Posts Tagged ‘analingus

21
Jul
13

The man that helps me believe in polyamory makes me think about monogamy

By risquedivorcee Leave a Comment
Categories: Dating and Uncategorized
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I woke up an hour and a half before my alarm today with the intention of blogging. I had coffee. I had some food. I decided that I couldn’t type while eating so I went to Facebook. I played some games. I commented, liked, lurked…played more games. I finally opened this blog window as my alarm was going off. Oh, I know avoidance when I see it. Yes, yes I do. I have been avoiding you.

I find this self-awareness to be interesting despite any real effort on my part to actually change the behavior. I know what I’m avoiding and yet I’m fairly content to allow myself to do so. It’s like leaving dishes in the sink. I know they’re there but I’m a grown-ass adult and I can leave my dishes in the sink if I so choose. Right?! Adult!

Okay, fine, fine! I was on vacation in the boondocks for a week and then came home sick too – so let me add a legitimate excuse to the pile of rationalizations.

I have observed that if I really like a man that I am seeing that it is difficult to blog about him. I find that I am all about bravado, humor and being bawdy and not so great at being soft, squishy & vulnerable. It doesn’t really take a therapist to figure out my defense mechanisms for self-protection. Oh sure, when you start seeing someone that you really like you get swamped with new relationship energy – you start seeing each other a lot and let everything fall to the wayside. Friends, dishes, blogs…  But as that eases a bit, I find myself having even more of a struggle starting to tell the tale. It becomes like catching up on overdue homework – a seemingly insurmountable obstacle! Jeez, I’m still talking about why I haven’t written. Start writing already!!

He’s E38 and I decided to call him Working-class Whimsy because he’s an artist, smart, well-spoken, well-read and has interesting perspective, but he also comes from a very blue-collar background and works a project management job in the construction industry. He could also be “chameleon” because he manages to sort of fit into lots of settings and also pull off several different looks – something that I mentioned to him in my first response on OKCupid. He messaged me saying that he was attracted and that we seemed to have shared interests and that I should respond if I felt the same. I looked at this goofy, funky, artistic, sexy man who described himself as a poly starving artist with a twisted sense of humor and thought “oh yes…”

I think our first phone call was seven hours. I loved his honesty, openness and matter-of-fact frankness. No bullshit. Direct. I even broke one of my cardinal rules and engaged in a bit of phone sex at the end of our marathon chat session. The conversation had turned to sex in an offhand “what do you like” sort of way and it was clear that both of us were going to hang up and go rub one out. I sent a text after our call ended and asked if he wanted me to “talk him off” and called him back. As it turned out, he did most of the talking. Man, he talks very, very well. I told him that I knew we were going to have a lot of fun. And so far we have.

Our schedules didn’t match up until Memorial Day largely because I was seeing the “Teddy Bear Pirate” that weekend and engaging in lots and lots of sex with him. By the the time Whimsy and I got together on Monday I was sore and raw from being worked over all weekend. We were planning to have lunch somewhere near a shopping area a few miles away from my place where he was looking at electronics. I had to use the bathroom so I went into the mega electronics store and texted him that I was there. He found me. (Not in the bathroom! After!) Now, you hear about sparks flying and chemistry and love at first sight, right? Well, I’m too old and jaded for that bullshit, but there was something instantly…comfortable from the start. As we fell into step in the store it felt like we should have already been holding hands. Natural. Relaxed. There was a feeling of “oh, hey – there you are. I know you.” We just sort of clicked.

Being ever the romantic, our next stop was the hardware store next door for wasp spray. Sexy, huh? As I said, there was a general degree of casual comfort from the get-go. When we discussed lunch, we opted for a place in town and I drove us both there in my car. We ate and fell into easy conversation. As the meal neared the end he started asking what I wanted to do next. He noted that the weather was too poor to take a walk and said that we could see a movie – though he acknowledged that wasn’t very social. I thanked him for the movie invitation but declined, saying that I would much rather talk with him more.

We opted to leave the restaurant and figure out what to do next. While crossing the parking lot, he asked me what I wanted to do and I said “what do you want to do?” He then stopped, put his hand on my hip, pulled me to him and planted a very serious kiss on me. Stroking my face, he said “that is what I wanted to do.” A minute later, while getting in the car, he chuckled and said “I wanted to make sure that you knew I was interested.” I laughed and said that since he didn’t check the time and say he needed to get going and kept asking what I wanted to do next that I figured he was interested. I said that I was too and indicated that I would really like to hang out and talk some more. We discussed where to go and I finally said “look, we could go to my place, but if we do we’ll probably wind up in bed – not that that’s a bad thing, but I had company all weekend and am actually really fucked out, so…”

Yeah, classy, right? Or just refreshingly honest? I had had sex something like eleven times and was absolutely aching. I didn’t want our first time to be “oooh, ah…ow” you know? So he said he would be fine with just talking or maybe even watching a movie. We came to my place and talked for about an hour…before we wound up in bed.

Okay, look…the sex? It was nothing short of spectacular. Goddamn! I feel like I’m constantly saying that I’m having the best sex of my life but that’s only because it’s true! I mean, there have certainly been some duds during the past few months but mostly it’s been GREAT! Well, here I go – once again crowing a new “best ever” man. Oh, I can’t base it solely on our first several times (that all happened that first day/night/next morning – yow!) because we’ve probably had sex fifty more times since then and it continues to be exceptional.

I’m simply enjoying someone who is a very excellent match for me, sexually. He’s great at sensing and responding – sometimes being achingly slow and sensual, sometimes being rough & commanding, sometimes letting me take charge, sometimes overwhelming my senses with an orgasmic onslaught. He loves to eat ass and pussy and is truly gifted in the art forms. He goes crazy when his ass is rimmed – something I’d never done before but find to be unobjectionable and very rewarding when he goes completely wild in response. Also, he has an absolutely perfect cock. Just right. Bonus!

E38/Whimsy is poly and has two other girlfriends. Our attitude & philosophy in this area is very similar and we’ve talked openly about it quite a bit. He’s great at communicating and scheduling and I’ve felt absolutely cherished, satisfied and appreciated these past couple of months. He helps me believe that polyamory can work between smart, caring, honest, mature, responsible adults. Right now it’s really, really working for us. And yet, all this ooey, gooey squishy, lovey new relationship energy has me occasionally thinking “hmmm…what would it be like if we were exclusive?” That’s a lifetime of monogamy training talking combined with a man that I am incredibly compatible with and very smitten by. It’s also a whole other topic worth exploring…maybe next time!

xo

RD

18
Jun
13

Getting dumped by someone I wasn’t even attracted to in the first place

By risquedivorcee 1 Comment
Categories: Uncategorized
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Okay, kiddies – I’m going to try to get you up to date on recent events and may as well start with this one.

We’ll call him the little pirate bear & identify him as M41. Little Pirate Bear messaged me on OKC in a pretty bold and flirtatious fashion near the end of April. For those keeping score, I was still messing around with my young, hot booty call boys at that time and wasn’t that excited about this guy. He indicated that he’d just come out of a long-term relationship and didn’t know what he was looking for but needed to start looking. Okay, there’s a warning bell sounding in there because I can be kind of a handful, but he said that he loved kickin’ curves and loving a woman’s body, so he brought enough flirtatious zest to the table to get my attention. Subsequent conversations seemed to indicate that we had quite a lot in common as far as our personal relationship history was concerned and I felt like he was at the exact place that I was about 10 months ago – dipping my toe into dating for the first time in 20+ years, uncertain about what was available or what I wanted, lacking confidence, terrified but also excited to be taking those first steps in a new direction.

For as bawdy, ribald & raunchy as I can most certainly be, I’m also a real human being with the ability to be kind, empathetic, a good listener, a good friend, encouraging and nurturing. I felt like I could be supportive and encouraging to this guy and help set him on his feet for the dating scene – even if we didn’t hit it off romantically. It is notable to mention that our match score was around 90% – so he was similar to me politically, socially, sexually, ethically & concerning lifestyle. He was also poly-friendly. I was cautiously optimistic in meeting him. I figured that he wasn’t ready for me, but that I could probably be an encouraging friend and maybe more. I agreed to meet him for a drink.

He arrived early, I arrived late (due to traffic – a fact I communicated to him en-route) and when I spied him in the bar my internal response was a decisive “ugh”. I wasn’t attracted. He was a bit overdressed for a casual meeting – wearing a sports coat & slacks. He was short, stout & very grim looking overall. Still, I attributed a lot of that to nerves and newness. I soon came to realize that I was the first date that he’d had since his marriage. Which meant that I was the first woman besides his wife that he’d gone out with in something like 22 years. I cut the guy some slack and pointedly ignored his profuse sweating and frowning intensity. I bought him a beer.

Whether it was the alcohol or me, our talk flowed and we really seemed at ease with one another conversationally. He was smart, funny, self-deprecating, forthright, complimentary and comfortable. We talked for a long time on many subjects – including exes, marriage, kids, dating, poly, group sex, open relationships and such “dangerous” topics for a first date. It did feel more like a first date than a first meet-up too. There was a bit more expectation and pressure that was present than just a standard quick drink. We parted ways about three hours after we met – with a chaste hug and plans to see the new Star Trek film when it came out in two weeks.

I half expected that we would part with a kiss or that during our walk to my car he would take my hand. I wasn’t sure if he didn’t because he was nervous or because we didn’t click, but I did get a pretty strong “friend zone” vibe from the little bear. However, if you have read my recent thoughts about ego and evolution, you will understand when I say that I tried to set aside the fact that I wasn’t super attracted to this guy but I did actually like him a lot as a person. I was sincerely trying to look at the big picture with people – and to date people that shared common interests and experiences – whether they were super sexy or not!

Our second date went similarly to the first. He was less nervous, I let him see my true inner nerd at the Star Trek flick and one time he touched my ankle in a flirtatious way. Other than that, nothing pertaining to touch or flirting happened. We did extend our time together by hitting a bar for happy hour after the movie, but I was still getting the comfy friend vibe and that was okay since I didn’t feel any particular chemistry on my end. I was considering him as an interesting and fun person though.

Our texts and occasional phone calls between meetings were another story. His messages, attentiveness & flirtation outside of our 1:1 interactions were much more forward, flirty & occasionally naughty. Sometimes we would even talk about sexual preferences and he would occasionally make a quip about how I would taste or something like that. Finally, I shot the elephant in the room by telling him that I was intrigued by the fact that his messages were a lot more flirtatious than he was in person. I essentially asked him if he was more comfortable dealing in text or if he was just messing around or what.

His response was basically that he felt like we were sort of “drinking buddies” and that he didn’t really “feel anything beyond that” with me but…well, I am a beautiful, sexy woman and interesting, we have fun together & a lot in common…we’ll see. I told him that I was glad he said that because I felt similarly. I found him very comfortable, fun and great to talk to, but that I wasn’t sure whether we were going to be romantic with each other. I also said that I didn’t think he was quite ready for me & that I was a lot to handle straight out of the gate. He seemed to take that as a personal challenge.

We made plans to get together on the Saturday of Memorial weekend. I had plans to play games with friends on Sunday and was meeting a new guy that I was very interested in on Monday. I told little bear that I would cook and he offered to help or bring wine, etc. We talked about mixers, drinks, etc and finally came a text from him that said “should I pack a bag?” He followed immediately by saying that this would determine what and how much he would drink. I said “yes, absolutely! You are welcome to be comfortable, stay & be at ease. My guest bed is made up and since we are grown-ass adults, we can see how it goes and decide where you should sleep.”

I was quite pleased with that message and had generally decided that I liked him enough that if we got comfortable and chemistry kicked in, I would sleep with him. I mean, it had been several weeks for me, quite awhile for him and the flirting & dirty talk had kicked in with some humor – I knew that we would both enjoy it. However, I had the notion that it would probably be a bit awkward for him and probably consist of a few fumbling attempts followed by maybe two minutes of thrusting and that’s it.

I also have to admit that I had adopted a somewhat cavalier attitude of “benevolence” where the little bear was concerned. Like I was doing him a favor by throwing him a little action. Not so much a pity fuck, but maybe close to that. More like proving to myself that my ego didn’t need to have a 29-year-old Brad Pitt and this guy needed to get laid, so why not?

He showed up with flowers & I opened the door wearing a dress that essentially said “this is yours if you want it.”

He did.

We had drinks, ate dinner, flirted more, he did the dishes, we were comfortable with each other, watched some TV, snuggled, held hands, kissed a bit…and eventually went to bed.

OMIGOD. He was amazing in the sack. I mean, crazy amazing. He ate pussy and ass like it was Gordon Ramsay’s signature Beef Wellington and he hadn’t had a decent meal in years. His hands and mouth knew exactly how to bring me to more orgasms than I could count. His penis was fairly small and his testicles were bigger than anything I’d seen outside of a 4-H fair, but that was secondary to some amazing, amazing oral and digital action that he simply liquefied me with. We managed to have intercourse despite the fact that his dick had a case of nerves. He could get it up & keep it up, but he couldn’t cum. Therefore, I let him lead and set the pace. That pace was to clean wear me out. Okay, maybe not so clean. There was plenty of dirty.

We talked a lot – his ex had basically started to consider sex to be a bad thing once they had kids. He had been made to feel ashamed of his sexuality and treated like a deviant and a predator. I like to think that I helped him get past that a little bit. We talked about poly and about what that meant to us. He said that he was just happy to be with me. He made us breakfast. It was very comfortable and companionable. I had plans to go play games with my friends that (now Sunday) evening and was putting together a dish to pass when I suddenly asked him if he would like to join me. I’d invited very few of my lovers to come hang out with my friends, but in the moment I was really, sincerely feeling it. I had been surprised by this man and also more than a little charmed. Also, he was meeting another lady for lunch on Monday and I lived much closer to where they were meeting than he did. It made sense to have him stay another night. He agreed and came to my friends’ house with me.

We had a perfectly great time playing cards and games and talking with my friends. He was charming, funny and personable and fit in quite well. Later that night we had a lot more excellent sex and it was really intimate and intense. I started to think that I could really enjoy keeping this one around. In my mind, I was thinking that I could have two regular lovers who were dirty, nerdy & fun. I was imagining living a “normal” polyamorous lifestyle with two men that I could see socially and also have great sex with. Of course, I wasn’t meeting the other guy until that Monday either, but I knew based on our extensive conversations that we were going to totally hit it off. I wondered if my blog would suffer due to the boring old two-man show that I imagined.

The following week was peppered with lots of texts and a few phone calls. We made plans to see Man of Steel when it came out and arranged to get together the following weekend as well. I really liked the little Pirate Bear and we had an affinity that made him really easy to talk to. I knew that he was trying to get together with a third gal sometime and that he’d talked to her a few times. I was delighted that we could be open and comfortable talking about that too.

The next weekend he came over again. I told him about meeting the other guy and that it had gone very well. (In another blog entry I will tell you just how well it went!) He told me he didn’t think that things were going to progress with his first lady but that he had plans to see the other gal on Thursday. We were very physical and I found myself really drawn to him – stopping to touch him or kiss him while he was cooking dinner, etc. During dinner, however, he asked what happens if he develops feelings for someone. I said “that’s great” and said that the whole idea of poly was that you could love and care about multiple people. He then said that he was very interested in the other gal but that she was not poly-friendly. He said that he had been up-front with her about our “preexisting plans”  and told her about our date, but he was concerned about what would happen if they hit it off. He threw in a “not that I don’t have feelings for you, but…”

I had a sudden, sinking feeling that he was setting up a scenario where he would ride off into the sunset with this new gal and throw me over. I was a little stunned because here we were enjoying good sex, good food, fun conversation and companionship and he was basically worried about what would happen if he fell for the new gal. I suggested that he could just simply tell her that he wasn’t ready to settle down into a serious relationship and that he was just dating right now. He seemed somewhat unsatisfied with that notion. We had a great day and night together and he finally achieved orgasm with me – twice, in fact. When he left he wished me well on my upcoming trip & we talked about having another movie date when I got back.

Again, we exchanged texts during the week, but not with the same degree of frequency. Okay, I understood that he was managing three different women at that point and that he was somewhat new to dealing with that. I was also enjoying the company and attention of the other new guy in my life and fine with that. On Friday, I was planning to see the new guy again and getting ready to head out of town on Saturday. Little Bear sent me a chatty text Friday afternoon before I headed to work. At some point I asked him how his date went on Thursday. Several minutes passed before he responded. His response took five texts.

He explained that it went so well on Thursday that he needed to cancel our date to see Man of Steel. He appreciated the time we spent together but he told me from the start that he thought we were just drinking buddies and he didn’t feel the same spark for me that he did with this new woman. He had wanted to do this in person after my trip, but he couldn’t begin a new relationship with this woman with this “unknown element” still out there. He apologized, saying that he thought that I was expressing some feelings towards him that he could not return. Then he said “you can hate me & drink & complain about me, but I can’t screw this up. Sorry again.”

Ugh. I just got dumped by a guy I didn’t even want to have a second date with. Seriously?

Regardless, I was a very, very good sport.

I responded by saying that I had warned him that he wasn’t ready for me and kindly said that I wasn’t expecting him at all. I called him “a pleasant surprise” and said how much I enjoyed our time together. I said that I thought his mind had no problem with poly but that his heart might have objections. I told him that he was good, honorable, kind & passionate and that he should remember that and value it. I told him to lighten up – we’d had fun and there was no regret and certainly no hate!

Pretty awesome of me, right? Guess what his response was? NOTHING! Seriously? You met a gal yesterday and today you’re going steady & can’t even talk to me over text? Jeez! A total dump and run!

Three hours later, my phone rang at a point in my workday when I couldn’t answer it. It was the Little Pirate Bear & the voicemail that he left made it sound like he had either pocket dialed me or just hung up without intending to leave a message. I tried calling him back a few minutes later and he didn’t answer. I sent a text asking if he’d meant to call. He eventually sent a text saying it was a total pocket dial and telling me to have fun on my trip and “Thx 4 all your understanding.” Well damn, you’re welcome. I said sure and thanked him for saying that, acknowledging that I was a tad butthurt that he hadn’t responded at all. I said “Best to you” and let it go.

I was a bit annoyed at the abrupt end to our whirlwind romance, but I guess I had seen the writing on the wall. I am happy to report that two days later he sent me a very nice text wishing me a happy birthday and inquiring about how I was doing in Vegas. I kept my response very brief and didn’t engage after he responded. No need to make it more awkward.

Funny enough, I had a new message on OkCupid this past Thursday and noticed that little bear’s photo was no longer next to his messages in my inbox. Lo & behold – after knowing his gal for exactly one week, he had pulled his dating profile. Wow. I predict that this “poly-friendly” guy will be married again within the year.

I told you he wasn’t ready for me!

–RD

30
May
13

Blame it on my ego…and my vagina…

By risquedivorcee Leave a Comment
Categories: Uncategorized
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I’ve been remiss. I’ve been avoiding you. I’ve had some shit to work out.

Yes, I’ve also been busy generating new blog material and have taken two new lovers since my last post.

But this time it’s different. Perhaps it sounds the same, but I assure you, it’s not.

In the week before Mother’s Day I had two different men sort of…blow me off. In both cases we had plans that were canceled and communicated poorly. Mother’s Day is always a bit sad for me anyway and the combination of two cancellations plus the holiday put me into a bit of a funk. The men in question are also my two youngest lovers – Brad Pitt (P29) and Soup Can Man (R30) – and I felt like that was perhaps part of the equation that allowed for my time to be so casually disregarded. Both of these guys were men that I met “organically” – that is, in my daily life, not through an online dating site. I think that also contributed to the casual “fuck buddy” attitude that had been fun, but was getting old. Particularly since both guys had asked me out socially as well but then bailed or not followed through. Our 3am activities were exciting and most excellent, but I was feeling a little empty and unfulfilled on the social front. My twitter pal, @Dirty_Bizness said it well recently “Fucking is great but I want some intimacy!” Spot on.

Furthermore, I felt like my ego & my vagina were sabotaging my ability to see what my heart and mind wanted. No, really. Initially, all this wacky dating stuff stemmed from my desire to get laid. Yes, I needed to get out there & meet new people, but mostly I just needed to see what was out there for me and find out what dating was like for the first time in 25 years. So not only was I aching to get boned, but I had no idea if anyone would want me or what kind of people were out there for my choosing. Heck, I didn’t even know that I would have a choice! So when the offers started coming in I accepted them – nearly all of them. I felt that it was only right to give everyone a fair shot. Oh I’ve had fun. Don’t get me wrong! I needed to have that experience. It was exactly what I needed when I needed it. But somewhere in there my fear, insecurity, ego or just the regular dose of very excellent sex distracted me from moving toward what I really want and from being a little more selective. I mean, having a gorgeous 29-year-old telling you how he wants to eat your pussy & ass? Total turn-on, total ego boost and I let it go to my head. I allowed him to let me be a casual booty call because I felt great when we were together and I didn’t want anything serious either, but I let myself be treated like an option and not tended like a person.

I was learning the difference between “fuck buddy” and “friend with benefits” and I was missing the friendship.

Then there were a few guys who were more like friends…and the sex was meh. Okay. I liked the companionship. I found myself saying “I like the nerdy and the dirty – I just wish they came in the same package!” I still wasn’t looking for only one person to meet that requirement, but I would have really enjoyed three or four guys who liked to talk, game, laugh, be social and fuck like demons. My theory was that I would just hold on to the growlfuckers (even if I wouldn’t ever consider having them meet my friends) and then keep the ones that I liked to talk to and hang out with around too. They could get invited to game night with my friends. Nothing wrong with friends, right? And sex sometimes improved with guidance and comfort with each other.

Recently, my perspective has changed again. On the advice of a friend, I made an OkCupid account & I really like it there even though I’m not as inundated as I am on other dating sites.  I got rid of Zoosk and Plenty of Fish. I started looking specifically for poly-friendly people. People that are fine if I say “no, Friday doesn’t work, I have a date and will probably sleep over there. How about Sunday?” People who have the emotional bandwidth to understand that they don’t want just one person, but they want love, intimacy and friendship with their lovers. Poly folk also tend to be good communicators and often have higher than average sex drives and/or are a little more kinky. I’m not into BDSM, swap parties & such, but I do like some stuff that’s beyond the old in-out. I like lovers who are enthusiastic and, well, passionate about sex. I’ve been finding them.

My recent epiphany was basically that I had been learning what I could have and now I have decided to be more selective and only accepting what I really want. I don’t have to accept every invitation. I can be kind, honest & polite, but I don’t have to say yes to someone when I know it’s a bad match. Guess what? I can get laid anytime. I want some fucking intimacy. Guess what else? I’m happy, healthy, self-aware, comfortable & confident enough to have it now. I’m ready. Guess what else? I’ve been finding those nerdy/dirty/funny/smart combo guys lately. I’m seeing three of them right now. 

So it seems the same, but there’s a change that’s happened for me and it makes me feel great. I’ll do a better job of keeping you up to date. I know I should have talked/written through it, but I wasn’t ready.

Nine days to my birthday in Vegas! Coming up next? I’ll tell you about my last trip to Vegas! 🙂

22
Apr
13

Embracing the Unexpected (firmly, with my thighs…)

By risquedivorcee 7 Comments
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Hoo boy! Apologies, friends & followers – I am so behind on blogging! I promise it’s because I’ve been dutifully collecting more material to write about! This weekend was a very unexpectedly good one too! I have enough words & ideas floating in my head for several blog entries. If only I could do a data dump via memory stick rather than my fingers I’d be better able to keep up!

Friday night found me home after work with no plans to speak of.  My intent was to avoid the pissing rain by staying in and catching up on some laundry, house cleaning & movies. It was cold enough that I was considering building a fire and about to thaw some soup out for dinner. Then, at 6:51pm, I was offered an opportunity to go see Prince perform at the Showbox theater at the Market – a very intimate (1100 capacity) venue and a very coveted ticket. The four shows he was doing there had been sold-out for months! The catch was? It was general admission and the doors were supposed to have been at 6:30 but were pushed to 7:00. I live about 15 minutes away and was well on my way to slack and sloth – with no makeup, a t-shirt, jeans & a hoodie. Well, I jumped on it hard! Within 8 minutes I had applied some eyeshadow, put on a “boobie shirt” and some cute boots with a little heel, ran a brush through my hair & was driving. I zoomed into Seattle with moderate traffic for a Friday evening, found excellent (if expensive) parking in a lot a block from the venue, grabbed a junky umbrella out of my car (because it was pouring,) and RAN! I was relieved to see that the line for the show still stretched around the corner, but was motivated to hurry because it was starting to move. I called my friend while I ran and she said that they were just under the marquee and about to be let in.

“Is that you with the pink umbrella?”

“YEP!”

ZOOM! I met them at the door, grabbed my ticket, threw the umbrella in the trash can and strode in to the theater for one of the most exciting, loud, energetic, interactive and ROCKING shows that I’ve been to! The Purple One was charming & engaging, full of humor and wit, dead sexy and had a fantastic, all-female band that rocked. Tight guitar licks swelled and it felt like a house-party jam at times. He did a nice mix of new stuff and yet gave a nod to his hits by opening with “Let’s go Crazy” and closing with “Purple Rain” after a subtle reference to the tragedy in Boston and our need to heal & feel good. Perfect.

My friends refused to take any money for the ticket which I later realized had a face value of $275 and was scalping for $500 easily. Jeez! What an unexpected treat! They said I could babysit for them sometime. DEAL!

When the show ended around 10:45 I was completely amped up and also famished, but my friends were anxious to get home to relieve their sitter, so we parted ways and I found myself full of energy, hungry and…in Seattle by myself with no plans. I realized that a (just friends) friend of mine was hosting karaoke at a bar I like about seven minutes away and decided to go there for some food, singing & company. Excellent choice!

My friend was delightedly surprised to see me. I had sent him a hasty text earlier about Prince and he was suitably jealous and also wanted all the details. My food was excellent and satisfying and the crowd was extremely receptive and enthusiastic for karaoke. There were also a lot of good singers and a fairly short rotation, but the energy of the crowd made me feel like a goddess every time I had a mic in hand. I was still flying high (and also slightly deaf) but planned to leave before the adrenaline waned and fatigue hit. Around 12:30 when I made noises about shoving off my friend protested and insisted that I stay. Then I sang some more, people asked to sing with me and the rotation of singers got shorter…okay, twist my arm!

Around 1:30 my friend’s boss who owns the karaoke business showed up to collect him and the equipment. He is also someone that I consider a friend and we were sitting and chatting when my phone chimed to indicate that I had a text. Thinking it could only be my ex hubby texting me at 1:45 in the morning, I was very pleasantly surprised to see that it was my long-lost “1994 Brad Pitt” whom I hadn’t seen since February but had periodically exchanged some wicked-hot texts with! Normally, I am the one who initiates contact with him, so this was unexpected to begin with, but what he said was that he would be at the club we met at on Tuesday – an invitation to get together again. Also unexpected! Tuesdays at that bar are karaoke nights as well and that’s how we met. The host on Tuesdays is “the boss” that I was sitting with right that minute, so I sent a response saying just that:

“Funny, I’m sitting here talking with XXX right now. He says the theme for Tuesday is ‘work’.”

An immediate response followed wondering where I was, I told him and about my most excellent night & he responded with stuff like “gotcha beautiful” which made my heart and crotch leap because I really enjoy this guy a lot but had basically written him off because he’s so inconsistent. Sometimes he goes out and is an attention whore, sometimes he holes up like a hermit, sometimes he’s chatty & even dirty, sometimes he’s non-responsive or monosyllabic. Also, he’s very young and beautiful, so there’s a little bit of an insecurity issue. Ugh…well, not exactly. I feel perfectly sexy and comfortable with him for the most part, but the reality is that he is smoking hot and must have lots of other opportunities. Realistically, I don’t expect to hear from him often, but am glad when I do. Does that make sense? I’m not putting myself down, I’m trying to express the reality. I do the same thing myself – I have men that interest me more than others for various reasons. But I had sent this guy a really direct & raunchy text last week saying how I wanted to get “growlfucked” and to ride his beard and he had just responded by saying that he was sick and not expressing any particular degree of enthusiasm for the idea in different circumstances. Anyway, unexpected…

Given this background, I decided to be slightly less direct, but I messaged that I was still “totally amped” and he offered that I should come to his place, saying he would be more than happy to have me sit on his face if I wanted. Oh yessssss…..

So this guy’s official designation using my system of initial & age would be P29. However, when talking to my friends & they say “now which one is he?” I say “Young Brad Pitt” or “Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall” because, yeah…it sort of works. He’s heart-poundingly yummy and I’m sort of stunned that I’ve had sex with him three times and slept overnight with him twice. The fact that we’ve talked a lot, watched a movie while snuggling and that he took my hand while walking me from my car to his door the other night? *sigh*

We met on Valentine’s Day of all things stupid and possibly ironic. I had thrown together an impromptu “anti-Valentine’s Day” outing for myself and four other single friends to go to this dive bar that I enjoy. It was karaoke night, lady’s night and they were doing some Valentine’s-themed pub games that were fun. I brought a huge box of gourmet chocolate that my client had given me and shared it around the bar. It wasn’t very busy, but the fairly light crowd was really engaging and lively. P29 caught my eye for a couple of reasons – one, because he was alone and clearly there for the singing. This is something that I do fairly often, so I guess I just sort of noted the kindred spirit. Two, he is sort of my “type” – longish hair, beard. But he was wearing a sort of loose jersey & baggy jeans that night and didn’t look insanely hot. We spoke a couple of times – once out on the patio while smoking. He was a little stand-offish and slightly dark. We joked about Valentine’s Day and he said something about not being good with women and I said “I somehow doubt that you have a problem in that area” – something that just came out of my mouth because he was dead pretty, you know? Scruffy, but lovely. I swear I wasn’t really flirting with any intent at that point. Just being conversational, really.

Later, having heard his amazing voice, I asked him if he wanted to sing a duet with me. He declined, saying that he was feeling a little bit selfish and solitary. Later, he approached me and apologized saying that he had recently returned from a long tour in Afghanistan and that he was struggling with re-entry a bit and feeling somewhat overwhelmed. We chatted a bit about that and then he added that part of why he didn’t want to sing together was that he was feeling like he was “off” that night and not sounding good. Whereupon I had to tell him that he was an idiot. 🙂 Later, perhaps after a few drinks, he asked me what I was thinking of singing and I suggested “Don’t go Breakin’ My Heart” by Elton John & Kiki Dee. He agreed to sing with me and it was pretty darn good and also fun. Later as all my friends but one left and the singing rotation got shorter, we cheered each other and chatted a bit more. At one point, he turned to me and said “So, XXX, what kind of work do you do?” and I had my first little tingle of recognition that he might just be chatting me up. Hmmmm…

At closing time, about five of us were mingling outside chatting and making goodbye sounds. P29 had told me about another karaoke venue that he frequented and on a whim, I gave him my personal card & said he should let me know if he wanted to sing together again or whatever. About that time, the karaoke host that I knew casually a bit but not well, indicated that he had missed the last bus and asked if anyone could take him to a different bus stop. My remaining friend volunteered me and when I heard where he lived, I offered to drive him home.*

*I feel the need to insert a safety note here – this is someone whose employer I know and I knew by first & last name. He’s also gay and I felt completely at ease driving him home.

Anyway, I am so glad that I drove the karaoke host home because it was the catalyst that launched our friendship and I enjoy him tremendously (he’s the host that I mentioned meeting up with after Prince as well.) We’re close enough friends now that I’ve been to his birthday party, we’ve had a road trip and he’s met my kids. So yes, super happy to see him home safely, but it cut off any potential continued conversation with P29 and I really didn’t expect to hear from him again. Once again however, I need to embrace the unexpected, because just as I was leaving THE VOICE’s place, I got a text saying “I didn’t think it was fair that I had your number and you didn’t have mine, so this is me.” We then proceeded to message for another hour or so – nothing big, just two people chatting at 4am.

The next day I think we exchanged a few messages – that was a Friday. On Saturday we somehow managed to text all day long while I was cleaning house and attending to errands. Nothing really flirty or anything – just friendly & conversational – much about movies, TV, singing. I was watching Breaking Bad on Netflix for the first time and we spent a lot of time on that subject. Later, he went out to sing and I was a little bummed that he didn’t invite me to join since I had let him know that I didn’t have plans. Oddly, however, he continued to text me while he was at the bar & throughout the evening. Finally, around midnight, he sent an adorable text that said: “So since I have some alcohol in me now and less fear, were you hitting on me the other night because that’s the vibe I was getting but my people skills are off since getting back.” My response went like this: “Generally speaking, yes. But I legitimately wouldn’t mind singing, chatting, etc. either.” (SEND) “But yeah, I gave you my number because you seemed interesting, sexy and what the fuck? I’m a single, grown-ass adult. :)” (SEND) “But I am also gifted with a very pragmatic sense of reality in that I am aware that I am a certain age and a certain flavor.” (SEND) He indicated an interest in the hanging out and said he wasn’t looking for anything remotely serious but was disappointed when I gave THE VOICE a ride home because he wanted to talk a little more and at least make out with me. The he followed that with “And I could care less about age and usually prefer a woman with some meat on her bones.”  I told him that I was pleasantly surprised to have heard from him and that I’m usually not so forward with morose men in bars. More conversation about expectations followed and he mentioned getting together to sing or for movies the following day (which we had discussed previously.) Finally, I just went for it and asked what he was doing right that minute. It was 12:45 by that time, but we’d been essentially flirting all day and he seemed to have tapped into his direct & flirty zone, so I went with it. I said that he should come over then and stay for movies the next day. He agreed.

This is my favorite part in what’s essentially a three-parter of an entry & becoming very long, I realize. He offered to bring food, mixers – very polite. I gave him my address & he headed over. I heard him pull up earlier than I expected & went to answer the door. OH MAN!  I mean, my God, this guy was cute with his scruffy hair & beard in the bar, with the hockey jersey or whatever. But what showed up at my door? I pretty much needed to mop my floor because I think I squirted right then & there. Wavy light brown hair with blonde highlights pulled back into a neat ponytail. Gorgeous distressed leather jacket over a dark dress shirt & black tee. Jeans that hugged all the right spots and beautiful, broken-in, leather cowboy boots (but not the gross kind that are too decorative.) He was seriously beautiful and I was going to make the sex with him. OH> MY> GOD!

So yeah, that we did and it was also unexpectedly amazingly excellent. I mean, I figured it would be good and nice and pleasant and maybe even fun. I didn’t expect someone that young to take command like he did, to be as oral as he was or to be so complimentary or responsive. He was very generous and kept saying my name and telling me how beautiful I was or how much he loved this or that. I was surprised to find that when it was my turn to give him some oral – after enjoying some beard-soakingly-good cunnilingus and analingus – that he wasn’t actually hard. Of course I knew that he’d been drinking a bit, but still, it was unexpected. Turns out, he just needs a rough touch. He likes it very physical and he growls in appreciation when you hit it right, which apparently I did. He’s a grower not a shower and I was quite happy that his little mushroom sprouted into a fine specimen of manhood to match the rest of him. We had some really exceptional sex that was downright fantastic for first-time stuff and here’s young Brad Pitt under me apologizing because he came too quick and it had really been awhile. Dudes, he did not come too quickly and he was a genius with mouth, tongue, fingers and beard. Crikey. So delicious was he that I had to have him again around 8am and then then I asked him to settle a bar bet by telling me how old he was. By this time I already figured he was a little bit older than I had originally thought, but yeah, he’s 29. I still qualify as a cougar I guess. 🙂 Later, he slept until nearly 1 – while I occasionally watched him because his serene face was simply beautiful to look at. When he woke we actually watched the movie that had more or less been sex pretense – that was nice. We cuddled and kissed a bit more too – again, not typical morning-after behavior, right? But that was the last time I saw him for two months. Yes, there were messages – some very raunchy and sexy, but we didn’t re-connect until Friday.

Well, Saturday morning, I guess. By the time I got to his place it was around 2:30am. I asked if I could bring anything and he said “just you” and he directed me to a lot where I could park overnight and until 5pm the next day. Oh, okay. I guess I’m staying over, huh? YAY! I was having trouble finding the lot he’d directed me to, so I pulled over & sent him a text. The knock on my passenger-side window caused me to let loose a Jamie Lee Curtis-like scream and a string of swear words and there he was, chuckling and telling me that I need to relax. But how can I relax when you look delicious in that cowboy hat and…oh yum. He hopped in and directed me to park then insisted on paying the fee because I was his guest. Nice. Walking to his place he took my hand. Also nice. Hi, how have you been? 🙂

Continuing our “unexpected” theme I have to kick myself in the ass for my preconceived ideas. I expected his place to be a tiny little walk-up apartment. Not so. Brand new building, beautifully decorated, him on the 5th floor. Granted, his place was a complete mess, but it was beautiful and the best part was his gorgeous king-sized Tempurpedic mattress and leather headboard. He said that after years of sleeping in crappy quarters that he splurged on the bed and that it was amazing. It was. He was.

I was sore from standing during Prince and he helped me take my boots off and massaged my feet. Then he guided me down on the bed, climbed on me and started massaging my back and shoulders. Of course, the least I could do was insist on getting naked so that he could do a more thorough job – which he did. Soon we were both naked and making out like crazy. I was reminded how much this man loves to eat pussy in very short order. Seriously, it was all about me and he ate like a starving man. No polite clit-licking this – we’re talking noisy, sloppy, full-face slurping interspersed with comments about how delicious I was. After I soaked his beard a few times I had to take an opportunity to taste myself on him and clean up his face. I am in fact pretty delicious – especially on his lips. When I took a turn giving him some oral attention – remembering that he likes a rough touch – he insisted that I should sit on his face while sucking his cock because he wanted more of me. God. Damn.

After a long time in this configuration, he let me know when it was time for one of my condoms and I put it on him with my mouth while he moaned. I let him choose the position and he opted for me on top. We did that for a good long while with lots of feedback from him again but in my enthusiasm, he fell out at one point and we had a little trouble getting him re-situated so he flipped me over and started going to work on my pussy & ass with his mouth & fingers again. I think I finally just died and went to heaven because eventually I came in a torrent and laid back and said “shattered” which made him laugh and say that he was glad I enjoyed it.

Now, with older men, I’ve witnessed a fair bit of embarrassment if not frustration if they are unable to perform. Not so with P29. He calmly and with good humor said that his dick was being stubborn, cited the many drinks that he had had earlier and seemed nonplussed by it. I stroked his body & played with his nipples while he sucked air in his teeth and then said that I was more than happy to try to offer further “encouragement” if that’s what he wanted, but that I didn’t want to pressure him if he didn’t think he was up to the task. He said he liked what I was doing and didn’t feel pressured and would let me know if he couldn’t. So…I set to work with my mouth in a way that he immediately responded to very favorably.

One more unexpected moment – if, at my age and level of experience someone does something unique that I’ve never had anyone do before? That’s very surprising. This guy? Full of surprises. Simply being as genuinely oral as he is is a surprising and unusual treat. The ass-play is also a bit of a unique treat – particularly because I enjoy a little bit of play but am not really a fan of a full-on butt reaming. This guy is really great at giving direction – both verbally and non-verbally. I’m usually a little bit dominant, particularly with someone new and this was only our second time being together so it was fascinating that he was able to lead and direct me so well. The “oh, hey – that’s different” moment came when I was sucking him off and he once again asked me to get into a 69 position with me on top. Seriously – he didn’t just want me to blow him, he wanted me to sit on his face while doing so. I was doing some of my best work and would sometimes ease up on the full business in order to concentrate on the tip. If I did this for very long he would wrap his leg around my head and gently push my head back down his length to take him deep. He did this twice and I thought it was both athletic and also clever – he never had to use his hands that were so busy elsewhere.

Eventually, I managed to even distract him from that task which he was enjoying so much. When he came it was loud and very long with full body spasm and ongoing shudders and many a “holy shit” “oh fuck” and such uttered. I responded with his line that I was glad that he enjoyed it.

He was quite clear about having me stay over, but didn’t seem interested in fooling around in the morning but he did insist on walking me to my car like the gentleman I am discovering him to be. We’re supposed to be meeting tomorrow night but it’s very loose & casual. That’s what I struggle with where this one is concerned. I don’t want to make a big deal of things, but I would like to be able to plan and enjoy time together. I guess I fear that I am just a drunk booty call – which I’m not completely opposed to considering how good the sex is. However, I like him as a person as well and wouldn’t mind having that comfort level to say “hey, do you want to do XYZ?” without feeling like maybe I was imposing. Frankly, the fact that I feel that way pisses me off for a couple of reasons. One, he’s never been anything but nice, kind, generous, complimentary, gentlemanly and honest with me. I like that, but I have also had him be non-responsive to texts or respond minimally. It’s frustrating. I feel like this may be one reason that I am more suited to a polyamorous model for relationships. I love it when I can say “yeah, I had a date Friday” to someone that I am involved with and have it not be a weird thing. It’s very liberating. (It’s also a future blog topic!)

Which leads me to tomorrow – when I’m meeting someone new for happy hour at 5pm and hopefully still meeting up with P29 around 9pm. In any case I will bring an overnight bag and my handy-dandy non-latex condoms just in case. And maybe I’ll take a vitamin too – 29-year-olds are exhausting! 😉