Posts Tagged ‘gaming

18
Jun
13

Getting dumped by someone I wasn’t even attracted to in the first place

Okay, kiddies – I’m going to try to get you up to date on recent events and may as well start with this one.

We’ll call him the little pirate bear & identify him as M41. Little Pirate Bear messaged me on OKC in a pretty bold and flirtatious fashion near the end of April. For those keeping score, I was still messing around with my young, hot booty call boys at that time and wasn’t that excited about this guy. He indicated that he’d just come out of a long-term relationship and didn’t know what he was looking for but needed to start looking. Okay, there’s a warning bell sounding in there because I can be kind of a handful, but he said that he loved kickin’ curves and loving a woman’s body, so he brought enough flirtatious zest to the table to get my attention. Subsequent conversations seemed to indicate that we had quite a lot in common as far as our personal relationship history was concerned and I felt like he was at the exact place that I was about 10 months ago – dipping my toe into dating for the first time in 20+ years, uncertain about what was available or what I wanted, lacking confidence, terrified but also excited to be taking those first steps in a new direction.

For as bawdy, ribald & raunchy as I can most certainly be, I’m also a real human being with the ability to be kind, empathetic, a good listener, a good friend, encouraging and nurturing. I felt like I could be supportive and encouraging to this guy and help set him on his feet for the dating scene – even if we didn’t hit it off romantically. It is notable to mention that our match score was around 90% – so he was similar to me politically, socially, sexually, ethically & concerning lifestyle. He was also poly-friendly. I was cautiously optimistic in meeting him. I figured that he wasn’t ready for me, but that I could probably be an encouraging friend and maybe more. I agreed to meet him for a drink.

He arrived early, I arrived late (due to traffic – a fact I communicated to him en-route) and when I spied him in the bar my internal response was a decisive “ugh”. I wasn’t attracted. He was a bit overdressed for a casual meeting – wearing a sports coat & slacks. He was short, stout & very grim looking overall. Still, I attributed a lot of that to nerves and newness. I soon came to realize that I was the first date that he’d had since his marriage. Which meant that I was the first woman besides his wife that he’d gone out with in something like 22 years. I cut the guy some slack and pointedly ignored his profuse sweating and frowning intensity. I bought him a beer.

Whether it was the alcohol or me, our talk flowed and we really seemed at ease with one another conversationally. He was smart, funny, self-deprecating, forthright, complimentary and comfortable. We talked for a long time on many subjects – including exes, marriage, kids, dating, poly, group sex, open relationships and such “dangerous” topics for a first date. It did feel more like a first date than a first meet-up too. There was a bit more expectation and pressure that was present than just a standard quick drink. We parted ways about three hours after we met – with a chaste hug and plans to see the new Star Trek film when it came out in two weeks.

I half expected that we would part with a kiss or that during our walk to my car he would take my hand. I wasn’t sure if he didn’t because he was nervous or because we didn’t click, but I did get a pretty strong “friend zone” vibe from the little bear. However, if you have read my recent thoughts about ego and evolution, you will understand when I say that I tried to set aside the fact that I wasn’t super attracted to this guy but I did actually like him a lot as a person. I was sincerely trying to look at the big picture with people – and to date people that shared common interests and experiences – whether they were super sexy or not!

Our second date went similarly to the first. He was less nervous, I let him see my true inner nerd at the Star Trek flick and one time he touched my ankle in a flirtatious way. Other than that, nothing pertaining to touch or flirting happened. We did extend our time together by hitting a bar for happy hour after the movie, but I was still getting the comfy friend vibe and that was okay since I didn’t feel any particular chemistry on my end. I was considering him as an interesting and fun person though.

Our texts and occasional phone calls between meetings were another story. His messages, attentiveness & flirtation outside of our 1:1 interactions were much more forward, flirty & occasionally naughty. Sometimes we would even talk about sexual preferences and he would occasionally make a quip about how I would taste or something like that. Finally, I shot the elephant in the room by telling him that I was intrigued by the fact that his messages were a lot more flirtatious than he was in person. I essentially asked him if he was more comfortable dealing in text or if he was just messing around or what.

His response was basically that he felt like we were sort of “drinking buddies” and that he didn’t really “feel anything beyond that” with me but…well, I am a beautiful, sexy woman and interesting, we have fun together & a lot in common…we’ll see. I told him that I was glad he said that because I felt similarly. I found him very comfortable, fun and great to talk to, but that I wasn’t sure whether we were going to be romantic with each other. I also said that I didn’t think he was quite ready for me & that I was a lot to handle straight out of the gate. He seemed to take that as a personal challenge.

We made plans to get together on the Saturday of Memorial weekend. I had plans to play games with friends on Sunday and was meeting a new guy that I was very interested in on Monday. I told little bear that I would cook and he offered to help or bring wine, etc. We talked about mixers, drinks, etc and finally came a text from him that said “should I pack a bag?” He followed immediately by saying that this would determine what and how much he would drink. I said “yes, absolutely! You are welcome to be comfortable, stay & be at ease. My guest bed is made up and since we are grown-ass adults, we can see how it goes and decide where you should sleep.”

I was quite pleased with that message and had generally decided that I liked him enough that if we got comfortable and chemistry kicked in, I would sleep with him. I mean, it had been several weeks for me, quite awhile for him and the flirting & dirty talk had kicked in with some humor – I knew that we would both enjoy it. However, I had the notion that it would probably be a bit awkward for him and probably consist of a few fumbling attempts followed by maybe two minutes of thrusting and that’s it.

I also have to admit that I had adopted a somewhat cavalier attitude of “benevolence” where the little bear was concerned. Like I was doing him a favor by throwing him a little action. Not so much a pity fuck, but maybe close to that. More like proving to myself that my ego didn’t need to have a 29-year-old Brad Pitt and this guy needed to get laid, so why not?

He showed up with flowers & I opened the door wearing a dress that essentially said “this is yours if you want it.”

He did.

We had drinks, ate dinner, flirted more, he did the dishes, we were comfortable with each other, watched some TV, snuggled, held hands, kissed a bit…and eventually went to bed.

OMIGOD. He was amazing in the sack. I mean, crazy amazing. He ate pussy and ass like it was Gordon Ramsay’s signature Beef Wellington and he hadn’t had a decent meal in years. His hands and mouth knew exactly how to bring me to more orgasms than I could count. His penis was fairly small and his testicles were bigger than anything I’d seen outside of a 4-H fair, but that was secondary to some amazing, amazing oral and digital action that he simply liquefied me with. We managed to have intercourse despite the fact that his dick had a case of nerves. He could get it up & keep it up, but he couldn’t cum. Therefore, I let him lead and set the pace. That pace was to clean wear me out. Okay, maybe not so clean. There was plenty of dirty.

We talked a lot – his ex had basically started to consider sex to be a bad thing once they had kids. He had been made to feel ashamed of his sexuality and treated like a deviant and a predator. I like to think that I helped him get past that a little bit. We talked about poly and about what that meant to us. He said that he was just happy to be with me. He made us breakfast. It was very comfortable and companionable. I had plans to go play games with my friends that (now Sunday) evening and was putting together a dish to pass when I suddenly asked him if he would like to join me. I’d invited very few of my lovers to come hang out with my friends, but in the moment I was really, sincerely feeling it. I had been surprised by this man and also more than a little charmed. Also, he was meeting another lady for lunch on Monday and I lived much closer to where they were meeting than he did. It made sense to have him stay another night. He agreed and came to my friends’ house with me.

We had a perfectly great time playing cards and games and talking with my friends. He was charming, funny and personable and fit in quite well. Later that night we had a lot more excellent sex and it was really intimate and intense. I started to think that I could really enjoy keeping this one around. In my mind, I was thinking that I could have two regular lovers who were dirty, nerdy & fun. I was imagining living a “normal” polyamorous lifestyle with two men that I could see socially and also have great sex with. Of course, I wasn’t meeting the other guy until that Monday either, but I knew based on our extensive conversations that we were going to totally hit it off. I wondered if my blog would suffer due to the boring old two-man show that I imagined.

The following week was peppered with lots of texts and a few phone calls. We made plans to see Man of Steel when it came out and arranged to get together the following weekend as well. I really liked the little Pirate Bear and we had an affinity that made him really easy to talk to. I knew that he was trying to get together with a third gal sometime and that he’d talked to her a few times. I was delighted that we could be open and comfortable talking about that too.

The next weekend he came over again. I told him about meeting the other guy and that it had gone very well. (In another blog entry I will tell you just how well it went!) He told me he didn’t think that things were going to progress with his first lady but that he had plans to see the other gal on Thursday. We were very physical and I found myself really drawn to him – stopping to touch him or kiss him while he was cooking dinner, etc. During dinner, however, he asked what happens if he develops feelings for someone. I said “that’s great” and said that the whole idea of poly was that you could love and care about multiple people. He then said that he was very interested in the other gal but that she was not poly-friendly. He said that he had been up-front with her about our “preexisting plans”  and told her about our date, but he was concerned about what would happen if they hit it off. He threw in a “not that I don’t have feelings for you, but…”

I had a sudden, sinking feeling that he was setting up a scenario where he would ride off into the sunset with this new gal and throw me over. I was a little stunned because here we were enjoying good sex, good food, fun conversation and companionship and he was basically worried about what would happen if he fell for the new gal. I suggested that he could just simply tell her that he wasn’t ready to settle down into a serious relationship and that he was just dating right now. He seemed somewhat unsatisfied with that notion. We had a great day and night together and he finally achieved orgasm with me – twice, in fact. When he left he wished me well on my upcoming trip & we talked about having another movie date when I got back.

Again, we exchanged texts during the week, but not with the same degree of frequency. Okay, I understood that he was managing three different women at that point and that he was somewhat new to dealing with that. I was also enjoying the company and attention of the other new guy in my life and fine with that. On Friday, I was planning to see the new guy again and getting ready to head out of town on Saturday. Little Bear sent me a chatty text Friday afternoon before I headed to work. At some point I asked him how his date went on Thursday. Several minutes passed before he responded. His response took five texts.

He explained that it went so well on Thursday that he needed to cancel our date to see Man of Steel. He appreciated the time we spent together but he told me from the start that he thought we were just drinking buddies and he didn’t feel the same spark for me that he did with this new woman. He had wanted to do this in person after my trip, but he couldn’t begin a new relationship with this woman with this “unknown element” still out there. He apologized, saying that he thought that I was expressing some feelings towards him that he could not return. Then he said “you can hate me & drink & complain about me, but I can’t screw this up. Sorry again.”

Ugh. I just got dumped by a guy I didn’t even want to have a second date with. Seriously?

Regardless, I was a very, very good sport.

I responded by saying that I had warned him that he wasn’t ready for me and kindly said that I wasn’t expecting him at all. I called him “a pleasant surprise” and said how much I enjoyed our time together. I said that I thought his mind had no problem with poly but that his heart might have objections. I told him that he was good, honorable, kind & passionate and that he should remember that and value it. I told him to lighten up – we’d had fun and there was no regret and certainly no hate!

Pretty awesome of me, right? Guess what his response was? NOTHING! Seriously? You met a gal yesterday and today you’re going steady & can’t even talk to me over text? Jeez! A total dump and run!

Three hours later, my phone rang at a point in my workday when I couldn’t answer it. It was the Little Pirate Bear & the voicemail that he left made it sound like he had either pocket dialed me or just hung up without intending to leave a message. I tried calling him back a few minutes later and he didn’t answer. I sent a text asking if he’d meant to call. He eventually sent a text saying it was a total pocket dial and telling me to have fun on my trip and “Thx 4 all your understanding.” Well damn, you’re welcome. I said sure and thanked him for saying that, acknowledging that I was a tad butthurt that he hadn’t responded at all. I said “Best to you” and let it go.

I was a bit annoyed at the abrupt end to our whirlwind romance, but I guess I had seen the writing on the wall. I am happy to report that two days later he sent me a very nice text wishing me a happy birthday and inquiring about how I was doing in Vegas. I kept my response very brief and didn’t engage after he responded. No need to make it more awkward.

Funny enough, I had a new message on OkCupid this past Thursday and noticed that little bear’s photo was no longer next to his messages in my inbox. Lo & behold – after knowing his gal for exactly one week, he had pulled his dating profile. Wow. I predict that this “poly-friendly” guy will be married again within the year.

I told you he wasn’t ready for me!

–RD

17
Mar
13

credit where credit is due

I realize my last several posts have been a bit negative. The evolution of this blog has taught me that this is a great outlet when I’m feeling disciplined to write and share, and also when I’m feeling frustrated, lonely, snarky or am simply enjoying some solo time. However, when things are nice, fun, interesting, delicious, hot and I’m spending a lot of time in bed? Well, the best I can do is a quick tweet. (#risquedivorcee) When I’m getting goodly fucked, I’m not blogging. Subsequently, you guys are missing the good stuff and getting only the complaints. I think you should dump me. I’m a selfish whore.

No, baby, baby – I promise I’ll change! I’ll be good! You’ll like it from now on, I promise! I’ll do all those things you like!

Credit where credit is due – with R30 on Monday night…well, Tuesday morning. This was the guy that picked me up and pushed it pretty hard at the casino around 12:30am. I was seriously grubby and he was enraptured and kept calling me beautiful. His pitch was so strangely desperate – like he was overwhelmed by me and couldn’t possibly let me go without convincing me to date him, fuck him or let him give me a massage – that I actually wondered at its legitimacy. I was sort of waiting for his friends to show up and laugh or something sinister like that. But we exchanged numbers as well as kisses, despite his rather odd “used car salesman” pitches and his slightly effeminate manner. If I had to label, I would say that this guy was a pure cougar fan. Turns out, as indicated above, he’s 30.

Eventually, his buddies texted that they were leaving and he left me. A few minutes later, he came back, saying that they weren’t leaving yet and that he just wanted to spend a few more moments with me. We’d more or less made a date for the following night and it was quite late – like around 2am. He left again and I got up, stretched and moved to another machine at the casino. I was about ready to leave, but was on a winning streak and just enjoying playing a bit on their money. Then I got a text from him.

His friends and some girls are going to smoke out and drink at some lake that’s not too far from where I live. Would I like to come and hang out with him? Well, first, going to strange, secluded places with a bunch of men in the middle of the night is just an invitation for gang rape. Plus it’s late, it’s pissing rain and it’s cold. Why would I go to a lake – even if I was looking cute and more awake? I politely decline, saying that I am looking forward to seeing him tomorrow. He persists – can I just meet him at Shari’s for pancakes? He wants to spend more time with me. Well, that’s sweet and far less dangerous, but I’m not hungry and it’s nearing 3am now. Plus, how would that work? The logistics are confusing as he and his pals all rode together. Turns out he’s at home and has his own car now. Can we meet someplace and just talk?

Fuck it. He’s turned me on, he’s promised me a massage and it’s been almost two weeks since I had sex. I tell him to meet me at my place and I start driving. He’s driving right behind me, so I only have about 10 minutes to set the scene, have a little whore bath, put my hair in a ponytail, brush my teeth & put on sexy underwear and a robe. He’s at my door in no time. It’s almost 4am. I let him in and we kiss.

It took me awhile to realize that this guy is actually probably a bit of a sub. That could be what was up with the vibe I was picking up from him. But I’ve decided that since he offered the massage and since he has good hands, that I will enjoy the slow, languid, sexy massage that I hope to get. And he wants to do it – he wants to serve me and be my slave. We start making out and I lead him to the bedroom that is bathed in dim light and has a towel and massage oil close at hand – along with condoms, naturally.

R30 is very sweet and almost gentlemanly in the moves that he makes. He asks my permission to untie my robe. I let him. He practically faints at the sight of my body in the hot undies. He gasps, he pants, he tells me that I have a beautiful body. He asks if he can touch me. He asks if it’s okay, if it feels good. I say yes because it does. We kiss more, I let him rub me, he asks if he can touch my breasts. Oh god, you had better! But don’t hurt my pretty bra! He’s rubbing, kissing, sucking, licking, blowing (he’s got some lick then blow cold air on thing that he does – doesn’t really do it for me, but I get what you’re trying to do I guess.) He tells me to lie down. I’m just in my boy-short panties. He gasps at my ass and asks if he can touch it. He gets out the oil and rubs me in a very sensual massage. Before turning attention to my ass and other areas, he decides that my feet are cute and that he needs to rub my toes. He asks if that’s okay. Yes. Oh, wow – he’s going to suck them too. That’s only the second time that’s ever happened in my life. My brain thinks that the whole toe-sucking practice is gross but my twat thinks it’s really fucking hot and responds with a rushing river of wet.

Speaking of my pink parts, he finally got there – again, after asking permission – and when I was on display for him, breathlessly offered: “my God, that’s so beautiful.” You have to love such adoration and appreciation! All this was such a delight, but what he did with his tongue, hands & fingers was nothing short of amazing. I’ve had a few men who loved to eat pussy and get all up in there, but this guy took the cake. I think I still have bruises on my pelvis from his face crushing into my lady business. Eventually, after I had come a fair few times, we eventually relieved him of his pants and I found that he was endowed like a soup can. Oh yeah, I can work with that. Seriously, the girth was about that of a can of Campbell’s chunky style and the length possibly a bit more. Oh lucky, lucky me.

As part of the sales pitch that my new friend had offered earlier – he asked me “how long I could go” mentioning that he was a marathoner and could go back-to-back multiple times. Given that we started at 4am and he still had to go pick up his friends after their party, I didn’t expect a full demonstration, particularly because he mentioned that he probably only had an hour or so. He had also warned that it had been awhile for him so the first time would probably be quick but the second would be better. I fully expected him to “get a text” after the first quickie and run, but after all the fine, fine attention I had already received I wasn’t about to complain.

As it turned out, the first time was fantastic. The only problem was that he was slamming into me so violently that he would occasionally pop out because of his somewhat short length. I think we tried every possible position. After he came he was right back at me – keeping me warmed up for the next round that happened pretty quickly – especially after I gave him what he later referred to as “the best blowjob I’ve ever had in my life.” I also demonstrated my trick of applying a condom with my mouth. He was shocked, amazed, stunned and curious. I just explained that it’s a great way to keep a guy from losing wood while putting the condom on. So impressed was he that he asked me to do it again when we went in for round three. By that time both of us were flagging as it was after 6:30am and we had just had a mini-marathon of sex for almost three hours straight without stopping.

I’ve had a few texts from him since – one with a dick pic – and there was some talk about getting together today. I haven’t heard from him yet, but maybe I ought to take a nap just in case! 😉




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