Posts Tagged ‘vagina


Toxic (sex) Toys?

Toxic (sex) Toys?

I loved this article and it very much pertains to me! Most sex toys are labeled as “novelties” and therefore don’t require regulation. If you are putting it on or in your body, do a little research! I also love that they “slipped in” the word “buzzword” when referencing vibrators in this article!! 🙂


Blame it on my ego…and my vagina…

I’ve been remiss. I’ve been avoiding you. I’ve had some shit to work out.

Yes, I’ve also been busy generating new blog material and have taken two new lovers since my last post.

But this time it’s different. Perhaps it sounds the same, but I assure you, it’s not.

In the week before Mother’s Day I had two different men sort of…blow me off. In both cases we had plans that were canceled and communicated poorly. Mother’s Day is always a bit sad for me anyway and the combination of two cancellations plus the holiday put me into a bit of a funk. The men in question are also my two youngest lovers – Brad Pitt (P29) and Soup Can Man (R30) – and I felt like that was perhaps part of the equation that allowed for my time to be so casually disregarded. Both of these guys were men that I met “organically” – that is, in my daily life, not through an online dating site. I think that also contributed to the casual “fuck buddy” attitude that had been fun, but was getting old. Particularly since both guys had asked me out socially as well but then bailed or not followed through. Our 3am activities were exciting and most excellent, but I was feeling a little empty and unfulfilled on the social front. My twitter pal, @Dirty_Bizness said it well recently “Fucking is great but I want some intimacy!” Spot on.

Furthermore, I felt like my ego & my vagina were sabotaging my ability to see what my heart and mind wanted. No, really. Initially, all this wacky dating stuff stemmed from my desire to get laid. Yes, I needed to get out there & meet new people, but mostly I just needed to see what was out there for me and find out what dating was like for the first time in 25 years. So not only was I aching to get boned, but I had no idea if anyone would want me or what kind of people were out there for my choosing. Heck, I didn’t even know that I would have a choice! So when the offers started coming in I accepted them – nearly all of them. I felt that it was only right to give everyone a fair shot. Oh I’ve had fun. Don’t get me wrong! I needed to have that experience. It was exactly what I needed when I needed it. But somewhere in there my fear, insecurity, ego or just the regular dose of very excellent sex distracted me from moving toward what I really want and from being a little more selective. I mean, having a gorgeous 29-year-old telling you how he wants to eat your pussy & ass? Total turn-on, total ego boost and I let it go to my head. I allowed him to let me be a casual booty call because I felt great when we were together and I didn’t want anything serious either, but I let myself be treated like an option and not tended like a person.

I was learning the difference between “fuck buddy” and “friend with benefits” and I was missing the friendship.

Then there were a few guys who were more like friends…and the sex was meh. Okay. I liked the companionship. I found myself saying “I like the nerdy and the dirty – I just wish they came in the same package!” I still wasn’t looking for only one person to meet that requirement, but I would have really enjoyed three or four guys who liked to talk, game, laugh, be social and fuck like demons. My theory was that I would just hold on to the growlfuckers (even if I wouldn’t ever consider having them meet my friends) and then keep the ones that I liked to talk to and hang out with around too. They could get invited to game night with my friends. Nothing wrong with friends, right? And sex sometimes improved with guidance and comfort with each other.

Recently, my perspective has changed again. On the advice of a friend, I made an OkCupid account & I really like it there even though I’m not as inundated as I am on other dating sites.  I got rid of Zoosk and Plenty of Fish. I started looking specifically for poly-friendly people. People that are fine if I say “no, Friday doesn’t work, I have a date and will probably sleep over there. How about Sunday?” People who have the emotional bandwidth to understand that they don’t want just one person, but they want love, intimacy and friendship with their lovers. Poly folk also tend to be good communicators and often have higher than average sex drives and/or are a little more kinky. I’m not into BDSM, swap parties & such, but I do like some stuff that’s beyond the old in-out. I like lovers who are enthusiastic and, well, passionate about sex. I’ve been finding them.

My recent epiphany was basically that I had been learning what I could have and now I have decided to be more selective and only accepting what I really want. I don’t have to accept every invitation. I can be kind, honest & polite, but I don’t have to say yes to someone when I know it’s a bad match. Guess what? I can get laid anytime. I want some fucking intimacy. Guess what else? I’m happy, healthy, self-aware, comfortable & confident enough to have it now. I’m ready. Guess what else? I’ve been finding those nerdy/dirty/funny/smart combo guys lately. I’m seeing three of them right now. 

So it seems the same, but there’s a change that’s happened for me and it makes me feel great. I’ll do a better job of keeping you up to date. I know I should have talked/written through it, but I wasn’t ready.

Nine days to my birthday in Vegas! Coming up next? I’ll tell you about my last trip to Vegas! 🙂


The Hair Down There

When I was a child I was obsessed with the notion of growing up and “getting hairy” – so much so that my mom, thinking it cute, even mentioned it in my baby book. As an adolescent, with Judy Bloom as my spirit guide, I couldn’t wait for my body to change – to grow boobs, to get hairy and to shed my uterine lining each month to prove that I was finally a real woman.

Now that I’m in my early 40s, I have more unwanted hair and bigger boobs than any one person should have.  I no longer have a uterus and though I’m certainly still a real woman, I find myself once again perplexed by what I can only call a “trend” in today’s sexual & grooming scene – the naked vagina.  Yes, the pube-less pubis has been “trending” for at least a decade, but it now seems to be expected rather than a “sometimes treat.”

Having come of age in the 80’s – I was pretty accustomed to big hair and this was not limited to heads and MTV videos. Remember Madonna & Vanessa Williams? Big ol’ bushes. This used to be considered sexy.

These days it seems that having hair down there is almost deemed gross or shameful. I am shocked by the number of men who actually ask me if I’m shaved before we even meet. Some seem downright obsessive about a trimmed quim.

Interestingly, the younger crowd seems even more likely to consider this the norm. About 1/4 of the men that I have slept with since I’ve been single have also been hairless. My observation is that it is a far more common practice for younger men to do.

I admit that the first time I reached down and found a shorn & stubbly scrotum during a sex act I had to stifle a giggle. That tends to be my “signature move” when dealing with something new or unexpected. I remember thinking “huh – shaved pubes, hello” and carrying on. I do think it tends to be a generational expectation. My niece assures me that shaving your vag is simply expected amongst 20-somethings, much like shaving your legs before sex. It’s just regular, required grooming. The first shaved guy I encountered was 28, the next 29.

Now, I’ve also dealt with some serious man-bush that could have used a little weed whacking, actually. For some reason this seems to be completely fine for men. I have had guys warn me or apologize because they are “pretty hairy” but they usually are referring to their back & body hair, not their pubes, specifically. Yet having a naked clam seems to be an almost an expectation. Which I guess is what bugs me. I am happy to keep things short & sweet down there, but I don’t like to shave because it makes me break out. A vaginal rash is not attractive, I assure you. I mean, maybe I’ll do a reverse landing strip from time to time but again, this is a special treat for both of us, not an everyday thing. I hate feeling obligated to shave like I’m some sort of wooly mammoth that is long since extinct.

Don’t get me started on waxing or God forbid, the popular new “vagazzle” craze. I mean do we really need to have Lee press-on twat decor? Waxing has become so popular that the salons are popping up all over the place like little nail shops. Do people really go in every couple of weeks for a wax and a little bedazzling of their woo-woo? Come on, all I want is a fill!

I guess my bottom (heh) line is this: lay off the expectation. If you are lucky enough to get there, you should be delighted just to enjoy the poon – with or without the pubes.

As someone recently tweeted: “If you can’t handle me hairy, you don’t deserve me shaved.” I guess that sums up my general position in about 530 fewer characters than this blog entry!


Quickies with the Risqué Divorcée!