Posts Tagged ‘privacy

09
Dec
14

People you may know…

The Huffington Post‘s “Gay Voices” section recently ran an article about how Facebook is using our personal information to try to “suggest” friends that we may still be trying to forget about – those folks we hooked up with a time or two awhile back…our one-night-stands!

I saw the piece linked on Facebook with the header “has this happened to you lately?” Oh my, yes. At first, it was really startling to see the face and real name of my first black guy – and recall my first walk of shame. He was the second guy I slept with after my separation and I would never have put up with his nonsense and games if I hadn’t been so desperate to get laid properly! As it was, I didn’t put up with him for long and he did get a little “stalkerish” even after I’d told him to lose my number. I like to think that I have a bit more taste and self-respect now and would never go home with this guy because he really personified the cliche of guys who “only want one thing” but the fact of the matter is, at the time, I hadn’t had good sex in years and had only had any sex twice in the previous 18 months – once with the guy who came before he got it in & showed no interest in my satisfaction (identified as B36 in this blog entry,) and once with my ex husband. I feel like I made a decision to choose sex over self-respect in that case and I don’t really regret it. However, it was a shock to see this guy in my “people you may know” feed on Facebook. The only contact I had with him was on Plenty of Fish and by cell phone. Which data did they collect? My cell phone contacts or people I communicated with on my POF phone app? Either way? A little scary & something to think about.

Incidentally, in writing this post today, I went back and actually searched for that guy on Facebook and he doesn’t even come up. Perhaps he saw me and hit block? Fine by me.

Just the other day I had a double shock when two men that I had dated some time ago showed up in the #1 and #2 positions on my “people you may know” on Facebook. One was the married guy that I saw regularly for four months. I realize that I covered the story of how we met  in a blog entry, but I never really wrote about the rest. The fact that he was perfect in many regards – a regular fuck buddy in the early days of my dating & being on my own – not a demand on my time, but a regular pleasure in my bed. At some point, things got a bit too involved – feelings developed on both sides and intensity happened. He played a “push pull” game where he would give and demand and absorb and then act like it was “just fucking” and remind me that he was married – despite the fact that I never demanded anything from him at all. He was the one who said I was like a man when it came to sex – precisely because of my lack of wanting anything other than the sex. Basically, he was the one who was insecure and wanted more, but he would turn it around like I was the one doing so. He would write me huge emails about his feelings or text obsessively then tell me that he wasn’t attracted to me & remind me that it was “just sex.”  He would say we could never kiss…then one day kiss me as passionately as anyone ever has. He had a problem with booze and didn’t seem to like himself very much. He liked to challenge and tease me and used to see how far he could push it before I got really annoyed. One day that involved biting during sex. Playful biting became rough biting. My “no” became a challenge and he bit me hard –  on the face. The second time he bit my face, I fought him and kicked him. We had a scary moment where I realized “this is how sexual assault happens” and then we both took a breath, he got dressed and left. He told me that if he left he was never coming back. I said that was fine. It’s been about two years and he hasn’t been back. Honestly, I think it was good to rip the band-aid off when we did. While the episode between us left me shaken, it also allowed for a clean break – and I think it was time.

Five months after the night he left, “married guy” sent me an email to see how I was doing. I told him that I was seeing someone that I really liked and we exchanged a few “glad you are doing well, take care” emails. Good. Basically, it let him know that there wasn’t room for him in my life right now but that I didn’t harbor any ill will. I’m just over it. My life has moved forward.

Ironically, this guy who so often did protest too much – used to act all secretive like I was going to stalk him or tell his wife or something – has his Facebook account wide open. I almost want to send him a friend request just to shake him up a little bit. But I won’t. I’ll just smile thinking about it here.

In his case, we did use email to communicate as well as phones. However, it was a different email address than the one I use for Facebook, so I think that once again, my phone may be responsible for sharing my personal information.

The fellow who showed up second in my “people you may” list is less surprising because we have friends in common. He’s the one that I called “Dancing Doctor Who” and who was downright obsessive about cooking. He also didn’t like to have his penis sucked, climaxed in German, was my first OKCupid Meetup, lived in a Harry Potter closet and turned out to have mutual friends with. I think we wound up seeing each other three or four times in total – twice involving playing board & card games. He was part of my plan to stop seeing hot pieces of ass, embrace the nerdy and actually date people rather than just screw around. However, I think he proved to be a bit too nerdy and weird for me. He was truly living the life of a larping, gaming, cooking, dancing, fellatio-hating, communal-living 20-year-old. I know that we will encounter one another at some Convention or another – and he’ll likely be the one in Cosplay.

In writing this, I found a fourth guy in my “people you may” list – a guy that I never met, but whose POF messages had advanced to phone texts. So…four men – three different methods of introduction and the common thread? My phone. I put my number on Facebook because I reasoned that anyone who was a FB friend is someone that I was comfortable having my number and being able to contact me that way. Now I realize that Facebook is using some algorithm involving my phone contacts (and possibly text history,) to target my social interactions. There’s a part of me that thinks this is fine – despite my “no Facebook rule” about men I date, they certainly would qualify as “people I know” and might want to reach again. There’s still another part of me that is creeped out and a bit concerned about the ability to access my personal information.

 

Advertisements
30
Aug
13

My Risqué Divorcée tattoo is happening!

I’m scheduled to get the Risqué Divorcée caricature of myself tattooed onto myself tomorrow afternoon. I’m a bit nervous. I LOVE IT but it’s also something that identifies my blog – which I’ve worked to keep separate & private from my real life. I’m lucky to be dating someone right now who is cool enough that I shared my blog with him. However, this isn’t for friends & family, really, so I will tell them (if they see it) that it’s a “chubby pinup of myself” and hope that they don’t stumble onto the blog. Whatever. It’s for ME!!

29
Apr
13

quandary

Huh. I was going to write something funny. I was. In fact, I still may. I have a cute, hot, interesting story to share. But I have a quandary that may turn into a rant and I feel like I want to get it out there. Here it is: what was I thinking when I decided to share this blog with actual people that I know? What was my motivation? Pride? Ego? Need for attention? Validation? Ugh.

I mean, yes – I’m proud of the writing I’ve been doing. Hell, I guess I’m pretty proud of the fucking I’ve been doing when you get right down to it. YES it is VALIDATING to be a fat, middle-aged woman who was essentially cast off by my spouse (who could barely manage to fuck me every six weeks or so,) who is now getting lots of action from a variety of lovers. This is rewarding, empowering and exciting. Yep! It’s also new, interesting, often humorous, and fun to write about.

But this blog, while written in part for you, is really for me. It’s a forum for me to share my thoughts, concerns, triumphs, hurts, fears, challenges, insecurities & successes. Part of the reason that I started doing it was that my dating life had started to dominate discussion with my friends and I wanted us to be able to talk about other things from time to time! My friends are awesome, encouraging and very supportive, but by sharing this blog with them I can say “oh, it’s going pretty well – yes, I saw him on Friday – if you want the details read the blog, but yeah, pretty nice.” They have the option of reading the details or not. Some do. Some don’t. Some read very regularly.

One potential lover told me “I really need my own entry in your blog.” That was very sweet. It made me feel good knowing that he was reading and that he cared, but that he didn’t give a shit that I was active with many other people. He still wants me.

I’ve been contemplating that a bit too – am I wanted because I’m fun, interesting, relaxed & sex-positive, or am I wanted because I put out? Both are valid, but the latter isn’t quite as flattering I guess.

Anyway, over the past few days I have had some interactions with several different people that have made me want to write about them in some detail. But I can’t. Because they or people that they know read this blog and would possibly recognize them. I have been very careful and conscious about privacy – my own as well as that of others. I wouldn’t want to ever “out” someone for engaging with me on a personal level – sexually or otherwise. However, I find myself feeling extremely frustrated by the fact that I am unable to write about personal issues that rock my world.

I’ll try to do the funny story later. 😦




Categories

Quickies with the Risqué Divorcée!

  • Facebook "It looks like you're at Burger King. Check in to share with your friends." Me: shut the fuck up, Facebook! 1 year ago
  • RT @amyisprettycool: Ok, who wrote the Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer #SNL sketch because they just made America great again 1 year ago
  • RT @LuvPug: My husband thinks it's so cute when I speak to him with terms of endearment like 'honey' or 'cockblocker' 1 year ago
  • RT @SondraDeeMe: I've always had a soft spot in my heart for female T-Rex because the tampon insertion must've been really difficult. 1 year ago
  • RT @joss: To everyone who keeps saying "Go back to making jokes/films/etc", WHAT DO YOU THINK WE WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING 1 year ago
Advertisements