Kraken. I know the other shoe is going to drop. I know he is going to lose his shit. And yet, in my MIND – which much smarter than my stomach, heart and adrenal gland – I KNOW that I have the upper hand. I KNOW that I have a superior bargaining position. I KNOW that I am well within my RIGHTS to protect myself and my finances and NOT allow him to screw me again. Literally or metaphorically. (Especially not with that tiny wiener and wham-bam style!)

During the last four years since we separated, I wanted the term “amicable divorce” to be a real and true fact. I tried my best to honor our marriage and family by not talking shit about my ex and not allowing others to do so either. I defended him, I forgave him and I took a very minimal divorce settlement in order to maintain peace, harmony and family. I made sure to project that image and maintain that cordiality and friendship even during challenging times.

Then he stopped making payments and told me to “have a nice life.”

Then he got served with foreclosure paperwork for the house we still own together.

Then he asked for my help in going together to settle with the bank.

…on a house that I don’t live in.

…for a house I haven’t lived in in 4 years.

….for a man who makes about 6 times as much as I do.

 Oh yes, and could you stop being so childish and asking for silly things like the file and paperwork pertaining to the case? You don’t need that. Why do you need your own attorney? I’m offering to pay for an attorney. Why won’t you answer my 5 phone calls in a row and 8 texts sent before 9:30 am on Saturday? Are you going to continue to be difficult because you are upset?

This is not the kind of dick I prefer!

I worked hard, served my time, put up with a lot, sacrificed and then sacrificed again for the good of my family.

Now I’m going stone cold bitch for the good of myself.

I told him I would be happy to work on the bank settlement with him as soon as he paid me the balance he owes me in cash because his credit is no good with me. Otherwise, I will gleefully drag this out another year then declare bankruptcy and leave him responsible for the full debt, any tax liability that might result from a deficiency being forgiven and substantial attorney fees. I’m told that the bank will not be willing or able to settle the case if I say I want to go to trial.

After nearly three decades of being charmed, bullied or manipulated into doing what this man wanted me to do, it feels really good to put my foot down.

After all, isn’t that how you win a marathon?


takin’ care of bidness!

Argh! Another boring post! No sex! Blargh! But snark! There’s snark! This morning I woke up and while still in that muzzy, dreamy place, wondered why I was awake so early on a Sunday. Wait, is it Saturday? “Bitch! It’s THURSDAY – GET UP!” Ugh. The good news is that I didn’t miss my weekend after all! The bad news is that my phone rang almost immediately afterwards. Not quite 9am. Unknown number but from a neighboring area code. That it’s the same area code that S32 is from did enter my mind briefly, but mostly I was thinking about the fact that I have had a couple of people use me for references lately and it was probably someone calling about that. Normally I don’t answer unknown calls. I must not have been fully awake. I was in a weak, pre-coffee state of momentary insanity…

I’m calling for XXX can you confirm that is who I am speaking with?

Yes, that’s me.

Good morning, Mrs. XXX, I’m calling from XYZ collections about your account with ABC that has been placed with us. I see you have a balance of $241. How will you be taking care of that today?

I’m sorry, I won’t be taking care of that today.

I understand if you are unable to pay the entire amount, I could possibly break it up into a few smaller payments, but I’m afraid that not paying it is not an option.

*scoffs* Of course not paying is an option.

Mrs. XXX, this account is from over a year ago. Don’t you feel that these people deserve to be paid for their services?

Certainly. However, it is not my intention to do so today.

Mrs. XXX, may I ask why not? Is there a reason that you are unable to pay at this time?

Yes, there is. But since anything that I tell you will be used for collection purposes and I do not wish to provide you with further personal information, I am going to terminate this call at this time and wish you a good morning.

Well, I will note your account, but I have to warn you, we have no other choice than to proceed.

Very well. Have a good rest of your day.


By all means, please do “proceed” – are you really going to sue me for some piddly $241 medical bill that I overlooked paying in the upheaval of my life during the past year? Bite me.  I mean, I have been doing okay and paying my stuff in a pretty timely fashion, but an old medical bill is just not a priority under my current financially conservative guidelines. And she annoyed me. “That’s not an option.” Bitch, please. This is not my first trip to the cotillion.

Shortly thereafter, my phone rang again with another unknown call. This time I didn’t answer and the message informed me that it was my cell company calling to let me know that my bill is past-due. Okay, this I knew about and had been avoiding dealing with because it required a call to fix a mistake that they made on my account when I got my new phone. (The sales rep apparently opened a new plan on my account instead of keeping me on my existing plan. Hello additional $79.98 + tax and fees each month!) Called Sprint (I will name them because they are awesome every single time I have to deal with them!) Got money credited, put a block on one of the kids’ phones because they had recurring monthly “premium service fee” for a custom ring tone. Buh-bye, $9.99 a month! Then I paid my bill and even a little extra towards the next one. Woot! Woot!

If I were a good kid (which we all know I’m not,) I would have followed all this productivity with a call to the cable company. But I was feeling accomplished. Why destroy that with a soul-crushing interaction with Comcast?

Next, I will do some billing and invoicing for work and then if I get enough done to satisfy my industrious self, I will come back and share the next online dating adventure.

Hoping that you love both my halo and my horns! 😉 –RD


Quickies with the Risqué Divorcée!