risquédivorcée

Gee, remember when I said that I needed to call Comcast? Argh! Please enjoy the irony resulting from me starting a blog and having my Internet shut off in the same week!

Yes, I guess that this was a calculated risk that I chose to take. About 3 weeks ago I got a bill for nearly $600. Apparently they had stopped auto-deducting for no reason and I was in arrears. Well, shit! I wasn’t super excited about paying the delinquent amount all in one fell swoop. I also would rather get a Brazilian than call Comcast customer service! Ugh! I needed to cancel the cable & keep the Internet but after a week or so they cut my cable off but the web access remained. I knew I needed to attend to the issue but wondered how long I could skate by.

Well, my answer came today I’m the form of a sexy yet somewhat hostile cable subcontractor named Greg. He disturbed my afternoon blog writing with a sharp “cop knock” applied to my front storm door. No doorbell for this fella. Heck no! After giving him a good scan through the peephole and being satisfied at finding him standing in the yard rather than on the porch, I opened the door. Greg informed me in a rich, baritone voice that he was here to collect the cable box and modem and do my disconnect. Poop. Did we have an appointment?

I asked him exactly that and inquired if it was possible to return the equipment and keep the Internet hooked up. He gave me this sort of blowoff “I’m just here to do the disconnect unless you want to pay the account in full” response. I said “okay, so how much would I need to give you in order to do that?” This seemed to completely knock him for a loop. He said “well, you’ll have to contact customer service. I have to do the disconnect regardless.” Thus began a little back and forth where I pointed out that he just contradicted himself and asked whether he was doing the disconnect regardless or if he could prevent it if I paid the full balance. I should say that I was using my most polite and reasonable tone throughout the exchange.

Tough collector/disconnector guy Greg finally said “look, ma’am, I’m not here to go back and forth and negotiate with you…” I said “no, absolutely. And I’m not attempting to negotiate, I am just trying to clarify your previous statement that you don’t need to disconnect if I pay the full balance.” Defeated, he said “yeah, I’m sorry. That was inaccurate. You need to contact customer service and get re-connected. But you really should do that anyway because you should close this account. You were really paying way too much a month.”

Oh I see, now we’re pals. I went inside and disconnected the equipment. I brought it out and got a receipt and we talked a bit. Suddenly he’s Mr. Chatty and even…um…is my radar off or is he being flirty? Jesus. He’s like 25! I’m in yoga pants! But I go with it and briefly consider making one if those corny porno scenes come true. Young cable guy with hard hat & tool belt and a voice that sounds like melted chocolate? Yum. I decide to push my luck as he tells me it’s his last day working in my area. I suggest that he could just leave the Internet on and nobody would be the wiser. I tell him that I don’t need the modem because I have my own and I see it…that moment of hesitation and consideration as he paused, partway up the ladder and thought about it. Then he turned and looked down at me with a big smile and said “yeah, sorry, I have to follow the work order. Unfortunately I don’t agree with everything they do.”

Aaawww…thanks sweetie. Sorry about your not getting laid on your last day and all. 😉 No! No! I’m a slut, after all. Exchanging goods or services for sex would make me a whore. Let’s not go there just yet!