Posts Tagged ‘LGBT

15
Jul
14

But would you really date Peter Dinklage?

sexy peter Okay, just shut the fuck up. Of course you would really date Peter Dinklage. He’s insanely popular, rich, famous, sexy, funny and presumably quite wealthy. Of course we’re just casting aside his lovely wife and daughter, but I’m actually using him as an archetype rather than as a real person. I freely admit to getting a little ego boost from having a sexy young thing want me, but usually it’s not as comfortable as someone a bit more quirky – interesting – seasoned – weird. I had a mad crush on chubby Ricky Gervais. Fit Ricky Gervais is still a panty-dropper, but mostly because of his wit, sense of irony, causes, close association with Muppets, self-deprecating humor, charm and completely unattractive bathtub selfies!

RickyBath_02_1652145a

 

Don’t get me started on Seth Rogen (epitomizing the chubby, hot, sexy nerd,) or Eddie Izzard (deliciously sexy in any language whether wearing a dress and lipstick or a full beard!) Of course Bill Murray is in his very own class of weirdly sexy and has been rocking that shit for nearly five decades! I like people. I find individuals of all kinds to be interesting but I tend to be most attracted to people who are weird and who aren’t afraid to be different. This is true of women as well. I find Margaret Cho, Kathy Najimy & Queen Latifah to be delicious. While I love men and consider myself to be at least 73% straight, I don’t think I would kick any of those ladies out of my bed! All this imaginary star banging brings me back to my point about attraction.

When I was dating regularly I wasn’t focused on a body type and at first I wasn’t even focused on a personality type. But…attraction needs to be there. I talked to a number of men that I just wasn’t attracted to. In fact, I met some of them and probably even slept with a few as well. (I think I had a bit of a learning curve to master and a lot of rejection to overcome! Overall, it was a satisfying slut phase!)

Yesterday while I was driving, someone walking on the other side of the street caught my eye. I’m not sure why exactly, but I think it was because I thought it was a kid and it was an unusual place to see a kid walking alone. I soon realized it was a man about my age – maybe a bit younger. Late 30s, early 40s. Very attractive, well dressed and with a pleasant outward appearance – the kind of person who would normally catch my attention because of his looks and the way he carried himself – but who had caught my attention because he looked like he had been shrunk to 2/3 size. I would guess he was about 4′ 8″ tall and looked like someone who has the type of dwarfism that makes your body proportionate. If he was a dwarf at all that is. He was a bit tall for a dwarf, but my point still remains.

Would I date someone 10-12 inches shorter than I? What about someone who is Trans*?

When I last had an OK Cupid profile, I had someone rate me highly and add me to their favorites who was clearly someone who was transitioning from female to male. This challenged me. I consider myself to be a huge LGBTQ ally & outspoken advocate. But…I didn’t find this person attractive. To be fair, I didn’t meet this person or engage in any communication other than peeping each others’ dating profiles but if I’m attracted to people and can even include women in that attraction, why not a Trans* person? It might surprise you to know that it has little to do with penises. I like penises but the smallest one I ever had was connected to a really fun guy who made up for his shortcomings with fingers, mouth and enthusiasm. Trans* men get to pick their own size anyway, right?

I think that my lack of interest came from the fact that this person was clearly still transitioning and at the time, I felt like I was too. Not in terms of gender, but in terms of self-discovery. I was in a bit of a selfish phase and not willing to take on major challenges with a romantic interest. But I like checking my bias too. I’d never had a Trans* friend until a few years ago when suddenly I had two friends reveal that they were transitioning. One of them, a local friend, shared a lot of his community and friends with me and I learned a lot. I also went to several Trans* events, had my first FtM crush and met several very sexy men who used to be women.

So yeah, if I were dating again, I think I might consider the Trans* man, the short guy, the guy with a lisp & certainly a fat guy. Are they funny? Willing to be an idiot? Are they into me?

Seriously though – attraction plays a huge part. I have had men get livid with me for “misrepresenting myself” when I said “no thank you.” Just because I say I’m open to dating you doesn’t make me obligated to sleep with you or date you after we have talked or met. Similarly, if you are someone of a different race, culture, ability, height, etc – you may very well still be an asshole. This was a bit of a struggle for me for awhile. I want to support this gay friend but oh, hey – they’re a dick. I’m not a bigot because I don’t want to take their bullshit. In fact, I’m less of a bigot for treating them the same way I would anyone else.

This is a weird blog entry. So I guess that suits.

 

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08
Apr
13

An Open Letter to the Church from My Generation

I am an impassioned supporter of LGBTQ equality and a former Christian. The recent furor surrounding DOMA & Prop 8 being heard in the Supreme Court brought about many heated discussions in person and online. I heard so many so-called “Christians” condemning homosexuals and their supporters while clinging to their “faith” and scripture to support their oppression, bigotry and righteous superiority.

One of the most joyful days I’ve ever spent was at the Seattle (Gay) Pride parade last June. There were thousands of people there with joy in their hearts, smiles on their faces and love surrounding them. There were hundreds of churches represented there too – churches that welcomed all – like Jesus did. My face hurt from smiling by the end of the day.

I recently engaged in a debate with a Southern Baptist woman who felt so sorry for all of us who “haven’t let Jesus into our hearts” – a phrase that I took to be subtext for “don’t believe the same way I do.” She offered her sincere sympathy and her prayers. I was unable to effectively express how sorry that I felt for her that she didn’t have the love in her heart to embrace others fully and to know that unconditional love.

The blog below was written by young woman who is the same age as my children. She is able to convey what I wanted to say so much better than I. Perhaps it is her Christian perspective that allows her to speak so eloquently to other Christians. This is the first time that I have ever “reblogged” someone else’s words. They are important.

An Open Letter to the Church from My Generation.

05
Apr
13

set the way, way, way back machine…

Hiya kids – your naughty Auntie was working on a second post last night, but got an unexpected call from R30 who was feeling like he was ready to come off from injured reserve. He may be feeling differently this morning though! Lord knows I may never walk again and I just slept for almost 9 hours straight. I also cut my “no intercourse for a week” restriction short by about 12 hours, but I was finally feeling up to it and it had been 10 days since I’d had any and almost a month since I’d had R30 & his fantastic combination of tongue, adoration, stamina and cock. Four times almost killed me, but the man showed up with flowers and non-latex condoms, so you have to love that. Also, he still says thank you. 🙂 Now, back to my flashback Friday post…

I want to share something rather sweet that happened last week, but in order to give you the big picture I have to tell you something that will be a little bit bitchy. Furthermore, the person that I am writing about is a follower. Yep. That’s a new one for me too. I hope that if and when he reads this he will take it with the sense of humor with which it was intended.

So…let’s go waaaaayyyy back…to 1986. There was this bad boy…and I liked him a lot. But I was still kind of a good girl. It was the age-old tale of me trying to tame the bad-boy and not understanding why he didn’t love me enough to mold to my shitty, naive, young idea of what a perfect boyfriend would be. We kissed, we “went together”, we talked on the phone, we hung out but…that’s all. And he broke up with me right before junior prom. To his credit, he was very sweet about it and I had seen it coming for a long time. He was decent enough to suggest that we could still go to prom together since we had planned to, so we did, as friends. I don’t remember very much of the prom itself, but lots of photos show that we looked hot and I remember having fun and going to at least two after-parties that I was happy to be part of. I believe that wine coolers came into play at the second party and knowing us at the time, pot probably did too. He was a lovely escort and a gentleman, but  around five am he took me home and fucked me on the floor in my living room. He has the distinction of being the second person I ever had sex with and the first person to ever come on my stomach. But he was 16 and it can’t have been more than 5 strokes and it certainly wasn’t two minutes.

So it doesn’t count.

Because, based on this experience – which, until recently, I counted as my worst, sexually – I came up with a rule: “If it’s less than two minutes you don’t have to count it.” Over the years, this has been amended to “unless you get pregnant.” Seriously, this is something that I have shared with my niece and many girlfriends forever. “He was miserable in the sack.” “Oh? Well, you know the rule – if it lasts less than 2 minutes you don’t have to count it!” 🙂

Let’s be fair – the guy was 16 and I was smokin’ hot. At least he managed to get it in unlike B36, and managed to have the control to pull out – which was pretty responsible. Leastwise it was more responsible than I was at the time – I wasn’t using any form of birth control and was both clueless and very lucky! (Also, not nearly as slutty as I am now!) Also, I must add a side note of second-hand credit to the guy – a few years later one of my friends apparently had a brief affair with him when he was in his 20’s and counts it as the best sex she’s ever had. I know we have all improved since we were fumbling, clueless kids. God knows I didn’t have any idea how to suck a dick until years after my junior prom. Still, for me, it was the typical tale of the prom date who pulls out and leaves and pretty much never speaks to you again. Oh, there was awkward chatting at that one reunion 20 years later, but seriously, we didn’t talk again until Facebook.

Even with Facebook, we didn’t really catch up or have an actual conversation until last week when I messaged him about an ignorant anti-gay marriage post that someone had put on his wall. As it happened, he was online and a chat ensued. Credit to us being confident, comfortable grown-ass adults instead of insecure, clueless teens – it was really pleasant and fun. We discussed social issues and our shared feelings about equality and LGBT rights, we talked about kids – he said I was too cute to have adult children. Nice. We talked about marriage – challenges, successes and my somewhat recent single status. I shared how terrified I had been to split from my ex – who I love dearly & who will always be a part of my life and family – but how much better we are apart. I shared how scared I was to start dating again after 25 years as a BBW and how I was shocked to find that I was not only successful, that I was popular. To which he responded: “Of course you are popular. Good looking, intelligent, articulate the whole package.”

Holy shit. I’m a middle-aged woman who doesn’t need a man to validate me, but can I just say? My 42-year-old self and my 16-year-old self shared a little fist bump in that moment. Funny thing, the human psyche. I can barely remember dating this guy, but I clearly remember feeling “not good enough” when he dropped me and man, those insecurities hang on! I felt lighter after that – like I’d released some ages-old hurt that I had been hanging on to for 26 years. Is that weird? I dunno. Maybe it was just some sort of closure that we’d never had. Huh. It was certainly nice engaging in a funny conversation and remember this person that I once knew and liked. So much so, that I shared this blog with him and received a nice message about how much he enjoys it.

So here ya go, hun. You’ve been featured. I hope I’m not over-estimating your good humor. <—- That’s the friendly, real me line. The naughty Risqué Divorcée line goes like this: “so, do you cheat on your wife as much as you did on me back in the day?” 😉

28
Mar
13

dilemma

Briefly – before I head out for my “weekend pre-funk” – or as some call it, Thursday night…

I wanted to share a bit of a dilemma that I’ve been having in keeping up with the blog & my life. I have to go out and do stuff in order to have stuff to write about. (Even though I currently have a backlog of topics, I admit.) Still, I have to communicate with the fellows too and that does get distracting and time-consuming at times. Especially when the payoff is a blowoff. How did Fonzie keep all of his women engaged? I need to have a text rotation.

The other big distraction right now is Twitter. I started doing it about two weeks ago as a means of promoting the blog and cross-posting to a new audience. Then I fell in love. Seriously, that place is like my favorite bar filled with my loudest, raunchiest friends – the ones who don’t gasp and shout “over the line!” when I say something outrageous or offensive. The ones that give me a star! Also, I can manage Twitter (she lied) on my phone in small drabs throughout the day.

The dilemma, then, is that I forget what I’ve said, what I’ve written, what I’ve promised to tell about. I can’t remember if that was something I told a friend on the phone, tweeted, blogged or thought about blogging. Dudes, I’m kinda old and often drunk. Plus I’ve had most of my brains fucked out…

Here’s the thing: I need to get disciplined and organized! I have outlines and topic headings that I am trying to work through, but life keeps happening every day and I need to keep track of that too. Basically, I need to catch up on some old “homework” and then keep you up to date on current stuff. So…less Facebook and more blogging!

Admittedly, I have been very engrossed in the Supreme Court hearings this week and have read and commented on most of the arguments. Equality is something that I support fully and am pretty loud and active about.

Here’s to being loud and active, ya’ll!

25
Mar
13

miss me?

I know I’m remiss in blogging. I warned you that you would be cast aside on the weekends like children required to have a visit with their non-custodial parent. “GO SEE DADDY! Mommy needs to have some GROWNUP TIME!”

My weekend was jam-packed from the time I got out of work until about 12:30 this morning. In fact, it was busy beginning on Thursday! Thursday I was supposed to meet a new guy (R41) for coffee. I was rushing around trying to pull myself together for a good first impression and received a message from him saying that he had just awakened and could we move coffee. I immediately responded and asked “move it to later or another day?” Now, this message was sent 13 minutes before we were supposed to meet and he took another 20 minutes to respond to my question, so I was rather pissed. However, since, he’s a fireman and eventually apologized profusely, I agreed to meet him again after giving him a little bit of shit. I suggested that perhaps he might consider leading with the apology and responding promptly next time, but warned there would be no next time because I only offer one mulligan. We exchanged numbers and agreed to same time & place on Friday. I was running late on Friday, but also had a little “red flag” going off that he was going to stand me up again. I don’t know why. I hadn’t heard from him with an “on my way – looking forward to seeing you” text or anything either. I was just feeling that I was wasting eyeliner as I was getting ready, you know? I sent a text as I was leaving that said I was running about 5 minutes late. By the time I parked, it was 6 minutes after the appointed meeting time and I had not heard from him at all, nor was he in the coffee shop. There was one similarly built fella getting coffee that I knew wasn’t him, but I wished was. I briefly considered going up to him and saying “Hi, are you R?” just to see what would happen. 🙂 After 11 minutes had passed from our appointed meeting time, I sent another text saying “you = not not here & not responding. Am I reading it wrong?” A couple of minutes later he responded with “Who’s this??” and I said “Really? Okay, leaving.”

I had already left the coffee shop and it was 20 minutes after our meeting was supposed to happen when I received this flurry of texts:

Oh shit….I’m sorry!

 

I didn’t save your #

 

I got hung up at work on an emergency

 

I could almost be understanding about the work emergency. Almost. If not for the fact that it happened the day before, he didn’t communicate well either time and oh yeah, who the hell doesn’t save the phone number/contact of someone that they are interested in? People who are too busy to date or lying about their single status. Either way? Just go ahead and lose my number again, okay?

Friday lunch with an ex lover & good friend was nice – and I was looking all cute after being stood up earlier, so that doesn’t hurt! I outed this blog to him with mixed feelings, but he seemed pretty engrossed in the front page at least. While at lunch, I got a text from the guy that I was going out with on Friday night. This was a planned sleepover with the “not-so-hot-in-the-sack” guy. He’s Indian and I was having Indian for lunch, so I told him that I also planned to have Indian later. I realize that I have not ever “identified” him in previous posts, but he’s K36 and when I told him we could be fuck buddies he said “rather friends with benefits because friends do things together.” That was rather nice and sweet. Then the sex was meh, but I was giving him another shot. Also, while in bed last time he said that he didn’t want to be my boyfriend, he just wanted me one or two nights a week. Uh, honey – that’s called a boyfriend! Especially if you text me the other 5 or 6 days a week! Lord, I may need to manage this one.

Friday night, I was already tired and offered K36 the option of going out as planned or staying in and ordering a pizza. We agreed not to set a “fuck buddy precedent” and drove into Chinatown for dinner. It was pleasant and he’s really good at heating me up with a slight touch, kiss or sweet comment. As I said a few entries ago, I gave this guy a 9 in foreplay and a 3 in fucking. This time, it was probably an 8 and a 4 – which means he’s still a six. Again, he gets me soaking, dripping, puddle on the bed wet but can’t manage to actually sock it to me. He’s tentative like he’s trying not to cum every time. We managed three times in about 20 hours – the third being a BJ wherein I realized that this guy comes about 1/4 teaspoon. It’s like nothing. Very weird.

I also felt sort of like telling K36 to get out. I mean, is it rude to say “hey, thanks for the mediocre sex – now could you leave so I can either fuck myself with a dildo or call another guy over to finish me off?” I guess it is, yeah. But I feel like this guy is sort of like a fluffer – he’s great at getting me ready to go, but he’s not good at the main feature. Again, he gets tons of credit for his improved finger and tongue work and a solid A for effort!

Saturday I went out with some friends to dinner and a gay variety show. It was a blast. Seriously! Such a friendly crowd too – lots of love going around! After, I went with a different friend to a hip gay bar that was far too hip for me. Seriously. It was the first time in my life that I actually waited in line to get into a cool club just for the club – not for a concert or something. Then, just like in the movies, the doorman held his hand up at me and said “I’m stopping the line here.” I kid you not. Suddenly I’m the old, fat, straight, uncool kid. Thank God for fucking awesome, beautiful, popular, gay friends who can turn around and say “she’s with me” and suddenly I’m in! Of course it’s still way too fucking cool for me, but it was fun anyway & we wound up hanging out with some friendly and funny people. They had some fish-bowls full of condoms and I was dying to grab some, but decided to play it cool instead. Man, I really need to restock my supply!

Sunday I performed in a show then took my kids and ex out for birthday dinner for my son. I was getting texts from both R30 and K36 but had to tell them to cool it because I was hanging out with my kids. R30 was all about how beautiful I am and how he wants to be inside me. Oh man, I needed that after K36 left the other day! Late in the evening, when I was alone, we engaged in traditional phone sex – the kind where to talk voice rather than just exchanging pics and text. Of course, he still sent pics (hello, soup can dick) and also asked for them (no!) We made tentative plans for this evening which is cool.

Lately my “fuck buddies” or my “active roster” as I like to call them, have been closer to one-night stands than part of a regular rotation. I am glad to have at least two that will come back for more every couple of weeks. I’m still holding out hope for a couple of others too and have heard from both R41 and P29 this week, incidentally.

That’s all I have for now. If my tentative date for this evening falls through I will try to get back here and tell you a story or two, but I would much rather be making some new stories for you tonight. I’m really looking forward to that!

 

 

07
Mar
13

shit I love

shit I love

I love men. Yep. I love ’em. But please allow me to introduce you to a woman that I just fucking adore. Mary Lambert is a Northwest Artist that you should know because nobody preaches and speaks about our bodies, relationships, love and pain like she does. She is probably best know for bringing that soulful hook to “Same Love” by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. She is a powerful voice. Period. The fact that her powerful voice has been a force in the movement for equality? Bonus for the world.

Enjoy! I gotta fold some goddamn laundry!




Categories

Quickies with the Risqué Divorcée!

  • Facebook "It looks like you're at Burger King. Check in to share with your friends." Me: shut the fuck up, Facebook! 1 year ago
  • RT @amyisprettycool: Ok, who wrote the Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer #SNL sketch because they just made America great again 1 year ago
  • RT @LuvPug: My husband thinks it's so cute when I speak to him with terms of endearment like 'honey' or 'cockblocker' 1 year ago
  • RT @SondraDeeMe: I've always had a soft spot in my heart for female T-Rex because the tampon insertion must've been really difficult. 1 year ago
  • RT @joss: To everyone who keeps saying "Go back to making jokes/films/etc", WHAT DO YOU THINK WE WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING 1 year ago
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