Posts Tagged ‘skype

12
Apr
13

dick pics – I don’t get it!

Exhibitionists have been around since long before the cell phone and webcam. Even before trench-coats became the accepted symbol of a dirty guy who wanted to show you his winkie, men liked to…show you!

I mean, boners are kind of nifty, right? Just imagine if you could go into the $1 section at Target and buy a neat little toy the size of an egg-full of silly putty. After you play with that squishy little blob for awhile, it suddenly increases in size & girth until it grows to resemble a decent-size flashlight, a Monster energy drink or, if you’re lucky – a can of Pringles!  Wow! Cool toy!  Then it will even squirt stuff! Woot! Everyone would love it! Continuing the metaphor, soon everyone would have this nifty doo-dad and, as happens,  the novelty would wear off. You’d still love to play with it, but everyone’s seen it – nobody is impressed when you say “hey! Check this out! Look what I can do!”

This is pretty much how I feel about dick pics. I mean, we’ve all seen the trick already, guys! I’m not saying that you are not all uniquely special, skilled & talented, but that’s not what a photo of your meat stick shows me. You aren’t showing me your wit, kindness, humor, intelligence, stamina, social consciousness, skills at cunnilingus…you’re showing me your cock. It may truly be inspirational, but it’s really not that different from the hundreds that I have seen before. (That’s counting porn too – I’m not that big of a slut!)

Women aren’t nearly as visually stimulated as men either. But men don’t seem to care. I think that they are actually visually stimulated by themselves and their nifty “boy toy” and they love to show it off! My filthy Twitter pal, @The_Marcness recently tweeted: “Beating off to a video of you rubbing one out is like some sort of weird, perverted inception” – speaking on behalf of many men who, in my experience, like to watch themselves.

Technology has made it possible and even easy for us to share photos with each other effortlessly. Exhibitionists and voyeurs alike have found a socially acceptable outlet for watching and showing their naughty bits.  Still, there remain those “raincoat flashers” out there who just seem to get off on the thrill of the shock. It is as if they enjoy seeing what kind of reaction they can generate by sending out unsolicited dick pics and videos.

I don’t understand this. Particularly in some of the cases that I have personally experienced. We message each other through a dating site, get to know each other a little bit as human beings. Maybe we flirt or are suggestive with one another, okay. We get comfortable enough to exchange phone numbers and plan to meet up. You don’t know me yet, but if we meet and there’s chemistry, odds are that I will have sex with you. Real sex. With tongues, mouths, hands, fingers, boobs…an actual vagina. So why sour your chances by prematurely whipping out the peen?

To be clear: I’m not talking about when texting turns dirty and turns to sexting. I’m not talking about when we’re seeing each other and you send me a “thinking of you” photo. That’s different. I’m talking about the guy that wakes me up at 7am with a picture of him stroking it. Or who sends a MMS message to me and 10 others on Easter Sunday when I’m at dinner with my family.

Yeah, that guy – again! Or rather, still. This guy that I haven’t met has awakened me three times during my vacation this week by sending me nude pics of himself. This is the guy that texted at 6:21am and when I asked for no texts before 9am or after 12am got offended and said I should find someone else. Okay, fine, bye. But wait – he keeps sending me nude pics and video! All but one have been before 9am, of course – including a cock pic that woke me today. So far I have simply ignored him. I find this usually works best. Though I was sorely tempted to text back “oh, wow – it must be cold there” when his hand-held wiener pic arrived on my phone this morning. However, I have learned not to feed the trolls.

I know, I should start shutting my ringer off, but a lifetime of being the responsible friend/mom/aunt that you can call 24/7 if you need me makes me hesitant to do that. Plus I always forget to turn it off or turn it back on. Plus – would the alarm on my phone still work? Points to ponder if I don’t want to be pondering penis points in the wee-wee hours of the morning! Meanwhile, I will learn how to block numbers on my cell, but that only works if they continue to contact you from the same number. Some of these guys are crafty. I have had at least four men disable their POF accounts and then message me anew from a different account.

I haven’t even covered the men who seem to prefer having an online spank-buddy to video chat with rather than meet in person. I guess virtual sex is the safest sex possible, but I don’t understand that either!

And I think “just your tits…” has replaced the lie that used to be “just the tip!”

Okay, I’m tweeting that!

06
Mar
13

I only have time for a quickie…

I know, we’ve all heard that one, right? Now I’m going to do it to you too! I don’t have time for a huge update and frankly, I don’t know quite where to go with this one. I could transition into a “friend zone” post that would cover the guy that I saw last night and a few others. Or I could transition to “Lie to Me” and talk about getting canceled, stood up and blown off – like the guy (we’ll call him S32,) that sent me a text last night (while I was at C43s house,) canceling for Thursday. When I asked him how the rest of the weekend looked I got the “I’m gonna be real busy” response. Hmmmm…

Yet another option for where to go next is my promised topic about online spank-buddies. The internet and video-chatting has made it possible for voyeurs and exhibitionists to find a somewhat legitimate outlet for their personal proclivities – without risking arrest or even having to leave the house! I am starting to think that even though he’s really sweet and likes to talk quite a bit, that S32 may be one of those guys. Again, this is a whole other blog topic, but suffice to say: I’ve seen it and I want it. I’m also pretty keen on about 75% of the rest of the package too. Some shit that comes out of his mouth gives me pause on occasion, but he’s cute as hell and young and…energetic…and tattooed…yum! But I’m getting that vibe that you get when you are being blown off nicely – like lots of really polite and legitimate-sounding cancellations or delays. The kind that you are willing to forgive or understand (hey, I’m a reasonable person, right?) And the kind that will keep you talking…yeah. I’m thinking that maybe he just wants to “talk” – which may lead to me having to decide if I’m okay with that or not.

Meanwhile, last night was terrific fun – as it nearly always is with C43. As I tried to explain, we’re pretty firmly in the friend zone, but not all the way. I believe this to be true because, for instance,  we’re not at the point as friends where we discuss other people that we date or where friendly flirting doesn’t have an edge of discomfort. I mean, I make flirty or dirty little comments with my friends all the time just as a matter of course. It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, I’m likely to make a risque comment at some point. With him…it feels…slightly dangerous. Not the good kind of dangerous that could get me face-down and furiously fucked on the sofa. The bad kind of dangerous that could lead to an awkward conversation about feelings and attraction and damage our burgeoning friendship. 

I really like the friendship. I am willing to put up with the interesting little quirks and oddities just because the companionship, conversation and common interest is so phenomenally excellent. For the most part, things flow naturally and in a friendly way – and then every once in awhile he’ll make a comment or something and I think “um, are we dating here or hanging out as pals?” Also, he’s really fucking cute and I sometimes just want to touch him. While I generally don’t spend my time pining for him, I did have a brief moment yesterday where my heart leaped and my panties dampened. I picked him up after work (he takes the bus downtown) and as he rounded the corner of his building wearing sunglasses and a big smile just for me…ugh. I may have drooled. Then we hung out for eight very fun but completely sexless hours.

When we parted ways – two hours later than the agreed “late limit” on the evening – he walked me to my car as he always, always does and we had a chaste hug. We also discussed getting together again on the weekend or next week. It’s almost like we’re seeing each other… At one point yesterday when we were hanging out something embarrassing happened and he said “oh wow, yeah, that’s really the way to sweep a woman off her feet…” um, are we dating again? Someone clue me in. Meanwhile, while I may find all of this perplexing, I am doing pretty well at not internalizing it, obsessing over it or letting it drive me crazy. I’m really enjoying this person for who he is and trying to figure out who we are or will be. We have so much fun together that I can overlook some of the frustrating habits, odd behaviors, mixed signals (or complete lack of signals,) and the worst one: not getting laid. While a number of friends have told me to drop him, I won’t. I like him. I can always get dick elsewhere. A good mind and a good friend is too precious to waste.

Oh, hey – I guess that wasn’t really a quickie, was it? Just goes to show that a man’s idea of a quickie differs greatly from a woman’s! 😉




Categories

Quickies with the Risqué Divorcée!

  • Facebook "It looks like you're at Burger King. Check in to share with your friends." Me: shut the fuck up, Facebook! 2 years ago
  • RT @amyisprettycool: Ok, who wrote the Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer #SNL sketch because they just made America great again 2 years ago
  • RT @LuvPug: My husband thinks it's so cute when I speak to him with terms of endearment like 'honey' or 'cockblocker' 2 years ago
  • RT @SondraDeeMe: I've always had a soft spot in my heart for female T-Rex because the tampon insertion must've been really difficult. 2 years ago
  • RT @joss: To everyone who keeps saying "Go back to making jokes/films/etc", WHAT DO YOU THINK WE WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING 2 years ago