risquédivorcée

I just sent a demand letter to my ex-spouse.

I’ve never run a marathon, but I think what I am feeling right now might be similar to what someone might feel having just qualified to run Boston – empowered, powerful, free, successful…terrified as hell, sick to your stomach, scared to death by the challenges and hard work that lie ahead.

Yeah, I have butterflies…and not the good kind. I’m walking around the house alternately doing a little dance or fist pump and bending over to hyperventilate. Because I know that I am unleashing the Kraken. I know the other shoe is going to drop. I know he is going to lose his shit. And yet, in my MIND – which much smarter than my stomach, heart and adrenal gland – I KNOW that I have the upper hand. I KNOW that I have a superior bargaining position. I KNOW that I am well within my RIGHTS to protect myself and my finances and NOT allow him to screw me again. Literally or metaphorically. (Especially not with that tiny wiener and wham-bam style!)

During the last four years since we separated, I wanted the term “amicable divorce” to be a real and true fact. I tried my best to honor our marriage and family by not talking shit about my ex and not allowing others to do so either. I defended him, I forgave him and I took a very minimal divorce settlement in order to maintain peace, harmony and family. I made sure to project that image and maintain that cordiality and friendship even during challenging times.

Then he stopped making payments and told me to “have a nice life.”

Then he got served with foreclosure paperwork for the house we still own together.

Then he asked for my help in going together to settle with the bank.

…on a house that I don’t live in.

…for a house I haven’t lived in in 4 years.

….for a man who makes about 6 times as much as I do.

 Oh yes, and could you stop being so childish and asking for silly things like the file and paperwork pertaining to the case? You don’t need that. Why do you need your own attorney? I’m offering to pay for an attorney. Why won’t you answer my 5 phone calls in a row and 8 texts sent before 9:30 am on Saturday? Are you going to continue to be difficult because you are upset?

This is not the kind of dick I prefer!

I worked hard, served my time, put up with a lot, sacrificed and then sacrificed again for the good of my family.

Now I’m going stone cold bitch for the good of myself.

I told him I would be happy to work on the bank settlement with him as soon as he paid me the balance he owes me in cash because his credit is no good with me. Otherwise, I will gleefully drag this out another year then declare bankruptcy and leave him responsible for the full debt, any tax liability that might result from a deficiency being forgiven and substantial attorney fees. I’m told that the bank will not be willing or able to settle the case if I say I want to go to trial.

After nearly three decades of being charmed, bullied or manipulated into doing what this man wanted me to do, it feels really good to put my foot down.

After all, isn’t that how you win a marathon?